Lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my son’s mother we share one 2 year old together. I work in law enforcement and sometimes my schedule can be unpredictable and sporadic. I’m currently on shift work working 12 hour shifts and recently I pick up an off duty job to help keep my head above water. I’m a single dad with 3 kids 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my ex. I also take her oldest son whos 7 years old. when I get the 2 year old I also get the 7 year old. The 7 year old is biological mine, I was a donor for her during her previous same sex marriage. I’m not legally obliged to take care of him but I do anyway because the ex wife doesn’t help much.
So we have a schedule that I worked out where I get the kids on my days off work which is about 15 days a month with 10 to 12 over night stays. There isn’t a court visitation plan in place but we agreed to this plan because it works with my schedule. Pick up and drop off times varies depending on what we have going on that day nothing is very consistent .
Recently I told my her that I’ll pick the boys up after 5p because I was working an off duty job which pissed her off because i didn’t tell her ahead of time. So in retaliation she told me that im not allowed to get the kids at ALL! Her explanation was because im inconsistent and disrespectful for not telling her. Mind you when its her time to pick them up from me there have been time where it been later than 5 or she was doing something and told me with out a notice. I don’t make it a big deal i just get the kids and we enjoy our time together.
So we know tax time is here and I’ve asked her 2 years in a row to alternate years on claiming my son and it’s she tells me no. She claimed him the last 2 years so I went ahead and claimed him anyway and boy she is pissed and now she will not let me see the kids at all. The custody we worked out is 66%/34% she has 66%. I consistently pay her monthly child support, I pay life, dental, medical and vision insurance on one kid and have to take care of both kids when I have them I provide their food, clothes, shoes diapers etc.
I’ll end it here am I wrong?
Info: who actually has the child more throughout the year? is the custody worked out through the courts? If so, she legally cant keep your child from you. But you should also prepare to be audited because you’re not the custodial parent and your ex can dispute the claim.
Info: Do you have a legally binding custody and child support arrangement? Or is this just what you’ve worked out with her outside of the courts?
ESH for not going to court and getting an enforceable order in writing. It would spell out who claims the child on taxes which years and what the parenting time arrangements are and if the order isn’t followed there’s legal recourse.
Tax laws are clear. Thee who has them more than 50% of overnights claims them.
This is really more of a legal question and you need to get a court-assigned custody agreement. Based on the amounts you have them though, it sounds like YTA. Although not so much an “asshole” as “in the wrong.”
The ax credits aren’t something that are supposed to be traded; it’s whomever has 51% of control. Go to court and get an order. I’d she files for the credit the IRS doesn’t care about agreements it cares about who has the kid most of the time.
YTA. If you don’t have this defined in a court order, then a child should be claimed by whoever the IRS says they should be. If she’s got 66%, then that’s her. It’s based on physical custody, not financial support, unless it’s a true 50/50. 183 nights is all it takes unless it’s leap year. So here’s what’s going to happen. She’s also going to claim the child on a paper tax return, and it’s going to hold up both of your returns (edit: unless they process yours before she files). For you to successfully claim the child, she would need to sign a form authorizing it, which of course she’s not going to do. Eventually the IRS will learn she had majority custody, and grant her the credit, and you will be forced to amend your taxes.
Source: me, who’s gone through this personally
Came here to say exactly this
You did not and still don’t have the right to claim the kids on your taxes. You have to have majority custody to claim them and you don’t by your own admission. Financial support is not a factor at all. She will either claim them too and your claim will eventually be rejected since you don’t have majority custody or she will just straight out notify the IRS that you don’t have majority custody and they will come after you to repay the child tax credits. You don’t have a legal leg to stand on so I suggest you amend your return before you have to tangle with the IRS over it.
She has the kids more than you, and you’re also not being honest in your post. You say you have the kids about 15 days a month, but then you say she has the kids 66% of the time. That math doesn’t work.
She has the kids more than 50% of the time, so by the IRS rules she gets to claim them. It’s pretty simple. The only exception is when there is a court order specifying otherwise, and you’re not likely to get one.
You also sound like an awful coparent, and you’re the one presenting this. You’re definitely TA.
ESH. Her for using the kids as a weapon when she is mad at you and you for trying to hurt her financially when you are mad at her. Whatever happened to doing what’s best for the kids??!!
This is a legal thing. If you’re making the wrong choice, it’s no longer AITAH, it’s that you might be going to court and possibly jail. Idk how all that works, but you should’ve talked to someone about legality before doing anything
YTA
You don’t get to make up tax laws to suit your needs.
You won’t have them more than 50% of the time (it goes by overnights). This means that you have no legal claim to claiming them on your taxes.
I hope she claims them and you get audited.
12 hour shifts as LEO and you’re worried about claiming your kids when you’re definitely getting overtime and don’t have majority custody? YTA.