I (20f) was with some friends, my bf (20m) friend (21f, Mary) friends (20m:B,20f:A). Mary is a slightly bigger girl, which becomes relevant. My bf and A smoked outside (idrk weed terms but it was a super strong pre roll or something so they were both pretty high but they both are fairly frequent smokers,also somewhat relevant context).
Mary was making us all some pork belly and threw then in the air frier at some point when they were out. When they came back in they came trough the kitchen and my bf noticed the air frier on and asked what she was making. Mary responded pork belly.
My bf responded ohhh air frying it instead, saving calories, fire fire, with a smile on his face clearly trying to be friendly.
Mary immediately got defensive and said “oh so you’re saying I need less calories?”.
My bf chuckled and she said she was being serious and asked what he meant. He said he was just saying air frying was healthier and that that was fire. She said why do you think I need to save calories? My bf stuttered and then didn’t respond, and she rolled her eyes and said whatever, I’m gonna share you know.
And my bf said oh yeah thanks, and I thought she just got upset and maybe even mis spoke, I didn’t want to let it affect the night but she was clearly being very passive agrressive during the night, and I thought it would mull over, but she texted me later doubling down saying I need to call out my bf for his rude comments and I told her that that was insane and she was the one being rude to him, and both A and B agree she over reacted a little but I have been thinking about it more and more and now I’m starting to feel bad and I think I may be the asshole
NTA. I’m far from skinny but would never have this reaction. This is a classic example of someone projecting their insecurities on someone who meant well. Everyone knows Air Fryers are a “healthier” way of cooking. Absolutely no need to get defensive.
Yup sounds like she’s just waiting around for people to say something that she could interpret as offensive to her😬🙄
NTA
I don’t
Know how much slightly bigger is, but if you we’re all friends I wouldn’t think he was busting on her.
Air fryer is really just like a convection oven right? Baking instead of deep frying. Healthier.
I’m old, fire means cool right?
I think she just s projecting her insecurities a little. What you would say in that moment anyway is a little confusing. What if she had not felt offended by it and you made a big deal
Out of it. Then you would be the offender.
I would ask him if he meant anything by it and if not explain that to her. If he was being a shot, make him apologize.
Edit : shit not shot
NTA. Your thicker friend is looking to be offended.
NTA
It seems to me that Mary is projecting her insecurities on a simple response. A lot of people comment on the fact that airfryers can be used to make healthier meals so the fact that this little commed triggered her so much says more about her than anyone else involved.
Exactly!
INFO
Is Mary used to or has been around your boyfriend when he’s really high? Sounds like she’s not and took it personally. If she is, there’s no reason to be upset. Annoyed, yes but upset, no.
NAH it sounds like she was already feeling insecure and your boyfriend, like many people do when stoned lol, sounded like he was implying something when he asked that, even if he wasnt. I don’t really understand what it is, but high people really do often sound like they are definitely judging you, especially if you are already feeling insecure and maybe don’t know them super well.
Miscommunications happen, its no one’s fault, just maybe talk to her about it and reassure her that it wasnt his intention. (Unless it was, in which case talk to him about it)
Mary is projecting and expecting the world to tiptoe around her insecurities. She’s the one obsessing about her weight whilst no else is likely even thinking about it. She shouod apologise for overreacting and trying to make your bf responsible for her insecurities. NTA
Absolutely
NTA, it’s a common problem when someone is very high that they hear things the way that they want to and they won’t accept an explanation or change their minds.