Not a throw away because I would like my husband to read and see the responses as well. I (40F) have been wanting a septum nose piercing for quite sometime. Ever since I’ve seen a few girls with really cute smaller ones it’s something I’ve wanted. I’m not a very alternative looking person (I don’t dye my long hair, I only have ears and belly button pierced, 2 tattoos) but I keep seeing them more and more and I just kept getting the itch. I’ve even asked around a few girls where they got theirs done. Well today I finally pulled the trigger and I got my friend and their kid a piercing for a Christmas present.
Well I came home and wanted to surprise my husband (40M) and he crashed out over it. I guess in all my musings I had never really mentioned it to him (although I could have sworn I did). He said that I did this purposefully to antagonize him, this has to be a joke, how could I do this without consulting him first? Also that I look ridiculous and he hates it. He then went on to say I do whatever I want whenever I want, which is true, but so does he so I don’t really know what his issue is. My issue is that it’s my body, and it’s such a minor piercing, and once the healing one can be taken out it will just be a cute little rose gold ring. He told me to leave and to take my friend and her kid home. I said if I leave I’m not coming back. He just kept saying "get out" over and over again. So now I’ve left and an staying at a hotel for the night to think things over.
I’ve never seen him react like this over something I find so minor, but maybe I just don’t see his perspective at all? To me, it seems like his love for me is so superficial that a piercing can break that. I also think he’s just really concerned what his parents will think or something. He seemed really focused on how I did this to hurt him (which is such a wild accusation). He also said something to the affect of what everyone at work will think, which I give funny since I work in a hospital and people I work with have all kinds of peircings and hair colours. So AITA?
NTA – idk what’s going on with your husband but it has nothing to do with you!! honestly, for someone to start tweaking like that… it’s almost suspicious. ESPECIALLY the get out get out.
not to get reddit on you, but did he know you were coming home? is it possible he was hiding someone in the house? it’s the worst case scenario but such a big reaction that is out of character… i struggle to find a reason outside of cheating or drug use or just hiding SOMETHING.
i am curious about the “major” things he’s freaked out about “like this” before because that is in no way a freak out that anyone should be having on their partner. maybe there’s a thread there?
Girl NTA but also what the heck dude, this guy is crazy for dying on this hill of all things.
Septum piercings do come with a certain stereotype so maybe he’s freaking out that you’re gonna go all vegan liberal on him or something?? Cause idk why this is such a big deal to a grown man. This is a huge red flag and if he doesnt apologise, its grounds for breakup.
NTA and he still worried about what his parents think? I don’t know why he married you then should’ve married them instead if he willingly to throw this over your head you are an adult it was your body and money. I wouldn’t do that to my partner like that they get to do whatever they want to be happy that’s the whole point of being in relationship. Happy Wife happy house is a phrase for a reason. I hope you still keeping the septum piercing I personally think it makes people look badass.
NTA. Some people consult their significant other before making a change in their appearance, whether it’s getting a tattoo, dyeing hair, new styling, etc. Your husband just sounds like someone who wanted to be asked for his opinion. Maybe he, like many others, doesn’t like pierced septums. Whatever the case, he shouldn’t have blown up at you. I suggest you two talk this through because yes, it’s your body and your choice, but his outburst was a bit much.
ESH. You didn’t give him a heads up, and he overreacted. Personally I think they look stupid. If my wife came home with one without letting me know in advance I would just start mooing every time I saw her.
ESH. Sure, it is ultimately your decision, but that is a big deal to get a facial piercing without your spouse even knowing about it. I can’t imagine how much shock I’d be in if my husband came home with a random piercing. Your husband definitely sounds like he was too angry with his shock, but you are downplaying it to us, so I can only imagine you were downplaying when talking to him about it as well, which couldn’t have made things worse. I’d probably feel like I was being gaslit if my husband tried to act like something like that was no big deal while actively in shock about it.
I get where people are going saying that he sound controlling but like…you’re married and making a theoretically permanent alteration to your *face*. That isn’t clothes, haircut, etc.
lmfao please shut the hell up. It’s exactly like clothes or a haircut. It isn’t even like other facial piercings, as it can be very subtle and leaves zero outward scars. She can do what she wants without consulting her husband about it.
NO
I personally hate them.
I have a granddaughter (20) and a niece (30) that have them, And I truly hate them. But not my kids.
As a 40 yr old woman, maybe it’s cute on you, but, I have my doubts.
Good luck
NTA. I would just collect your belongings and leave him for good.
To be that angry over a fuckin septum piercing is insane. To be hurt that he wasn’t told first, ok fine I guess, but it’s such a small piercing; yes, it’s very visible, but it can easily be taken out, so if he’s that much of a baby about it you can take it out when around him if you wanted to. It’s not like it’s a huge ugly scar across your face. (And no, @ people ITT, just because you think they’re ugly does not make them the same.) Hell, I got one while I was away on a trip and my man didn’t notice at first when he picked me up, and after a while stopped noticing it, to the point that he again didn’t notice at first when I took it out and it almost felt strange to see me without it.
“I (40F)”
NTA.
NTA. I don’t get all the ESH or YTA responses. I’m personally not a fan of them but if it makes you happy it’s your body. You don’t need to run it by your husband. Do you run it by your husband when you get a haircut? Or new clothes? He overreacted.
NTA. My husband doesn’t care for septum piercings. You know what he said when I came home with one? “Wow that looks better than I expected it would, I’m so glad you’re happy!” It’s that fucking easy.