I (19M) am from a really poor family, and no one in my family has ever gotten an education past high school. Both of my parents and all of my older siblings work dead end jobs and only graduated high school, but I wanted to really to go above and beyond. I moved to a big city (close to home) once I was done with HS and met my current long term gf (20F) while she was visiting the town for friends. We met at a bookstore and it was love at first sight. We are currently long distance (3 hour between cities) but I do want to move to where she is. However, I don’t see that happening for quite a long time with where we are in life right now. Early this morning I got an email from a really good University I thought I had no chance with that they accepted me into a one year program, along with scholarship opportunities (it felt like I was winning the golden ticket) that I believe will open up so many pathways for me. I immediately called my girlfriend because I was so excited and she went quiet and then sighed really loudly. I was immediate confused, and asked what was wrong but she said in a very annoyed tone that it was "nothing, just setting back all of our future plans." I tried to tell her that it’s only a year long program that will be mostly funded by a scholarship so I can continue to save over the year at my already pretty decent paying job, but she was still upset and just said we’ll talk about it later when she gets home from whatever it is that she’s doing. That conversation was a few hours ago and I feel so confused. I don’t think it’s setting back anything, and it will help me lots in our future. Am I really being an a-hole?
Never date anyone who demands you curtail your future for theirs. Find someone who wants to grow with you. NTA.
I agree 100%. Bettering oneself should be supported.
NTA You absolutely need to put yourself first here. You have dreams and goals, and now have the opportunity to make that happen. Do not give up all of that for the girl you’re dating at 19. If she’s really the one, it will work out and your “plans” can wait. You’re both too young to be thinking about marriage or kids anyway, 19 is the time to focus on yourself, get an education or learn a trade, and start building your future.
Congrats on your acceptance and your scholarship. That is a huge accomplishment and your hard work has paid off. You owe it to yourself to follow through.
It’s not setting you back, it’s just an alternative to what she thought should happen
NTA
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with educating and improving yourself. In fact, it will be beneficial for the both of you, in the long run. Hopefully she can understand that. What good is a future plan if you aren’t financially stable?
NTA.
You NEED to pursue your future and you NEED to get an education.
It’s important that you take the opportunities that come and this sounds like an excellent opportunity. If your girlfriend doesn’t support your goals to get an education, she’s not a good girlfriend. You are only 19. If there is a real future in your relationship, then a year won’t make any difference. Getting a scholarship is not something you should turn down. Often these kinds of opportunities are few and far between.
Good luck.
Jesus.
NTA but your girlfriend doesn’t seem to care one iota about YOUR future, only her ‘plans’ for your future. Does SHE go to school? What are HER plans for the future, career-wise?
Be smart, go to school, prepare for your future. Life will change drastically from being 19 and from a poor family, to being educated and excited about your future. Best of luck! Don’t let a (what appears to be) self-centred long-distance current girlfriend stand in your way of what your future COULD be.
NTA — Please learn from me who wasted too much time on my first relationship (he threatened to break up with me if I went away for college). Do this year long program. You deserve a partner that supports your improvement.
NTA. Education comes 1st. Its a amazing opportunity. If she doesn’t support it then she isnt the one
NTA. It’s a little bit telling that your GF sees something that improves your future options as something that interferes with your plans. Especially at your ages, but really at any point, a partner who expects everything to go their way, even when opportunities could improve the future for you, is controlling, not supportive.
I’ll be very curious if you update us with what’s exactly bothering her here. If it’s the extra year apart, some frustration is understandable, but also comes with other options rather than you giving up.
I will say there is one grey area here, and that’s whether she knew that this program was an option. It’s one thing to say an opportunity she knew you had applied to has come through, but entirely another for her not to have known that this was even an option. The surprise of “Guess what! I applied to another program and got accepted” is certainly worth getting upset over, even if she still doesn’t have a good stance for interfering.
Oh to be 19 again and think that someone you’ve dated for a year, tops, long distance is a long-term relationship. OP, if she doesn’t support you, she’s not the one.
NTA. Get that degree and rise up. Many congratulations to you! I was first-generation college and I’m so proud I did it. Well done!
NTA. Always pick education over marriage and a dead end job. Give your future kids more than you got.
NTA
Education lasts forever. Unlike many relationships.