My bf has, in the past, liked TikTok’s and Instagram posts of girls from our hometown. It’s made me uncomfortable for a while, and I brought it up multiple times. Each time he either denies it or tells me that it shouldn’t matter because we are together and the other girls don’t matter.
I would never ask of my partner something that I can’t personally bring to the table, so I have been very intentional about whose posts I like, and what I engage in. I’ve also explained to him that not only is it embarrassing to see his name in other girls likes, but it can also give the poster the impression that he is interested.
Sure enough, one of the girls “Susie” that he has engaged with on social media DMed him. I didn’t hear this from him, but instead from a friend while I was at lunch. She said “are you and BF still together Susie told me she reached out to him and he really didn’t say anything about you. I had to tell her that you guys were together”
When I asked him about it, he didn’t deny that she had messaged him. I asked him if he responded and he told me that he responded with “I am not interested.” Initially I was OK with this response, but asked more to see how his story aligned with my lunch Friend story. I asked him if he told her that he had a girlfriend his response to me was “no I don’t feel like she needs to know my business. I don’t owe her anything.” This frustrated me a bit because it wasn’t like the girl was asking for his Social Security number, and although he doesn’t owe her anything he does, imo owe me the security of acknowledging us.
He became defensive and said that it didn’t turn into anything “she unfollowed me and I unfollowed her, and that was it.” this raised more questions for me. How did he know she unfollowed him unless he was checking the message thread or her profile regularly? And why was his Unfollow of her conditional of her unfollowing him?
At this point, I just asked to see the messages and he said I don’t think I have them anymore. translation: I deleted them, but won’t outwardly say that because I know you’re already pissed. He told me he deleted them because he didn’t want me to see it and turn it into a fight like we were doing at that point. He also said he didn’t want me to hate someone for reaching out to him. I could never blame a girl who is responding to engagement on her posts, especially when there is no indication of an existing gf.
At this point it’s just his words with no evidence, and although I don’t necessarily feel like he completely cheated, I do feel like he might be hiding something.
What makes this harder for me is he told me this all happened a month ago. At that point I was staying at his house taking care of chores, making him meals, and supporting him while he was at work. I was acting like a wife when he couldn’t even claim me as a gf. AITAH for wanting more answers and considering this the end if I can’t get them?
I consider it a red flag if he didn’t tell Susie that he had a girlfriend. Why would he be secretive about that? When trust in a relationship is broken, it is hard to come back from that. Be real with yourself and think hard about whether you want to continue being his girlfriend. You will always be suspicious of his activities regardless of whether he’s guilty or not, and it’s going to be a repeated source of unhappiness for both of you.
That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him liking posts of the opposite sex unless they are accounts that are sexual in nature. Does he like posts from guys as well? It’s not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. Try not to be paranoid or controlling about things like that. That’s not an attractive trait and can drive a partner away fast. I’m a woman in a male dominated engineering field and 95% of my friends/coworkers are men. They have become lifelong friends. I couldn’t imagine if my husband told me to never talk to them outside of work or like their FB or Instagram posts. NTA.