I (38f) had a rough time over the last few years. I had a bad breakup in which my ex kept my cat that I had raised since she was a kitten. My current boyfriend (30m) has a cat that he moved in with me named Pineapple. She’s absolutely lovely but she’s very much his cat and won’t do things like cuddle with me. I made it clear that I wanted to get a cuddly cat at some point but that I wouldn’t be disrespectful and randomly show up with one, especially at the time we were living in an apartment. The agreement was that the only way would be if the cat distribution system decided I got one.
Flash forward a few months. My mother (75f) asked if we would move in with her. She’s been lonely since my stepdad passed away two years ago and wanted people in the house. The idea of just paying for utilities made it that we said yes. Now, she hates cats. Never has liked them. She ended up really liking Pineapple because she’s super chill.
My birthday rolled around in October and while visiting a friend, a kitten came running up to me from across a parking lot. Mom was pretty upset when I told her I wanted to keep him and I tried to leave him behind. My boyfriend encouraged me to keep him. Mom eventually agreed that I could keep him I named him Soba.
Now, he’s a kitten. About seven months old rn and he acts like it. He’s at the stage of pushing boundaries, teething, etc. He’s had some bad habits we’ve had to break but he’s a work in progress. Right now, he has to be kept separate since he really wants to play with Pineapple; she takes it as him trying to attack her and turns it into a fight. His most recent thing is pouncing on faces while we sleep. I try to do everything that my vet recommends from playing with him before bed, getting him in a routine involving food, distracting him with toys and a last resort: a time out in another room until he calms down. Same thing applies to his interaction with Pineapple. Last night we had an issue where he decided 1am was a great time to spazz out and wouldn’t calm down. It was nearly 3am when I finally put him in time out. Mom got upset because he started crying and let him out almost immediately; he went on a rampage with Pineapple.
This morning, I tried to discuss this with my boyfriend that I needed help with this; he’s disengaged at best with Soba. I’ve been struggling to keep up myself because I’ve had a lot of issues with depression occuring the last few months. His reply was no, I just have to power through because he didn’t want the kitten in the first place and "I’m not going to raise him for you". My mom this morning told me I should really consider rehoming him since he is being so chaotic and I can’t keep up. My reaction was automatic no; Soba will calm down as he gets older and he already is everything I wanted in my own cat. There were tears and I accused both of them of being uncaring.
So, AITA for wanting to keep my kitten even though he’s causing chaos and stress in the house?
NTA for feeling the way you do but you have to figure out some solutions. Obviously you’re not giving him enough play time/stimulation. He may calm down but he also might not. My roommate had a very similar cat and he’s still a spaz 8 years later. I know you want to keep him but you have to be considerate of the other people living in your space. I think you owe it to everyone (including the cat) to try everything you can to offset his energy levels and chaotic energy but if that doesn’t work, you owe it to everyone (including the cat) to find a living situation that better suits him.
You’re right. I’ve been failing at giving him enough of an outlet for energy because I’ve been depressed and it’s taking a lot to just get up and go to work; I almost always fall asleep for a while when I get home. I guess I am frustrated a bit at the boyfriend because he just refuses to help with this even when I admit I’m overwhelmed and I need the help
I think you should also look into the depression see if you can get help
Lol… it’s a bit of a perfect storm on that. My therapist is on maternity leave and psych is trying but isn’t trained for this.
Oof im sorry
I used a tie thread for my sweatpants. I would throw it off the bed and drag it back towards me. That was my go to when I I couldn’t get out of bed. There are also automatic play things but not every cat clicks with them.
NTA – However, you do need to factor in everyone else in the home.
It’ll take up to 2 years for any baby animals to ‘calm’ down.
You had him since October and still haven’t gotten along with the resident cat – I’d rethink rehoming for him.
NTA- Cats are such fickle creatures, kittens will always be a chore to keep up with and like other users say it can take up to 2 years for them to I guess mature. I would say if he’s not fixed I would do that first and see where he’s at after that. But you do have to consider the other people in the house and the other resident cat. Your BF I will say didn’t help with this situation by only saying you have to get a cat by the “cat distribution system” most of the time you will only get kittens that way as adults tend to either belong to somebody and they will eventually find their way back or be feral and you don’t want that. He should have supported better and had you go to an adoption place or a foster where if it doesn’t work out you can take the animal back.
I got him fixed the moment he was able to be (I absolutely refused to have him spraying) and he calmed down significantly as well as wanted to be more cuddly. I originally wanted an adult because…for me, I wanted a companion cat, a lap cat that I didn’t have to train to not destroy things; I’ve had kittens before and it was always difficult even with more support. Soba is on the track to being a good companion, he just needs more time. And I’ll admit, I’m having trouble keeping up because I’ve been horribly depressed (life situations plus bipolar disorder). If push came to shove, I do have a few people I trust who would take him. I would be heartbroken though because I really love him
NTA. Frankly, it doesn’t really sound like your boyfriend will ever be your partner. Your mom sounds selfish. They both seem to “allow” you to do what you want begrudgingly. You sound suuuuper overwhelmed and they’re blaming you for your emotional state, when really they’re incredibly unsupportive.
Have 2-3 really physical play sessions with him every day, including right before bed. He needs to get that energy out. If he’s not flopped down exhausted at the end of the session you’re not done. Wand toys are great for this. Also, he needs lots of toys to keep him busy. Have you tried catnip toys. Catnip usually winds up cats for a brief while and then they chill out.
Really do all of these things before you even consider giving him up.
You’re sweet, thank you. He actually is one of those weird cats that doesn’t like catnip. He has a few toys he absolutely adores though we can’t find a replacement for his mousey toy that shredded to pieces. I play with him at least once but I also work most of the day outside the home and I have been having a lot of depression problems that have derailed it
Cats enjoy catnip either by eating it straight or simply by sniffing it. Depending upon the cat, it’ll either zone them out and they’ll lie there all “hey man…” or they’ll go spazzy. Kittens will grown into their liking of the ‘nip.
Toys usually have catnip or noise-makers inside. You could try more of that.
The banana or fish or pickle shaped ones are particularly good as they will rabbit-kick those while trying to get the “heads” off.
Mousies end up under the fridge, stove, or sofa. Get a pool noodle to tuck under the sofa first to make retrieval easier. 🙂
For kittens and young cats, a soft string that wriggles around the bed, around pillows, behind you, etc. is also a great cheap toy. One that you don’t have to have much energy for when you play with them. Tease the motion, then quickly move a few inches!