Me (33F) and my MIL have a good relationship in general but she has a history of not respecting boundaries. This year we are spending Christmas with my husband’s family and we told our MIL that we wanted just experiences for my son (18 months old) like a membership to the aquarium / zoo, day in Legoland or something like that, and maybe a book or two that he can unwrap. He has too many toys and clothes already and he doesn’t understand yet receiving gifts.
Well, my MIL was beyond herself that she wasn’t able to get my son gifts so she asked for an Amazon wishlist for things she could get that we could use in the future. My husband and I spent quite a bit of time thinking about what to add to that list cause we truly don’t need much for our son. We sent it to my MIL and told her she could choose some items from there.
This morning my husband asked what she was planning to get our son because my mom asked if we could share the list with her to get a few things from it. My MIL sends my husband a text back saying “I might be on the naughty list now” and a video of all the presents she got my son. NOTHING from the list. It was a pile of huge items that she knows we don’t have space for (a car that my son can ride on, a keyboard, a play kitchen, tons of books, one of those Amazon iPads for kids (we don’t do screens with him)…
I told my husband that she can keep those at her home if she wants but we are not bringing them with us. I found it very disrespectful that she just bought whatever she wanted when we specifically told her we didn’t want anything. Also, why ask for a list if you are going to ignore it?
My husband thinks that we should bring some things to not make her mom feel bad but in my mind we are just sending the message that she can do whatever she wants and we’ll be ok with it. Also we don’t have the space lol.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to take home what my MIL got my son for Christmas?
Nah. She can buy what she wants, you can choose not to bring stuff home.
But you’ll cross into AH category if you’re rude about it. Thank her for thinking of your son, and bring home some while leaving the rest. I’d bring home the tablet so you can control its use (or not use), and anything smaller. Leave the big stuff at her house and say you just can’t fit it but he’d love to play with it there.
For sure! I understand it’s all out of love and excitement, and I’m appreciative for everything she does for us. I just can’t have a ton of big items in our apartment.
We always have toys and things at my parents’ place, so the kids had different toys they can get excited about, which they don’t see every day. It helps keep stuff out of our house, but it really does get them excited for the toys at Nana’s house, and they have an additional draw to visit Nana.
If you frame it that way – that it’s good for her to keep them there, and makes him have something extra to be excited for when visiting, everybody wins.
Take the kiddie Kindle/ipad. That way you can keep your child off it.
I’m a grandmother. My daughter was very clear from the beginning. Do not buy things I’m not prepared to keep at my house. She has a small place. We have a slightly larger but still small place. This forces us to make careful choices. Not a bad thing!
The grandkid is now 10 and she has to choose what to donate if she wants to have room for something new. Boundaries and mindfulness for everyone.