Basically I met this girl over Christmas and we have become very close. We talk on the phone alot via voice and sometimes video. Her roommate started to have a problem with us talking so much and how we would both wake up early so we can talk before we both start work. The roommate has attempted to hang up our calls before, and ask her not to talk on the phone so early in the morning even though we are very subtle and quiet about it. I don’t want to come between her and her best friend that she has known for many years but I also think that she is being mistreated by her. What should I do?
Info: is this bothering the roommate because it’s effecting her friendship with her roommate, or because the phone calls are on speaker phone (video chats typically are) and it’s disturbing her early in the morning?
> even though we are very subtle and quiet about it
I doubt that very much.
> she is being mistreated by her
She wasn’t. It was a very fair and reasonable request.
> What should I do?
Get off your high horse. Tell your gf to pologize to the roomate. And arrange more appropriate times for phone calls.
What should you do? You should stay out of it. This is between your GF and her roommate.
INFO
Is your girlfriend at least using earbuds or are you on speaker phone at sparrow’s fart while the roommate is trying to sleep?
You should recommend your girl wear headphones and not talk openly and loudly on voice or video call because it’s rude and obnoxious in shared spaces.
ESH except the poor roommate
Stay out of it. You’ve literally known this girl for two months and already you think you understand her life well enough to intervene in her close relationships? No.
YWBTA. For all you know, you think you’re being subtle but the gf’s walls are thin and roommate has asked gf 8000 times to stop having video calls early in the morning because it wakes her up. Also, even if the roommate is totally unreasonable, this is between her and gf. They are both adults and this really isn’t your business. It’s up to gf how she handles it.
INFO: are they roommates where they share an apartment or house with separate rooms or are they sharing a dorm room where her roommate has to hear your conversations constantly?
I don’t see how this is really your issue as it’s between your girlfriend of almost *three months* and her roommate.
This needs more INFO.
How early in the morning is your girlfriend on the phone with you? Is she using a headset to speak to you or are you on speaker?
This seems to me like your new girlfriend is being inconsiderate to her roommate but more INFO is needed.
~~INFO~~: Is it a shared apartment with separate bedrooms or a shared bedroom like a dorm room? Its not toxic for someone sleeping in the same room to be mad that they are being woken up early in the morning everyday because their roommate wants to talk on the phone to their gf/bf.
OP’s answer.
> It is an open floor plan apartment. No doors that separate room from room except for the bathrooms and front door.
Easy YTA.
They sleep in the same room? Just seems like a very easy solution to go in another room when talking on phone in the morning.
Do your gf and her roommate share a room or each have their separate bedrooms? Where is your gf when is talking to you?
YTA If they share a room everyone but the roommate is AH. Of course she is going to pissed IF SOMEONE IS IN THE SAME ROOM TALKING, NO MATTER HOW QUIETLY. Plus its not your business.
Idk, I’d say YTA
If I was in close quarters with someone who’s always on the phone, I’d be pretty irritated. When people are on the phone it kind of feels like you’re on standby in your own space, listening to one side of a convo you aren’t interested in instead of sleeping. Soft yta
YTA x 3. First, because it’s incredibly rude and inconsiderate to be constantly talking early in the morning when there are no doors or privacy in their apt. Two, because there is no need for you to involve yourself in this, even if you’d been dating for more than 2 months. I would assume your girlfriend is an adult. And finally, for calling her best friend toxic and saying she mistreats your gf when all she’s apparently done is ask her not to talk on the phone so early, which is a beyond reasonable request. And even if your girlfriend disagrees, SHE can discuss it and figure out a compromise with her best friend. Stay out of it.
YTA. First, it’s not “toxic” to ask roommates to keep it down when you’re making early morning phone calls. You’re just weaponizing therapy language and using “toxic” to mean “she thwarted me and it made me mad.” Second, you have literally known her for a month and a half. It’s not your place to step into her relationships or to decide for her that she’s being mistreated.
You know, a lot of people would look at this as you trying to cause problems between them so you can start early isolating her from social support. Overreaction? Maybe, but not more of one than you deciding her roommate is “toxic” and she’s being “mistreated” because her roommate asked her to reschedule her calls to a time when no one’s sleeping.