My (33F) sister "Michala" (30F) married "Brad" (35M) three years ago. When they got married, Brad had a 6 yo son, "Jimmy".
From the start, my family treated Jimmy like he was a part of the family, as Jimmy’s egg donor was not in the picture (from my knowledge she hasn’t been around since Jimmy was a baby).
Everyone, that is, except for Michala. She has never been one to warm up to kids, and once they start being able to talk back, she loses it. I’ve witnessed more than one instance where Michala (and Brad) have been cruel to Jimmy. Nothing physical, but definitely verbal. And since Michala has had her own kid Sam (2M), her attitude towards Jimmy has just gotten worse.
Yesterday, I got a phone call from Michala; where she was very upset about news she received from Jimmy’s school. Apparently, Jimmy had made a statement at school about how he is being treated at home and it triggered a CPS call. Michala was cussing out Jimmy (who was in the back seat of the car) and saying if his mother wanted to take him, his a$$ would be on the next plane.
Finally, when I could get a word in, I told Michala that I was willing to take Jimmy in, that I’d put him in school near where I live and that they should get family therapy.
Michala immedately turned on me, saying that I was calling her a bad parent (which if the shoe fits…) and that I was trying to "upshine’ her. And I didn’t understand how much of a "pain in the a$$ Jimmy can be."
I know Jimmy has ADHD, and has challenges from that, which require patience and understanding to deal with (I have ADD myself, so I know what works). But when I have him, he is mostly a rambunctious boy who hero-worships his older cousin (my son, 17).
Now here’s where I may be the AH:
This morning I called the regional office of CPS where Michala & Bradlive and spoke to a caseworker. I explained who I was and that I knew Jimmy had given a statement. I told the case worker what I had personally seen of their treatment of Jimmy, my experience with Jimmy (his personality, ND disorder, and if he has a tendency to lie). I volunteered for kinship placement (for both Jimmy and Sam) should the situation warrant it.
NTA. I’m glad someone is looking out for Jimmy, too bad it is not any of the people who should be.
NTA… You’re looking out for the kid when your sister and his dad aren’t. Hopefully things turn out okay.
Nta, your jimmy’s golden light
NTA. You are looking out for the best interests of the kid when none of the other adults in his life will.
NTA. I wish every kid struggling at home had a loving family member like you to stand up for them. Maybe stop calling his biological mom an egg donor though, that’s not really respectful at all. Even if she abandoned Jimmy, you don’t know her side of things.
NTA. Your sister is a big AH for treating a child like that.
NTA as an adult you should always prioritize the care and safety of a child over personal relationships. You don’t know 100% what’s going on with his case and it could be worse than what you’ve seen. If you can provide a safe place for Jimmy and help him be in a better situation then I believe you have an obligation to do so.
NTA. Stepping up for a vulnerable kid who’s being emotionally targeted is never AH behavior. You know Jimmy’s not a “pain” when treated right, and ADHD isn’t an excuse for cruelty.
NTA. You’re trying to look out for Jimmy’s best interests and, frankly, someone in this situation needs to.
NTA. Jimmy has been failed by everyone in his life at this point. His bio mom isn’t in the picture, his step mom doesn’t like kids, and his dad dated and then married someone who hates him. I feel bad for the younger kid. Why people who dislike being around kids choose to have them is beyond me
OP, you are a rock star while your sister is a shit fly.
Jimmy is lucky to have you. Hope you’ll be able to bring him home soon.
NTA in this case.
But all your family is the AH for not stepping up sooner for that little boy, but now everybody can change that and give Jimmy a nicer life.
Jimmy needs therapy to cope with the fact that is parents treat him like sh*t and show love to Sam.
Please help them
NTA. Your sister is more upset about how the CPS call makes her look, not concerned about her actual behaviour enough to change it. That she immediately jumps to being defensive while saying the same kind of stuff that got her in hot water with CPS in the first place shows this. You’re thinking about Jimmy first and foremost, much more than his stepmum is.
You say she’s never been one to warm up to kids (in which case why did she marry a single dad?) or put up with back talk, how is she with her daughter? The fact you offer your home for Sam too indicates you don’t trust your sister to provide a safe home for him.
NTA you’re obviously not exaggerating if it’s the kid’s own statements that triggered the CPS case and your sister sounds awful. I don’t know how broadly CPS reaches out for statements or potential next of kin for rehoming, so I’m glad you reached out, especially since he loves your son, he’d be comfortable in your home. You might be the hero this kid needs.