Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while now, and I just made friends with this girl recently since my ex who r worded me told her I was crazy and once she realized I wasn’t we bonded over both our ex’s doing that to us, yes this is important to the story. I’m not sure if I mentioned it to her that he says it or what but she was very pissed that my boyfriend said the n word, I told her that it’s completely normal where we grew up to say those things and that’s why we feel so comfortable. She continued to tell me I was just as bad as my ex and that I’m a terrible person, I told her I didn’t need a random white girls opinion about this issue and that if it makes her truly uncomfy i will not be mad if it’s a deal breaker for our friendship. She has since blocked me and while I do feel relief cause the more and more I got to know her the worse she got as a person I still feel guilty. I should probably mention my boyfriend is half black and Puerto Rican.
Edit: they have never once met and I do not remember saying anything to her about it but I just assumed I forgot about telling her. This was completely out of the blue and we didn’t text for the whole day before that. I would say the worst thing I said was “we don’t need a random white girls opinion” which I will admit is kinda mean but at the time I was just extremely confused.
You are not the asshole and that’s weird why she’s trying to tell you that your bf can’t say the n word when he’s half black. It’s a completely different if he wasn’t but he is. You are not the asshole. You are a good girlfriend.
YTA If someone says something offends them, stop saying it, period. Also people of all colors can behave in racist ways even if it’s not on purpose. The vast majority of people of all races consider the n word to be racist and offensive.
The thing is though is that they have never met….i might have mentioned it and that’s why she knew but I don’t remember telling her!
Yeah. She’s probably stalked his socials. No way that just comes up in conversation
so.. a white girl is offended that a half black guy is saying the n word… and that’s normal? girl please
Nah girl, you’re not the devil here, but this whole situation is messy. Your friend jumping straight to calling you like your ex was way out of line. At the same time, the n word thing is touchy no matter where you grew up, so her being uncomfortable isn’t shocking.
Your boyfriend being half Black changes the context, but it doesn’t magically make every convo about it drama free. She didn’t handle it well, you didn’t say anything wild back, and if she blocked you that’s on her. Let the friendship go and keep it moving.
YTA It might be “normal” where you come from but 1) You are no longer “where you come from.” You are somewhere else. In reality with the rest of the world, away from the closed minded community you grew up in that would be willing to normalize that word. And 2) you even acknowledge that you know it is wrong to say but still defend saying it (or your bf saying it) because you and him don’t want to change that behavior. Even though, again, you know it is wrong to do now. As an adult.
OP says the bf is half black. Now personally I am white so I don’t think I have any say here, but seemed like you missed that.
I didn’t. I saw it towards the end of writing it but decided to keep it. I think it is more understandable culturally that he grew up around it but if she is saying it is normal where “we grew up” as in she says it too, it is still what I meant to say.
OMG NO I DO NOT SAY IT LOL! I am white and never once have I ever said it in my life, by saying it’s normal where we grew up I mean it’s normal for Hispanics and black people to say it not white people! Should have probably clarified that!
You should probably preface this whole story by including his race at the start of your explanation and emphasize you don’t say it yourself then. Maybe tell your now ex friend that too, if they neeed a better explanation. Of have your bf tell them so they understand him better and where he comes from. YNTA if what you say is true and your friend doesn’t understand reality.
Unfortunately I did explain all this to her including him being half black, where we came from, and she knows I don’t say it! Which is why I thought I was the asshole cause she still thought I was in the wrong