Brother in law Jeff 30M invited his sister Beth 26F, my age 26M, to live with him and my sister in their house.
I’ve always had low self confidence, it wasn’t until later in life when I put work into my myself that girls started to look at me. I always get super uncomfortable by it. It wasn’t immediately but I swear I felt like Beth started to look at me like that too. I kept quiet about it. One time though, it looked like her nipples were really hard and I felt really grossed out. Beth has been around for over a year and I’ve made no attempts to build a relationship with her whatsoever. I have her number but never text. I’ve never invited her anywhere. We just happen to hang out because I’m close with Jeff. I’m not interested in her. She had a fiance, then got a boyfriend, always scouts out her gym crush and has a very active sex life. I say all this because it leads me to believe that she really doesn’t have a thing for me. But I SWEAR I feel her staring sometimes. Having to hide it for so long was really starting to drain me though. And so I called Beth to see if we can have a conversation. I was so nervous about talking with Beth about such an awkward topic, I knew my voice was shaky as hell. I tried to handled things as delicately as I could. I even brought up the nipple thing. Beth told me she had no feelings for me at all. I felt so relieved. I kept apologizing over the conversation and thanked her for being able to have it with me and she said it wasn’t a big deal and that she didn’t think it was awkward at all and they she braved herself for being able to handle these topics easily and being able to speak her mind. I ended the conversation by saying "so see you at the gym tomorrow then?" She said yeah and things seemed okay.
Two days later I got invited by Jeff to go the gym and told me to meet him at his place. We head out and go to the park instead. He tells me Beth told him everything. That I made her super uncomfortable and that the creepy comments I made ruined our relationship entirely and she said there was no going back. He said guys should never say those things and if I was uncomfortable I should talk to him first, women are just different, and I had to be a man and just take it. He said he promised he wouldn’t look at me different. But the whole nipple thing was just too weird.
I got so angry I actually cried. I felt like I was actually going through something and instead of being heard I was being attacked and had to defend myself. Why would I go to him and make Beth’s business his? I would have been so willing to hear her out in a larger conversation if she was feeling this way. I was just so hurt that Beth would even do this. She painted me as a big creep and told Jeff and my sister to not say anything at all to me.
Am I the asshole for confronting her in the first place?
If this is true the nipple thing is creepy and weird to bring up
Why would you talk about her nipples, man. Are you socially inept? YTA – keep your eyes to yourself.
Jfc dude, yeah youre the asshole and a creep. You confronted her for what, having nipples? How dare she. Maybe you noticed her staring at you because youre staring at her tits and making her uncomfortable. Get a grip and stop being a perv.
YTA. You don’t bring up things like that. It’s personal. Unless it was blatant like walking around naked or in her underwear. And even then you have to do it carefully.
Honest question, do you have social anxiety, or autism?
Do you have regular friends? Are you able to work and hold a job?
You were a creep. You thought way too much about something and then blamed HER for your OWN feelings.
Why didn’t you at least talk to your sister beforehand? Lmao
YTA and it was incredibly gross of you to bring up
I’m assuming you’re neurodivergent and don’t understand why this was so inappropriate
1. You shouldn’t be looking at her boobs enough to notice
2. Nipples become hard all the time for no reason, because it’s cold, etc.
3. Even if #1&2 are ignored, there’s no reason to assume it would have anything to do with you just because you’re the same age
4. She is in a relationship, you don’t have any reason to think she’s remotely interested in you (she’s not, and now she and everyone else thinks you’re a creep)
I have a whole bunch of links here that may be helpful
[resources ](https://www.reddit.com/u/Deflated_Hypnotist/s/BOp4Y9uQVh)
In the future, don’t ‘confront’ people with concerns you’ve made up in your head and have nothing to back up your (gross & rude) assumptions
YTA … and you need therapy. As the father of 5 daughters I have to say you should count yourself blessed that all her brother did was tell you off.
What was your goal for the conversation? 😂
You talk way too at length about her body and sex life to have anyone convinced that you weren’t interested in her. You’re just trying to protect your ego after rightfully getting called out for acting like a creep. YTA.
YTA, let’s recap. You checked out this girl’s nipples, you keep tabs on her sex life, then you had enough nerve to confront her as if she did something weird! You said she was looking at you in an objectifying manner. She was probably looking at you with disgust! Then when your BIL confronted you about it you cried like a little baby! You need counseling because your perception is warped and creepy af! This is how predators start out.
