Hi Reddit
I just wanna start off by saying I’ve been going back and forth with what it is I want to do for my birthday for a few weeks. I made a group text with a couple of my closest friends saying I’d love to invite them all out to celebrate my 30th but that plans were still in the works and gave them the date so they could still plan ahead. At first, I was really excited about the idea of getting a private karaoke room but it would be a little bit of a drive (about 30-45 minute drive depending on where for most of my friends) because we live in a midwest town with not a lot of options in terms of group-going-out activities. I told a few of my friends that I was excited about that idea and started to talk about places we could go.
I was hit with this dilemma more so when my friend came forward and said she and a couple of my other friends talked and were uncomfortable with the idea of doing karaoke and also that they didn’t want to drive too far.
We talked about other options but the more its sat with me the more nothing really sounded fun, and it made me upset that they dismissed my idea for my own birthday.
Now my birthday still isn’t for a few more weeks but I went ahead and sent a text in our group chat that I wanted to go ahead and move forward with the karaoke idea and that I didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to go, but that I was aiming for a private room, I wouldn’t make anyone sing if they didn’t want to, and that the point is to just have fun and be silly together. I also stated that if they wanted to go but were concerned about money or how to get there they can reach out to me so we can try to make it work.
While I feel better staying true to myself and what it is I wanted to do, I can’t help but feel maybe I didn’t try hard enough. AITA for not having more consideration for my friend’s concerns for my event?
NTA.
It’s **YOUR** birthday, celebrate it how you want to celebrate it
NTA.
It’s your birthday, and you should be able to pick an activity. You already addressed what would technically be valid concerns (money + transportation) in a very tactful way.
When you’re friends with someone, you might have a lot in common but maybe you don’t necessarily love all the same things. They can relax and have fun for your birthday, even if karaoke isn’t something that brings meaning to their life. Plus a private karaoke room has no social pressure.
NTA. I hope you’re still able to have an awesome birthday, OP!!
No. It’s your birthday. You should be doing something for YOU. That’s the one day that without a question is dedicated to and all about you. Anybody else challenging you on that is the ass hole.
NAH. You should do what you want for your birthday, but if its something your friends arent into, they dont have to go.
But also i have to drive 40+ mins to see my bffs, cant imagine complaining about that much of a drive for your birthday.
NTA. Sounds like you’ve considered other ideas and still want to do the karaoke. Totally fine. That’s your decision to make. You’re inviting others to join your birthday celebration, not decide what to do.
NTA you should do what you want, within reason, for your birthday. A 45 min drive where I live is nothing, so I don’t get that. Lol But private karaoke rooms with your friends is like such a chill birthday, heck I’m in!
NTA. It’s YOUR birthday. You’ve stated that you don’t want anyone feeling obligated to do it. You’re good. Happy birthday!!
Your birthday is literally about you. If the people in your life can’t suck it up for one day to do something that you enjoy, find new people. NTA
OP, You did great!
You know what you want to do for YOUR celebration. You aren’t demanding anyone do anything they do t want to do or spend money they don’t want to spend.
It’s everyone’s choice, and they need to own their choice. (There is often SOMEone who wants what THEY want and tries make it your problem/obligation to please them. NOT your problem!)
Since you want to reserve a private room, ask everyone for a firm yes or no by X date. Do not offer to solve everyone’s dilemma about driving or cost for them. You don’t want to spend that day running around for everyone else. (That is how I almost missed my sister’s graduation!) they are old enough to solve their own problems. On that (X) date, Send a text out confirming that A, B, and C are coming and that you will reserve things accordingly.
When SOMEone whines/ wonders if you can’t ‘just’ switch to… whatever or do ‘one thing’ to make it easier for them, do not be inclined to say yes! Protect yourself. ONLY if the request is super small and simple should you consider saying yes. To everything else, say the plans have been decided. You can’t go out of your way and jeopardize being at your own party.
be happy with whomever comes to celebrate with you. And… sing your heart out!
ETA: fixed some mangled words (about NOT being inclined to say yes to special requests)…
NTA. Your birthday, your choice. You considered their reservations about the distance and the activity and offered to talk with them about other options if they wanted.
But I’m interested to know if anyone will reach out to try to make it work, or if those who had concerns will just not go. I ask because I have been in a very similar situation before, also with birthday karaoke, and in the end none of my friends wanted to go. My one ride or die had enlisted and gone off to basic training a month or so before my birthday and so I was already missing him. My dads got a bunch of their friends together and took me out to do karaoke with them and we had a blast. And I will never forget it because they were all such warm and lovely people that I didn’t think of my friends the entire night. It made me realise that I was always going out of my comfort zone for my friends, but I wasn’t getting the same energy back. It really made me reevaluate my friendships and think about what relationships I wanted to foster as an adult.
NTA you can do what you want on your birthday but you can’t expect everyone to be enthusiastic about it if it’s not their thing.
That being said, I happily fly 5hrs to see my best friend on her birthday so their excuse of driving to far is a bit lame.
INFO:
Is that long a drive typical where you live for activities? I know you said there arent karaoke rooms nearby, but do people typically drive that far for a night of fun?
Also – outside of the drive, what was their reservation with the plan?
Honestly I am torn. The whole “your birthday your wish” attitude is so American/westernized individualistic mentality. To me personally if I really wanted to do something that isnt others cup of tea, I would do it myself instead of forcing others to join in. I go for movies, meals, activities on my own often and find that it is way more fun enjoying it without worrying if people with me even like it. But I also see the argument of friends/family should be willing to make an effort for your birthday. It just depends on how uncomfortable/out of the way the effort happens to be.
NAH. It’s your birthday and you should enjoy it, but not everybody is comfortable with karaoke. If some of them are into it and some aren’t, then plan on just going with the ones that are and maybe get dinner or something with the rest either after or another day.
Personally, I have no interest in karaoke. Even in a private room it would be uncomfortable for me and I would not enjoy it. If a friend was having a karaoke party, I would graciously decline the invite. The problem you might run into is if none of your friends have any interest in karaoke and they all decline the invite. Would that suck? Sure. But the alternative would be you forcing them to be uncomfortable and have a miserable evening.
I would say let the group know you’d still like to go to karaoke with anyone that is interested and to text you individually if they are. If a few text back, awesome! Have a great night with them! If no one does, then you have your answer. You shouldn’t be forcing people to uncomfortable and unhappy just because it’s your birthday.
NTA for setting it up and inviting others. It’s your birthday and it should be about you.
But you need to accept it if they don’t want to go. You will be the asshole if they say no and you get upset at them. Karaoke is not for everyone and can cause massive social anxiety.