So Hanna (24F) invited us to a Japanese restaurant for her b-day. Amongst her guests was Jane (30F) who we met through her husband and we’ve known them for about three years.
Every time we’ve went out Jane has always ordered conservatively – a house salad, chicken and rice etc. we even went once to a steak house and she ordered chicken fingers. Hanna works in IT and earns decent money but Jane and her husband out earn her a lot. They bring in around 300-400k every year but this has not stopped Jane from being really weird about money.
She splits pennies constantly. I am talking the weirdest things imaginable. We went to watch a movie and she asked if one of the girls wanted to finish her popcorn since she was full and then proceeded to request later on half of the popcorn price.
Well, we go to this restaurant and most people get sushi or duck or gyoza.. whelp not Jane. That woman flips to Special Prime Cuts, points to the most expensive menu item which ends up being a wagyu ribeye for the low low price of 270$.
I whistled and said ‘damn that is expensive, maybe pick something else’. Jane turns towards Hanna and goes ‘well I am sure she doesn’t mind. I wasn’t told there was a budget per person.’ With this really aggressive tone. Hanna stares at her before saying ‘technically there isn’t. I won’t tell you what to order, Jane’
Jane spent the night staring me down and Hanna looks uncomfortable the whole time. When the bill came it was around 1100$ + tip. Jane had wracked up over 350 of that and we were about 9 people at that table. Hanna awkwardly asks her BF for extra cash and Venmo’s him before paying.
We start heading back to our cars and Jane comes up to me and starts saying I ruined Hanna’s birthday by pulling stuff like this. She said I was a complete asshole for commenting on her choice. I saw her husband giving me dirty looks from the side along with another guy from the dinner. AITA? I am not sure if it was my place to say something, I kinda blurted it out before I even thought about it.
Edit: to be clear Hanna absolutely wanted to pay. She said where she grew up b-day person pays and everyone just brings them gifts
NTA Cheap people will always order expensive stuff if they know they can split it or are not going to have to pay for it.
This is one reason we no longer go out anywhere with this one couple. They keep trying to go out to eat with us. Nope, not if you are not going to pay your way.
edited to add NTA
Why was Hannah paying for her birthday dinner? You could have paid for your own dinners and then chipped in to cover the cost of Hannah‘s dinner.
In any event, it’s just common courtesy to not order the most expensive thing on the menu when somebody else is treating you to dinner.
At first I was gunna say YTA because who cares what she orders? Chicken fingers at a steakhouse like anyone who cares about that needs to get over themselve. But then I realized Hannah was the one paying the bill. So NTA but Jane sure is. If anyone is buying me dinner I always go for a cheap option that isnt just salad because I know they’d say get something better lol
She sounds like a shitty person
Time to stop inviting Jane to group dinners. NTA
NTA. Jane is cheap and took advantage of Hanna. She of course didn’t like you pointing out how expensive her meal was, but Hannas reaction shows she didn’t want to admonish Jane but she probably was not expecting one person to order something that expensive.
If I am invited to dinner I always pick a dish that is not too expensive and no expensive alcohol etc. That is just common courtesy in m opinion.
You pointing out the price of Janes dish was only embarrassing for Jane.
Sounds like Jane is stingy on her own dime but doesn’t mind spending everyone else’s. NTA. Jane was out of line for picking something way out of the price range being spent by the person hosting it. She was embarrassed because you called her out on her poor etiquette
Nta, but you know who not to invite when you’re paying the bill. $1100 – $350 jane = $750 divided by the remaining 8 people in other words, jane’s food was roughly 4 people’s share.
NTA. I don’t know if it’s just me but whenever somebody I’m close to is having a birthday the birthday person never pays. The rest of us do. On my birthday my siblings paid. I could never fathom letting somebody I cared about pay on their own birthday. I think it’s just our family tradition
Nta, I would lose that friend. They’re ultimate cheapskate until someone else is paying and then suddenly she wants to spend every dollar someone else has? No, I would definitely cut Jane loose here. I would have commented the same thing, considering who Jane is normally and suddenly she’s the polar opposite because it’s free food.
If the whole meal was on Hanna or split between everyone, NTA. Jane makes a lot of money – great for Jane. But knowingly putting that on someone she knows full well can’t drop that much money on dinner (even if it’s split) is rude… but mega asshole is it was all on Hanna.
Jane is either so careless and doesn’t have regard for normal people spending limits (though she sure seems to when she’s fitting the bill) or she did it knowingly and that’s worse. Friends don’t do that to friends.
NTA, but why aren’t all Hanna’s friends splitting her birthday dinner? It’s normal in my social circle for us to treat the birthday boy/girl. If that were the case Jane would owe her $270, plus a share of Hanna’s, plus tip.
NTA. I don’t think you addressed this in a particularly polite manner, but I don’t care. Jane thinks you “ruined Hanna’s birthday” because she doesn’t realize how tacky it is that she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. Jane harshed the vibes herself, not you.
You could apologize to Hanna for blurting something out without thinking. But that’s what you did – you blurted something out without thinking. And your focus was on Hanna and how she’s paying for everyone’s meal, not trying to shame or belittle. Jane’s behavior was tacky and unkind. Who confronts the birthday girl into verbally agreeing to pay for a $270 steak?
NTA. If it is customary for the birthday person to pay for the food, then I would order something not expensive.
Why is everyone so confused by this? OP wrote it very clearly. OP even explained that Hanna was going to pay bcuz it is customary where she comes from for the birthday person to pay. This was already a super nice and gracious move on Hanna’s part to pay for dinner for 9 ppl whether it is customary or not. NTA OP, someone needed to put Jane in her place and you took the wheel.