So, I (22m) am a college student in the final year of my law school. I live alone in a apartment paid by my parents. I don’t like this college and the degree which I am pursuing, I was forced by my mother to pursue this degree which is of 5 years here and I resent her a lot for this. She keeps coming up to my apartment (she lives 4 hours) and cleaning my things and rooms. I drink and smoke (not a lot) and I need some privacy as a 22 year old man. Even before living in an apartment she used to show up to my dorm room every 3 months and used to clean the whole room, it used to be a really embarrassing moment for me even though I was 17-18 ( yes, I have been in college ever since I was 17). Over the years, I have asked her many times to not show up at my dorm or apartment but she has never listened to me.
I am deeply embarrassed by my mother and her lack of respect to my choices and consent. I am fed up of her, I am doing this shitty law degree which has almost no job prospects in my country and her showing up at my door every 3 months. She always nags the hell out of me for keeping the room unclean even though I try my best to ke it clean and she only arrives at exam when obviously my room is not going to be really clean. I finally crashed out at her and told her she is the reason I was so depressed and she is ugly and short that’s why I am ashamed of her being my mother and wished she was dead. The ugly and short thing was exaggeration on my part but still others are absolutely true. My brother supports her decision and says what I did was bad. So,
YTA
Saying something like that to your own mother.. I mean geez, she would be heartbroken thinking her own son thought those horrible things of her.
Yes she was over stepping your boundaries but you could have went about it all so differently, – changing locks or something could have resolved this issue.
You didn’t have to put her down the way you did..
You’re the asshole. Your mother has an issue with boundaries, clearly, but from what you’ve said, you’ve overreacted and said some vile things.
If you don’t like your degree, grow a spine, leave and become self sufficient. She’s effectively funding your poor life choices. You can’t blame her for “forcing” you to take this degree, you’re an adult, start behaving like one.
ESH. Your mom’s absolutely trampling boundaries and treating a 22‑year‑old like a child, and your anger about the degree and constant visits is understandable. But telling her she’s ugly and you wish she were dead was way over the line. One small step: text or email her an apology for the insults while clearly restating your “no unannounced visits” boundary.
YTA.
Not for crashing out, but for attacking her as a human being instead of her boundary trampling. If you’d snapped and yelled about how much you hate when she ignores what you tell her, you’d be totally N T A.
Snapping? Fine. Frustrated? Fine. Crashout? Eh. Calling her names and saying vile things to her that are totally unrelated to your actual issues with her? ASSHOLE.
Okay, I agree with you. I’m the asshole here.
YTA
You were unnecessary cruel to your mother. That you wish she was dead because she wants you to have a good career and cleans after you is disgusting as fuck.
You’re not 17 anymore, if you hate what you’re studying, quit and fund your own education and life style.
ESH. Her for constantly dropping in and pushing you into a degree you don’t want. You for being such a coward that you actually let her. OP, you are not a little child. You are an adult. Grow a pair.
YTA, You’re nearly at the end of your degree – why couldn’t you have switched degrees prior to now? Better still, why not have an adult conversation about job prospects with her and/or someone at your college to determine what your options are? If you’re in student accommodation, how is she accessing the building – presumably there are other students rooms and communal areas she has no business being in without consent. There are adult ways of dealing with making bad choices when you were younger, and you need to step up and find your own path forwards. Then she might see you as an adult and back off – she may not if this is simply her nature/your culture, but in any event, you’re not behaving like an adult by blaming her for your poor choices 5 years down the line and it’s inexcusable to say the things you did.
I didn’t switch degrees cause it’s not that easy. You have to realise that I live in a 3rd world country and I have no chance getting an employment and funding my degree. Why didn’t I have an adult conversation with her about my job prospects? Cause she said I’m good for nothing and she won’t fund anything other than a law degree. I’m not in student accommodation and even when I was my mother kept barging in cause like I said this isn’t America, it’s the third world.
Yeah I know I have no choice other than choosing my own path now. I have a minimum wage job but not enough to move out or in fact do anything major.
YTA, you didn’t have to be mean.
ESH you should have said what you said but overall from the conditions you were given and how you are treated it’s hard to grow. Please ignore the western bias of most of these comments they don’t understand the pressures and dynamics of Asian households