AITA for demanding my son repay the car I bought him after he totaled it street racing?

I (49M) helped my son (20M) get a car when he started college about 2 years ago. I co signed and put about $12k down on a used but pretty reliable car for him. From the start I told him it was not a gift, it was more like a loan from me. The idea was once he had a job he would start paying me back monthly, and also that if he started driving like an idiot I would take the car back.

Last weekend he completely totaled it. Turns out he was doing street racing stuff with some friends. The car is gone and now insurance is pushing back because it happened during illegal activity. There is still about $8k left on the loan so right now im the one stuck with it.

He does have a part time job but honestly most of his money goes to partying and games.

I told him he needs to start paying me back, I asked for $300 a month until its paid off. I also said if he refuses I might take it to small claims because I really dont want to be the one paying for a car he destroyed doing something stupid.

He blew up at me and said im heartless and kicking him while hes down because the accident “traumatized” him. He said parents are supposed to help their kids not treat them like debtors. My ex wife (his mom) is also on his side and says if I didnt want this situation I should have just given him the car.

Some friends say $12k is a lot of money and accidents happen so I should just let it go. But to me the deal was clear from the start and he broke it in a pretty big way.

AITA for expecting him to stick to the deal and pay me back?