Seriously, you are really messed up! I can’t overstate this enough! Your thinking is not right. You can’t trust your own thoughts because they are messed up! You need help asap.
My god, man. You have nipples. You have some idea how they work. Little bit of a cold breeze? Hard nipples. Something brushes into them? Hard nipples. Get startled or frightened or angry? Hard nipples. Any maybe this doesn’t happen so much to men, but if your chest jiggles a bit, even just a couple quick steps or going down a few stairs, you get hard nipples. Taking note of the state of her nipples and assuming it meant sexual arousal directed at you was seriously creepy. Sounds like Beth wasn’t the one looking at someone inappropriately, or maybe just not the only one.
All you had to say was that sometimes you found the way she looked at you felt objectifying, and it made you uncomfortable. That would have been a totally reasonable and fair thing to say, and it would have solved your problem without you being a creep.
So yes, YTA for how you handled it.
I can’t tell if she was also looking at you in an inappropriate way or whether you’re hypersensitive to being looked at; from the way you describe things, it feels like even odds. I went through something somewhat similar when I was 16; I transferred from a girl’s school where I was pretty badly bullied to a mixed gender school where it felt like suddenly everyone and his brother was sexually interested in me, and I spent maybe a year being horribly conscious of when anyone looked at me, before I got used to it enough to fairly determine what was normal looking and what was being a creeper. I was mildly sexually assaulted by an adult stranger in that period (grabbed my butt, in Disneyland of all places), and had a guy I thought was just a friend propose to me, and that was part of why it got so bad for me. Some therapy might help you get through it faster than I did. It’s a pretty unpleasant place to be, and you deserve to not be running around with what sounds like pretty bad anxiety.
YTA. First for assuming that she was interested in you because “you swear you feel her staring at you”. Second, for assuming that she was interested in you because on one occasion her nipples were ”hard” in your presence – fyi, she was probably just cold and it was extremely creepy of you to be staring at her chest. Third, for confronting her the way you did about your assumptions AND for mentioning her nipples during that confrontation. I don’t blame her for going to her brother after you had that “discussion“ with her….its his house that you both live in and he’s her brother.
FYI – she didn’t “paint you” as being a big creep, you were/are acting like a big creep and while she doesn’t have a “thing” for you, you clearly have a “thing” for her and were projecting your feelings/thoughts onto her….hence you assuming that she was staring at you constantly.
Okay. So people are being harsh here but I want to explain the specific points that are giving you trouble here.
First off: Nipples. People’s nipples are not little arousal indicators. Nipples, regardless of who they’re attached to, have varying levels of responsiveness to lots and lots of things. One of those things is sexual arousal but other things are temperature, friction, hormones, menstrual cycles, piercings, even irritation at things like fabric softeners. So while it is possible that one day a woman rabid with lust will stare you down with two diamond-hard erect nipples, those nips are unlikely to be a top 5 indicator of said lust. Frankly, if her nipples were consistently erect at your sister’s house, it’s more likely a sign that they keep their AC cooler than she’s used to.
So most people are going to dismiss the nipple evidence. The nipple evidence is not reliable. But you *mentioning* the nipple evidence to Beth proves two things. One: you don’t really know how nipples work and are a bit neurotic about human bodies and Two: you were staring at and psychoanalysing Beth’s nipples.
This is not ideal.
That neurotic thing brings me to my second overall point – You do not seem comfortable in your own existence and that is going to cause problems for you. Your complaint here, the actual behaviour that caused you to call your sister-in-law and ask her to stop, was her looking at you while having nipples and a sex life?
Am I understanding that correctly? She wasn’t texting you at 2am or talking to you more than you’d like or hovering near you or even staring. You felt perceived by a woman who has had sex and you didn’t like it.
I don’t think you’re a creep OP but I think you need to talk to someone about your thoughts and feelings on sex. And I think that someone should not be related to you by blood or marriage. Also, please don’t look at their nipples.
YTA, women have nipples and they react to LOADS of things. You know that men’s nipples do the same thing right? We just don’t pay attention to them, you said you’re not used to women’s attention but you assumed she was attracted to you because you stared at her chest? Come on man, stop being so thick. You totally made a mountain out of a mole hill and screwed up your relationship you voiced unfounded thoughts.
Oh honey, you have a lot of growing up to do, we women sometimes get a THO if we walk under a brush of wind. It doesn’t mean every woman and her nipples want you. Trust me on that one. No wonder she is weirded out by you, i would be too. Sounds like you are also judging her for an active sex life. So basically your just a misogynist in disguise