I (18F) am a first year university student living in residence with two roommates, roommate #1 (18F) and roommate #2 (19F). This conflict began when they decided to meet up to talk about "an apartment". They started to assume I would automatically want to rent an apartment with them next year.
When I discussed with them, I told them my chances of living with them are slim because my cousin may attend the university next year, and in that case I would buy an apartment rather than renting. I am a domestic student and they are international students, so they were disappointed because I could have handled all the paperwork while are away for the summer.
After a long discussion, they started giving me the silent treatment, zoning out, and being quite passive-aggressive towards me. They are upset that I won’t live with them under these assumptions and plans they made without consulting me first. AITA for thinking I am not obligated to commit?
NTA, I learned in University the hard way that you need to do what is best for you when it comes to major decisions like living arrangements and to not be a people pleaser. I got into a very bad lease that way.
I can understand their stress trying to find a new living situation in a foreign country but they have months to plan and they should have talked to you before assuming anything. They also should not be mad at you or taking it out on you no matter how stressed out they are!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I definitely think your insight makes me feel better about my decision.
Normal people:
“Oh darn, that’s disappointing. We really like rooming with you. Not gonna lie, it’s also been nice to know that someone we really trust can handle any practical issues that come up when we are back home. Oh well, thank you for being upfront about it so we can start to figure out if we are getting a smaller apartment than what we had planned, or if we should still get the same one and just find another roommate… Not that they would replace you, but we do need to consider the financial pros and cons. Don’t think you are getting out of being our friend that easily though! We don’t have to be roommates to hang out.”
Instead, your roommates have gone out of their way to prove that they don’t care about you as a person, only what you can do for them.
NTA. And in fact, not only are you not an AH, their behavior has demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the right decision not to move in with them (so even if the housing situation with your cousin falls through, you should *still* find other people to room with since you obviously can’t trust them