So this is about my uncle’s wife . Our families use to be very very close but started drifting apart once us children grew up . They would make remarks about my dad’s business, compare me&my siblings to their kids , my cousins would discredit our academic achievements and comment our every move.
We barely talked passing each other on the street but every time they needed something they would reach out without shame . We helped cuz we didn’t feel comfortable turning our backs to people who we could land a hand .
Last week they came to our house just to “visit “ but the conversation went from small talk to them asking why I haven’t graduated from med school yet and that I gained a bit of weight. Mind you medical school is long( 6+ years )and I didn’t even gain a lot ( I’m like 132lbs ) .
She was saying how her daughter is already having job offers while I didn’t even try . This ticked me off cuz she did a 3 year bachelor program in English education , very different from me , and her and her daughter are severely overweight unfortunately (her around 210 lbs and daughter 253 lbs )
I usually try to jokingly avoid conflict but this time I couldn’t. I started telling her that every job/education is important but comparing my major and hers is completely baffling . Then I explained that my weight gain is in the normal range and that I won’t have to think about health complications for a while so she doesn’t have to worry.
She asked me to explain what I meant by that and I started listing some complications that are connected to being severely overweight .
I know I was right about a lot because they use me to double check every new medication they take.
It was a bit awkward but I cooled down and said it was out of concern for them just how they are concerned about our every decision.
The more I think about it , the more conflicted I am . This was very out of character for me but if they want to over analyze and comment our life choices they better be prepared when I do the same .
ESH
They were clearly out of line. Repeatedly comparing you to their daughter, questioning your timeline in medical school, and commenting on your weight in your own home violates basic social norms. That is intrusive and disrespectful. You were justified in pushing back and correcting misinformation about your education.
Where you crossed the line was shifting from defending yourself to targeting their weight and listing health complications. Even if medically accurate, the context was retaliatory. Ethical communication requires proportionality. Setting a boundary is appropriate. Weaponizing someone’s vulnerabilities to make a point is not.
There is also a difference between clinical advice given in a professional setting and commentary delivered during a family argument. Consent and intent matter. They may ask you about medications in a practical context, but that does not create an opening to publicly catalogue their health risks.
Your frustration is understandable. The escalation was avoidable.
A stronger response would have been firm and contained. Something like I am on track in a demanding program and I am comfortable with my health. I do not appreciate comparisons. That draws a clear boundary without lowering yourself to the same behavior.
They were rude. You retaliated. If your goal is dignity rather than winning, next time keep the boundary clean and disengage.
That’s why I felt a bit conflicted. I used my knowledge to make someone feel worse instead of informing in a professional manner. I couldn’t contain my anger unfortunately so even the information I gave to them was viewed from the “wrost case scenario “ rather than factual unbiased knowledge. I didn’t make things up but did create a dramatic effect on how I delivered my message.
I think they deserved some of it , but using my knowledge like that made me question my integrity at the moment
NTA. How much are you supposed to take? Sometimes you gotta match their energy and give it back in kind.
Came here to say this but you’ve already said it so thank you.
NTA. Don’t start none, won’t be none.
So regardless of being family or not, this sounds like a one upmanship. I think the fact that they have shown lack of respect for your dad and family is your first clue. You don’t have to answer questions about your education or health. You can be very Pointblank and put boundaries in about this. It’s not a competition.
People who are very overweight should not be criticizing others’ weight. That’s the definition of the pot calling the kettle black. You were actually matter of fact about it. And one last old adage, people in glass houses should not throw stones. NTA
NTA. You go girl! Take shit from no one!
NTA. You didn’t bring it up. Showing them the mirror is how I would do it.
NTA.
Sometimes there needs to be a reset regarding acceptable behavior, both giving and receiving.
They weren’t overly rude to you and you weren’t overly rude to them. It was just a reset before patterns that usually get worse got worse. Everyone gets a chance to think on the conversation and their part in it.
That’s adult communication.
I mean you could have drawn a clear boundary without bringing other’s weight and all but I understand how frustrated you were to lose your cool. I do have an aunt exactly like that. After my surgery and due to few meds I went from 130lbs to 143lbs (I was never overweight though) and was struggling to get to my original weight for some time. Some people were really nasty to me. One distant uncle joked that I looked like I loved to eat even when my diet never changed. And that aunt always commented on my weight whenever she would see me. I would always ignore but one day I lost my cool and I asked her to stop commenting on my weight every damn time and that it was making me uncomfortable. She stopped after that. I am back to my original weight but that phase was frustrating.
NTA
YTA for engaging in such a ridiculous conversation. It would be good if you had gotten up and moved to a different seat or room. Don’t entertain clowns like this.
> her and her daughter are severely overweight unfortunately (her around 210 lbs and daughter 253 lbs )
You don’t mention heights, but you know their *exact* weights, why? I’m saying YTA because it seems like *you have decided they are **severely** overweight*, which is so gross.