I (F22) and my friends are currently planning our senior friend group trip. We are all graduating and moving away from each other and this trip is our last hurrah of sorts. We are planning on doing a week long trip out of the country. Our friend group is mixed gender, but we are all very platonic and close. One of our friends (M21) brought up casually that he invited his girlfriend (F19) to join us and that she is going to come on the trip. A couple friends and I were kind of bothered by this, as we were hoping to have some quality friend time. When she is around, obviously we don’t get to see as much of him, and since this is one of our last times all together like this, that would kind of bother. I feel weird saying something because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or like we don’t like her, especially as his female friend. But I’m frustrated with my friend not asking us if he should invite her and nervous about how this will change the trip dynamic. I had definitely pictured more of a ‘bro trip.’ What should I do? Or say? Am I the asshole?
NTA but if he has already invited her, there’s not much you can do without him being mad. Also, it’s kinda rude to invite someone to a trip without talking it to the others first. So not ta, if he wants to be with his girlfriend of the trip instead of his friends let him be.
So let him be mad. He’s the one that overstepped. FAFO
this, there’s not a lot you can do without damaging your relationships, here.
Definitely a tough situation to navigate and I get why you’re annoyed but I feel like he probably invited her as a chance to get closer with you guys! (At least I hope so). Does anyone else in the group feel similarly to you in being annoyed?
NTA
Several people in the group need to have a quiet one on one word to him. Tell each person that you all need to speak up and tell him.
It’s not on that he brings and pretty rude for him to assume it’s acceptable to invite her without talking to the rest of you. AND she really doesn’t need to go. It’s not like it’s any length of time.
NTA. Totally reasonable to want one last trip with your close friends. Maybe just be honest with him that it’s about preserving friend time, not about disliking his girlfriend.
Slight YTA. You say it’s your last hurrah. It’s very possible because it the last hurrah, he sees it as his last opportunity to introduce his girlfriend to his very best friends before everyone splits.
Are you sleeping in an Airbnb or getting hotel
Rooms?
Is anyone else bringing there SO?
YTA-Look if you guys are actually good friends you’ll continue meeting up. I have a friend group from college and every couple of years a new SO gets added to the group and I consider them a friend. Not as close to all of them as my OG friends, but some of them I am. This is just part of growing up.
So, NTA for feeling frustrated that the trip you had envisioned is evolving. Having your expectations upset *is* frustrating.
However, ultimately the AH points will depend on how you handle the situation, and I think in this case you are better off adapting. Accepting what you can control and adjusting to the rest is life. Things rarely go off exactly as planned, and you get to decide how to process that disappointment.
NTA
It’s fair to raise the question among the group whether this trip is open to plus ones or was meant to be just the friend group. When you all are planning, you don’t want the number of people to fluctuate; you don’t want the cost of the trip to change because of changing sleeping/room sharing plans; you don’t want to have to accommodate the logistics of more people.
I don’t think you need to ask everyone else in advance; it’s sufficient to call a group meeting. Let everyone share their preference for being open or not; what parameters the group needs to adhere to (including whether the friend group needs to agree before anyone outside the group can be invited and if there is a cut-off date after which the travel group is closed). Then there is no one person who is unilaterally telling everyone else what the rules will be; if this a group consensus/agreement.
If the group decides that it wants this to be closed to others outside the core, then your friend needs to decide whether he still wants to go and explain to his gf that he jumped the gun. It’s awkward, but he is the one who created an issue when he made a unilateral decision.
NTA but apparently jealous, it’s his trip too, if he wants his trip to be special leave them alone.
NTA. it’s a group trip, not a solo trip. he doesn’t get to make unilateral decisions about who comes. adding a person changes the costs, the rooming situations, and the vibe. he skipped the part where he asks the group, which is basic etiquette…. also, it’s okay to have boundaries. you can like her as a person and still not want her on this specific trip. i think anyone around ur age should be mature enough to understand that,,,