I don’t know if I should put this in a queer subreddit or if it fits here, but who cares. I (14NB) have been struggling with my gender recently, but I think I’ve figured it out. I’ve known I wasn’t straight since 5th grade, and I’ve been confident about that.
I came out to my mom as bisexual last year, and it wasn’t too bad, but it also wasn’t great. She’s a weird kind of homophobic where she hopes that the people she knows will never be any kind of gay, as it is a much harder life. It comes from a place of love, but still hurtful when she says that. What she said right after, was, "If you ever turn out trans, I’ll send you to the mental hospital, because you have DID and aren’t my daughter." 1. Not what DID is, 2. I was already questioning my gender, and that sent me spiraling, 3. Even if I wasn’t trans, why tf would you say that? It made me lose so much trust in her, because why would something as inconsequential as my gender make you do that?
My dad as well is a raging asshole. He has said to me, and this is a real quote, "This pandemic of gay shit is propaganda from foreign countries so they can reduce the birth rate and invade America." Wild shit like that. His opinion on trans people is even worse. Thinks they’re all sexual deviants who "get off on forcing people to call them something they’re not." He’s told me that they should all hide away so he isn’t forced to look at them.
Where I live, I won’t be a legal adult until I’m 19, and I really can’t make myself wait until then. I’m going to try and get emancipated, which I can do in two years, and then move away and cut contact with my parents. The problem is that I have two younger siblings (11M and 11F). I feel guilty about leaving them behind. Our parents go through our text messages frequently, so I don’t think I’d be able to have contact with them for fear of my parents finding my number.
TLDR: I want to move out of my parents home and cut contact, but I feel guilty about leaving behind my siblings.
NTA at all. In the future you can use google voice to get new numbers.
Sounds like you have two years to figure it out.
I would talk to your mom again and tell her the truth. Black people probably wished their children could be white when they were being hurt and killed for no reason.
It was a reasonable thing to say she wouldn’t wish it for you.
Trans is not wholly accepted by everyone and while you’ll find your people, you will have adversity from others.
At 14 I really think you should stay at home and have everything you need to grow and be warm/cool, food. Reach out to people that have gone through transitions to talk if you need to. Finish school. Give yourself the best start.
I’m going to stay until I’m at least 16 (maybe a bit older if the economic situation here worsens), which is the youngest I can get emanicpated at, but the problem with my mom is that she was somewhat ok with my sexuality, but not at all ok with the thought of me being trans. said I wouldn’t be her kid anymore, which I can’t tell if that is a threat to disown me? It’s a whole thing. thanks for the support though
Do not tell your mom the truth until you are guranteed you can be safe from her potential negative reaction. The person you replied to is a fool
NTA
How will you get emancipated without a job? Is the process hard in your country? It does not sound like your parents are abusive, just not supportive. Try to focus on the good for the next 2 years while you sort of a plan to make income. Being NB should not affect too much at your age, but becomes more and more hard as you age and start dating. Focus on the good for the short term
NTA
But it’s not easy out there op, if you know you can get support from other family, perhaps that would be a better place to start.
It’s a huge call cutting contact to your siblings, you will regret it and it will never go away, that feeling only gets stronger. Even cutting off your parents before seeing if they will accept you is a big move. Though your dad does sound like a complete arse about it.
You’re 14, I understand why you want to start early, but living independently at your age is going to be difficult. So make sure you have a strong plan, not some flakey one of sleeping at your friends house, something sustainable.
Do you know what will happen after you leave? Have you planned it? Don’t leave unless you have a permanent home till your an adult
NTA but I hope they don’t find this thread
NTA. Plain and simple, eventually you leave anyway, its what growing up is. You just choose to do so sooner and with cut contact. Continuing contact is not a right or guarantee for/to anyone.
That’s a major life choice friend. Depending on where you live, situations can be wildly different on the types of help you can recieve and paperwork/documentation you need to become independent. Theres programs and funds and such one can get to help. You do have two years to get it situated and thoroughly researched. If you are serious about this, start *Now*. Prepare everything the best you can as soon as you can and keep building up. This is a Personal Grade you have to give yourself and this test is a hell of a long one. Its not Failure to choose not to go. Its Failure if your emancipation results in your Harm/death. If, when you are 16, you still feel this is the Necessary and Right thing to do, you have a more realistically successful chance of avoiding homelessness and thriving for having been so prepared.