My dogs name is Tuna and we thought it would be cute if we dressed him up as sushi for Halloween. Then my bf and I thought it would be fun to do a Japanese theme. My bf was a hibachi chef and I was a Geisha. We really weren’t doing it in a mocking or intentionally offensive way. We love Japanese culture and thought we did it in a respectful way. We didn’t do any offensive makeup or talk in fake accents.
My best friend is very PC and can’t tolerate anything even mildly offensive. They thought our costumes were culturally appropriating and disrespectful. They stopped texting me and I haven’t heard from them since Halloween. I would like to med things but I can’t if they aren’t willing to even communicate with me. I really don’t think we did anything wrong as we were not intending any harm and I think my friend is overreacting if they are willing to abandon our friendship over us having (unintentionally) disrespectful costumes.
AITA? If the verdict is that I am, I fully apologize to anyone that finds our costumes offensive. We really did not mean anything by it but I realize I may have been out of touch with the culture we were affecting. Please excuse our ignorance.
tbh the geisha seems a little off, not my culture so i can’t judge but is your best friend japanese? i think the sushi and hibachi chef is cute, especially if there was no ill intent or makeup involved. just a bit iffy towards the geisha. but your best friend cutting you off is something you didn’t expect? i mean if they take offense in a lot of things.
I think the hibachi chef and the sushi dog is really cute, however, the Geisha is where things get sticky. Honestly the best idea is to dress as something other than that, as Halloween is a night of costumes, not culture. Also, quick question, why is your dogs name Tuna? I thought that’s a cats name, but hey, I could be wrong, no hate.
There was a whole movement about cultures not being costumes years ago. BF had a good costume b/c anyone could do that job rlly. You could have been a slutty fisherman, a server at the restaurant, a hungry/drunk customer on halloween night (that way you could wear a different costume, but make sure to carry chop sticks). There are so many creative and fun ways to be on theme and inoffensive.
ETA: YTA
People need to understand the difference between appropriation and mis- appropriation. Unfortunately, it’s not an easy concept for most folks. I think a lot of liberal leaning people want to call this stuff out to either virtue signal, or they genuinely want to speak up because they just want to be on the right side of things. Just don’t be racist, and don’t worry what white people are offended by. Worry about if it’s offensive to the group of people you are dressing as.
YTA.
Mmh. Gently, YTA.
Your boyfriend was fine with the hibachi chef, and the dog in sushi is cute. You being a geisha was what pushed it, especially given the implications thereof in terms of Asian women often being seen as inherently sexually submissive, etc.
Make a sincere apology, but it’s up to your friend if they want to consider it forgotten or not. You can’t force somebody to forgive an action, no matter how innocently intended.
Thanks for giving me the reasoning behind why the geisha costume was offensive, I honestly did not realize that.
For everyone with issues with her dressing as a geisha, what about all the Samurai costumes? Or cowboys?
Cowboys are generally white and thus not members of an oppressed group. If you mean “Native American” costumes, then those arent okay either and this is a thing that is regularly talked about.
YTA.
The dog’s costume was great. Your boyfriend is fine, as long as he wasn’t doing a shitty accent. You yourself could have gone as a sushi roll or something. Geisha are very highly trained entertainers and have a bad rap sometimes because Westerners tend to think they’re sex workers, which they emphatically ARE NOT.
If you didn’t go as a sexy Geisha, that’s a point in your favor, and it’s not that there have never been non-Japanese Geisha (check out Liza Dalby, who was the first white woman trained in the tradition), but that these costumes tend to be disrespectful in their construction.
YTA. I’m surprised you even had to ask.
Yta for not even knowing what a geisha is beside it being Japanese. I would say it’s in poor taste. Your friend could have considered discussing why they had the opinion they did and I don’t think their reaction makes you an ah. Again dressing up as a geisha for Halloween without knowing anything about them is in poor taste. I think if you did some research you may have wondered if their traditional clothing is just a costume.
I gotta go against the grain and say YTA, because geisha. Geishas specifically do deal with a lot of disrespect from white people (to the point where tourists are literally banned from certain public spaces that geisha occupy), and their position is seen as sacred in Japan. It’s regarded as a form of high art, and the clothing is a big part of that. So that specific costume is a bit disrespectful, because you’re essentially boiling down thousands of years of culture to “yay funny costume”. The fact that you don’t know this tells me you really didn’t bother to do any research. Because this information is all over the internet.
Rule of thumb: if the group is not oppressed or regularly treated like shit by white people, AND it’s not an important spiritual/cultural thing, OR you have been given permission by a person from that culture, you’re probably in the clear. But it’s generally safer to stay away from oppressed groups and super important spiritual or cultural groups. Consider black face. It doesn’t actually matter if you meant to be respectful, black face is inherently disrespectful. Same applies to you basically turning someone else’s culture into a costume.
Tbh the fact that white people will defend you for doing this when there ARE so many other options available that aren’t offensive is the height of white privilege. You don’t HAVE to dress up like someone else’s culture. You have other options. It feels intentionally disrespectful to double down on the very few options that people have an issue with, for no reason. I hate to draw this comparison, but it is kinda similar to people using “freedom of speech” to justify hate speech. Like you’re justifying harming people when you could devote half that energy to just… not harming people.
Born and bred Japanese here. Did you do your research and try to recreate the authentic geisha look or was your costume one of those polyester “Kimono robe” from Amazon that look like part Chinese part Japanese part whatever Asian mishmash costume often styled with chopsticks in your hair? Because the former is cultural appreciation and the latter is a caricature. Did you really dress up as a geisha or as an “oriental” lady? If the former, good work. If the latter than YTA.