Required Background: I work full time while perusing a PhD, and my girlfriend has a 1.5-2hr commute home most nights. Because of our work and teaching schedules we have a standing date night once a week. Yesterday was date night.
Situation:
Yesterday was a long day all around. I had a few meetings on campus with my advisors (about 25 min or so from home) and had a few deadlines at work. In the craziness I missed lunch and was quite hungry when I got home. Instead of waiting for gf, I ordered an early dinner and ate it as soon as it arrived figuring she could do the same (but not conferring with her either way).
Meanwhile, my girlfriend headed for home. She had a shit day, her boss blew up on her for no reason because of an internal power struggle, her commute was extra long, and she was exhausted because an accident at her teaching gig the night before made it an extra late night. I knew she had a bad day and I was trying to make her night easier by rearranging our plans to accommodate her by meeting at her place instead of mine.
When she got home, I told her to order whatever she wants (no compromise for dinner choice!) , that I had already eaten and wasn’t hungry anymore but that I would sit with her. She was… not happy. She said that I should have had a snack and waited for her, or ordered for her too so it would be waiting because she’s always hungry when she gets home. That not waiting to eat with her on date night was an asshole move.
So what say you Reddit, am I the asshole?
YTA I get it. You were both under a lot of stress and you were hungry. But this was already selected as a date night. It’s not a date night to be told “go ahead and order and eat by yourself”. Eating alone while someone stares at you sucks. You should have communicated with her before ordering food so you could coordinate your plans for an agreed upon date night
Why didn’t you ask if she wanted food when you ordered??? YTA
I love how he tries to frame it as a favor he did for her
Could you not have communicated that you were starving and wanted to order dinner and asked her if she wanted you to order something too?
YTA (Not in a malicious way but a thoughtless way)
You’re both stressed and exhausted and you’re not handling each other correctly.
From her perspective she probably saw that meal with you as a moment of escape from her shit day to spend time with you and you eating without her was just another “fuck you” in a long day of “fuck yous.” She wasn’t angry about you not eating with her. She was angry you took away what little time you have to be a couple together during your chaotic days.
I get you’re both tired but the little things matter in a relationship. Even if they seem like nonsense at face value.
Seems like a text would have avoided all this
YTA for not communicating with her about it 🤦♂️
Why didn’t you just call her before you ordered food? A 5-minute conversation would have saved you a lot of hassle.
Yta for not using your words it’s as simple as hey babe I’m starving and going to order from x do you want something from there?
YTA- yeah that was thoughtless- it’s date night, you should’ve waited or sent a text and ordered her dinner too
YTA – it’s not really date night if she’s the only one eating and it truly does make a difference to us. You could’ve shot her a text and avoided all of this
possibly one of the easiest YTA out there. Jesus christ – you get in way before your girlfriend, not only order food for yourself without telling her but then do fuck all for her?
like, by all means, warn her that you’re gonna eat a bit before she gets in so may not have a full meal with her but
1. still eat with her
2. ideally cook something so it can be ready and warm and feel intentionally caring? or at a minimum, as she said, order something so it arrives right before her and ensure you keep it warm.
also if she always has the longer days and commute, shouldn’t date nights at hers be the standard?
Yta, it sucks when you get home looking forward a date with your partner, a nice dinner and hang out, and they already ate and didn’t even get you anything? Especially after a bad day. Id feel so alone. You should have called and gotten something for her at least.
YTA
It was date night. What’s special about it now? You ate a full meal entirely on your own less than an hour before she got home. With *zero* communication. Then … offered to watch her eat, I guess?
It would have been *so easy* to call to discuss this.