Context I(20M) have a gf(21) of 5 years and recently i just moved to a different country. We talked about it and we both said that we’d try to adjust our schedules so we can both still talk. Some background info on what we talked about:
A. I wake up at 5 am just in time for her to sleep, and before i go to school.
Now here’s the catch she’s started reading a new book, and for three days consequently she forgot to talk to me and call me saying that she just fell asleep, then whenever we text, she just replies so dryly or just doesnt respond at all bc she’s reading and when I asked her calmly, can I have some of you time because this is a difficult time in my life and I just need someone to talk to (i dont have any friends yet) then she snapped at me saying that Im restricting her from having time for herself, and blaming her school schedule. But for me I just feel like I wake up extra early for her and she just doesnt appreciate spending time with me. So AITA for getting mad ate her?
Info: how is she using you an emotional punching bag when stressed? Your whole complaint is that she’s barely even talking to you.
What’s her school schedule?
What are you doing on your own to manage your emotions and deal with loneliness ? She’s spending a lot of time of reading – what activity have you picked up that will give you the same opportunity?
She snapped at me when i asked her if we can spend more time tgt. She told me that i’m restricting her from having some time for herself when she obviously has so much on her plate
Her school usually starts at 3pm where i am currently, and ends at 10 pm.
Well i work, and do sports im trying to make new friends st my local gym but so far no luck
You sounds too dependent on her. You two don’t need to talk everyday. I would still say that if you lived in the same town. Maybe you should get a hobby or pick up a book too?
I do have my own hobbies too, i just feel lonely, especially now that I moved, and my only constant just always has a book and doesnt even lmk when she’s going to sleep. But thank you though, i’ll try to keep myself busy too, just so im not too dependent on her
You’re trying to make your girlfriend your entire world because of your current situation, and that’s not what she signed up for.
Having said that, a lot of long-distance relationships don’t last because out of sight, out of mind. You need to build an independent life in your location so you’re not relying only on her. The dry responses may be a sign things are on their last legs.
I don’t feel like I can judge this without her side. There are just too many possibilities here.
Maybe she’s trying to set boundaries because you’ve been overly clingy (not saying you have been, but the potential is there in the story). Maybe she’s depressed. Maybe she doesn’t really like you anymore. Maybe she’s just being an AH.
I will suggest that you find a friend PDQ because relying on one person for your entire social support is a recipe for codependency.
Sorry what does PDQ mean?
Pretty Damn Quick
I don’t think anyone is the AH but getting mad at her is over the top. You are in a new country and adjusting is hard so you feel you need her support. She doesn’t understand this situation so she’s not being there for you AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. Does she turn off her phone so you can’t call her and wake her up? (Calls are free on WhatsApp and Messenger.) I mean, if I dozed off while expecting my bf to call, I’d wake up from the ringing.
NTA I’m not sure why people are saying you’re being clingy with such little information given. I personally would also grow frustrated if my partner suddenly acted distant and dry for three days. Especially over a book. I understand being engrossed, but her reaction shouldn’t have been to snap at you when you voiced your concern.
I do agree that I would like to hear the gf’s side, but from what OP is saying, the gf kinda sounds like the asshole here. I think the gf could’ve gone about it differently. If she had calmly said something along the lines of “I’m sorry. I’ve just been really into this book lately and I wanna finish it with my free time” then that would’ve been fine. In a relationship you’re not ENTITLED to all of your partner’s time. You can have a few days where you don’t wanna talk as much. But, again, snapping at OP was unnecessary.
I can’t believe no one has said this yet. To me it seems so obvious, she’s got a new man!! Boyfriend in another country and she’s too busy reading??
Either that or, “She’s just not that into you.”
I was long distance with my husband over 20 years ago. He was stuck in our old area without friends, while I’d moved away for uni. I was having a blast and experiencing everything new, and he was becoming more and more dependant on me – like his world revolved around me. The situation resolved when he went to uni the next year, and was similarly busy and interested in everything.
I wrote all this to tell you that this sort of neediness is very draining – it’s hard to be attracted to someone putting that much pressure on you. There has to be a balance – you need to stay close – but at the moment you’re straining your relationship.
I, as a woman, want to feel like I can rely on my partner, like he could hold up my world if everything falls apart. You being whiny and needy are sabotaging that feeling for her.
Hope this helps!
NTA
Your heading should read “AITA for asking my gf to give me her undivided attention during our phone conversations”. I laughed cause your headline reads as though you just don’t like your gf reading.
Your gf needs to understand that she’s in a relationship. A long distance one at that. It’s only fair that she give you her undivided attention AND makes sure to call/text when she said she was going to.