I 26M am married to 31F. We have been married for a little over a year. I got into some legal trouble and had to go away to do sometime. When I initially got in trouble with the law nobody knew where I was. I didn’t know anyone phone number from memory. So I essentially disappeared. I was away for a few months at first completely alone. When my now wife found me, she noticed I was gone and came looking for me. A little background on me, my mom left me with my dad when I was 3yrs old. My dad cheated with her best friend so she left him and me. This created “mommy issues”. So when my now wife came looking for me it meant a lot to me. I felt loved, I felt wanted & I felt I owed her something for showing me real love. I thought I was inlove! So I married her.
Here’s where things get tricky. I have this ex 26F, to put it simple my dream girl. Undeniably a women I want to have a family and be with for the rest of my life. A little background on us, we dated for a year but I got in trouble during this time, went away and she stuck with me through the whole ordeal and supported me. When I came out I messed up, she left me but told me she wanted to remain friends because she gets it & hopefully later we’ll find each other again if it’s meant to be. We parted ways still kept in contact but when I went away I lost contact with everyone as previously stated. I guess sometime during my wife finding me and us getting married. She reached out to me on my social media’s just to check in on me and wish me happy birthday because she had been calling me but she assumed I changed my number. My wife has my social media now, she controls it. So she got the message, as you can guess they exchanged words. Said some horrible things to each other and then some. Nothing physical tho my ex is a class act once she realized I was actually married to my wife & this wasn’t just some delusional gf she backed off. I took it upon myself to try to get in contact with her through a mutual friend. We got on the phone started speaking and immediately every emotion and feeling I ever felt for her came back.
YTA
If this is a BS post, YTA for that.
If its a real post, YTA
Of course you are the asshole. Either buckle down and make the relationship you’re in now work or split up and try and make the other one work. But that one probably won’t either, because you’re 26, make poor decisions, and are likely imagining that you’ll have a fairy tale relationship with someone else. And that won’t happen, because marriage is a shit load of work.
YTA for everything about this post. The passive voice, the failure to take accountability for whatever put you in prison, the failure to memorize a single phone number, the weird marriage you’re currently in, your failure to work on yourself first, and your fundamentally incoherent post. Yeesh.
YTA for what you’re doing now which is teetering on the edge of the precipice that is adultery. I really think you should put a pause on talking with your ex and participate in some individual therapy to untangle your feelings and gain clarity about them with regard to both women. I suspect that you’ve been carrying pain that remains unrelieved for a long time. That kind of pain can’t be relieved by anyone but you or any relationship but the one you have with yourself. It’s hard, you don’t have to do it alone, and a good therapist will guide and support you in the process.
This post sounds like warped fiction, but if this account is real, YTA in a major way (and yuck). If you want a family with your ex, honestly, do your current wife a favour and divorce her (for she deserves better than you).
YTA. You didn’t really ended the relationship with your ex , so your harm has already been done. That you got head over heels with another woman is one thing , but then to stay with her after knowing you always had feelings for your ex and know it’s a better fit than your current wife , then who are you fooling if not all involved including yourself ? Honestly I don’t see it working out with your current wife
YTA, but besides that, get some help with the issues you’ve mentioned or you will be stuck in the pattern you find yourself in.
As for the relationships, man up and end the marriage if that’s what you want. Or, man up and cut off communication to your ex so you can actually commit.
No one wants to be in a relationship where they actually want someone else so one way or another, don’t put your wife through that situation.
YTA. You’re disrespecting and lying to your wife. If you have to hide your ‘friendship’ with your ex from your wife it’s probably because what you’re doing is not right. Would you be having those phone calls/texts if your wife was standing right next to you?
Clearly you have feelings for another woman, which isn’t fair to your current woman. If you really loved your wife you wouldn’t put her through this. I would be honest with her about your feeling for this other young lady. And then see how she takes that info.
Good luck to you.
YTA. Obviously
YTA for your post
YTA for how you wrote it
YTA for even doubting: how wan you not know YTA?
Bonus YTA because with three YTA the fourth comes free
You’re disgusting, you should be single and get therapy. How dare you string along someones emotions like that, this ex of yours is laughing at your wife. Divorce your wife she deserves better shame on you
It’s not unusual that when someone comes into your life during a crisis and shows care, you attach deeply to them. Given your history with your mom leaving and your feelings around abandonment, it makes total sense that your wife finding you made you feel seen, valued, and wanted in a way you weren’t used to. But being grateful for someone and feeling emotionally safe with them isn’t the same thing as being in love with them long-term — and it sounds like you’re only now realizing there’s a difference.
The feelings you described about your ex aren’t small or casual. She wasn’t just some fling — she was someone you connected with deeply, someone who stood by you, supported you, and actually cared for you through one of the hardest periods of your life. That kind of bond doesn’t disappear easily just because circumstances change. It also doesn’t help that your separation was caused by chaos and timing, not because one of you stopped loving the other. So the emotions coming back the moment you talked to her again makes sense emotionally and psychologically.
But at the same time, you’re now married and even if that marriage came from vulnerability, fear, gratitude, or a need for emotional stability, it’s still a real commitment. That’s where things get painful, because you’re feeling something very real for your ex, but you’re also tied to a situation you entered while emotionally wounded.
None of this makes you a bad person it just makes you someone who’s finally confronting feelings you pushed down, and the reality that the path you took may not match the life you actually wanted.
The only thing I’ll say is this: you deserve to choose a life where you aren’t acting out of guilt, obligation, trauma, or fear of being alone. And the women involved deserve clarity, honesty, and not being stuck in a situation based on your pain instead of your true desires. No one wins when you ignore what you really feel.
You’re not wrong for having these emotions. But whatever you do next needs to be done with honesty, respect, and a lot of self-reflection because you’re at a crossroads that can affect multiple people’s lives