This year, I’ve decided to participate in my school’s musical; however, my best friend refuses to see me perform. For context, this friend and I have a strong relationship: we hang out almost every weekend, we frequently text, and we play Fortnite together consistently. However, I’ve been feeling depressed for a while because our friendship, as strong as it is, feels very one-sided: I basically treat him like a child while he is constantly disrespectful, ignorant, and immature.
Once tickets became available to the public, I immediately and repeatedly asked him to come just to be met with a half-assed “no”. My response was admittedly immature: I decided to leave several groups chats we were in together; he kept adding me back until the last straw was reached and he threatened to add someone who sexually harassed my sister into a gc with her. I refused to back down, he made through with his threat, and I then removed said person from the chat and ensured there was to way to add him back.
The two of us then argued over text; he revealed that the only reason he doesn’t want to go to the musical is because he doesn’t like plays. I argued that he should at least come to support me. After a brief argument over the difference between musicals and plays, he decided to unfriend me (though I doubt this will last as I’m practically his only friend).
I know I can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do and I feel like leaving group chats was an immature way of dealing with the situation. Am I the asshole for being mad at my friend for this?
It sounds like you don’t like him, and he doesn’t like you. What do you gain by remaining friends with him?
He likes me but he doesn’t know how to treat me. I like him because he makes an effort to spend time with me even though that effort is rooted solely in an effort to ameliorate his boredom rather than actually wanting to hang out with me.
Why are you still “friends” if this is the case. This is weird.
Bottom line, it doesn’t sound like he values your friendship as much as you do.
You don’t necessarily have to cut him off, but it sounds like you should stop making such an effort for a dude that never shows up for you. Just be gaming friends and occasionally hang out, but don’t think it’ll go deeper than that.
Honestly tho, he sounds like quite the pill. If I were you I’d distance myself, but that’s just me.
YTA He was honest and direct with you. He told you no, that he didn’t want to go.
Nobody owes it to you to go. You invite them, you let them know “it would mean a lot to me if you come” but also follow up with “but if youre busy or it’s not you thing, that’s totally OK”
Give them an easy out so they don’t feel pressured or obligated to go. Otherwise they’ll either hate every second of it, or they tell you “SURE!” and find some reason they can’t make it.
Don’t do that to people
It’s more of an eye for an eye thing tho: I’d go to anything to support him and I have been a great friend to him who has had to endure him asking for money constantly, complaining when I’m unable to play, and overall just treating me unfairly. If he can’t give me support for two hours, why should I be expected to tolerate his mistreatment of me?
All valid complaints. But relationships shouldn’t be transactional like that. He sounds like he doesn’t care about your feelings much, and just understand that this is OK. You might be forcing your friendship on him. Or he might just be using you for money.
In either case, he’s set his boundary. If you decide to continue pursuing his attention that’s your decision, but he communicated clearly and directly that he’s not Interested in the play. So I would, again, say that if you were upset with him for being honest with you, then YTA.
Remember, it’s OK for your friends to have different Interests than you. Be happy when they try, but don’t get upset if they don’t like your activities.
You honestly dont sound like a great friend tho I mean you’re just dissing him what have you actually done for him? Js
I don’t blame you for lashing out, I mean he just sounds like a horrible “friend”. I think the most mature thing to do was to not lash out and to calmly express your feelings of how you were hurt but to be honest it’s very hard to be mature and calm when you’re dealing with someone childish, or someone threatening to put your sister in a gc with her harasser. But that’s over with, the lash out happened now you need to open your eyes to his behavior, sure you lashed out but why is he bringing your sister into it, as a “friend” why couldn’t he go to something important to you? I mean fuck it’s a play, yea sometimes they suck but any good friend would go to the absolute worst play to support their friend. Just keep the distance and find real friends who will care about what’s important to you. Many other people out there to play fortnite with.
YTA what is immature is you clinging on to someone who mistreats you and your family (exposing your sister to someone who harassed her to get back at you). You need to do right by yourself and your sister and cut this guy out.
It sounds like you’re both just the fucking worst. YTA. HTA. YBA.
Gurl you’re being a TA and yes him adding that one person is kinda shitty but you also were being shitty by leaving the group chat. Not to mention you sound like a mean girl if he has other friends to add to the group chat he has other friends. The reality is that you are not owed someone coming to your play even if you are friends. I for one would never just go to a play for just a friend bc a lot of them are Hella boring. Personally if I’m going to consume media of some sort it has to be mentally stimulating plays just arnt it for me. Not to mention i know people who have gotten bed bugs from those seats there are certain things I will never do bc of those hell bugs.
ESH. He sucks for threatening to put your sister in an awful and re-traumatizing situation. You suck for not taking his “no” as final. You can absolutely feel sad about him not wanting to go. You can end the friendship directly because of it. But badgering someone to do something they don’t want to do that is optional is a hole behavior