I (30f) am 22 weeks pregnant and am starting to feel the pressure from both my partner’s (29m) and my family. "Take belly pics" "why don’t you want to take belly pics" "drink this so I can feel the baby move" "it’s rude not to tell us the gender" "why won’t you let me pay for a 3D ultrasound". It goes on and on.
I genuinely love all of them, and this is the first grandchild for both sides so I know our parents are just excited, but I am not an outwardly emotional person to begin with. The first 4ish months of pregnancy I was dissociating HARD. I wasn’t really feeling anything, positive or negative. I was just trying to wrap my head around this huge life change. Now that I am finally starting to feel excited myself, I am getting overwhelmed at the constant badgering of those around me. I feel like it’s not my pregnancy and it’s just for everyone else to enjoy.
It’s gotten to the point where I am distancing myself from everyone and am discussing with my partner about not informing family members once I go into labour. I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with or fight off intrusive touch and language whilst in labour. They can visit after the baby comes. Every time I have included someone else in a milestone that me and partner should be enjoying, its been ruined or hasn’t gone the way I was planning. I have even been lying about the baby moving when visiting with people because I want to enjoy it for myself. It’s my first pregnancy so I am experiencing this sensation later than most and am just now getting to really feel the baby. It’s amazing, and I feel protective of that. At the same time I know it’s selfish and I am being made to feel like I am taking it away from everyone else’s enjoyment.
My parents call me just to tell me I am mean. I know they are joking, unfortunately their sense of humour is pretty humiliation based (something I have since been able to process as an emotionally stable adult who definitely did NOT handle it well as an emotionally unstable child/teen). I know they don’t mean it to be cruel, but it’s like it zaps my energy and joy every time it happens. Mostly because I also know they do it as a defense mechanism and I fear they are actually hurt and bothered by me not sharing the gender or leaning on them more. My MIL makes little comments it someone brings up a topic surrounding a boundary I have set (belly pics and 3D ultrasound refusals). So she accepts the boundary when I make it but then almost looks for validation that I’m in the wrong when the topic is organically brought up.
I feel like I am not really getting the chance to connect with the pregnancy and fear that it will carry over to when the baby arrives. Am I going to have to fight for understanding those first few weeks when I want privacy and bonding time? Will it be harrassing phone calls every day? Demands for pictures? Am I really rude and mean for cutting them out of certain aspects of this? AITA?