I (28M) am in a relationship with a 54F partner (“L”). We met while I was studying abroad and she was working in the same country. Early on, I was struggling financially, and she offered me housing. Over time, I became dependent on her for stability while finishing my studies and dealing with visas.
Although we technically kept separate finances, she paid for most shared expenses. I rarely asked her for money, but when I once did due to a delayed paycheck, it caused a major argument. Since then, I’ve felt uncomfortable asking for help or pushing back in disagreements.
She also promised that when her overseas contract ended, we would move to Europe together and she’d help me find work in my field. Based on this, I didn’t renew my visa. However, she later renewed her contract, and I had to return home.
We stayed in contact, and she occasionally helped me financially. Later, she asked to reconcile, and eventually helped me relocate to her European country. We now live with her mother.
Since moving, the relationship has changed. We rarely have sex, we argue frequently, and our life goals don’t align. I want to build independence and eventually start a family; she doesn’t. My visa and work options are still tied to her, which makes me feel stuck.
I’m planning to save money and move out, even though she helped me relocate and supported me financially at different points.
AITA for leaving the relationship to regain independence, despite the help she gave me?
ESH. ”and eventually start a family; she doesn’t” What a great fucking idea with a 54 year old women.
Feelings and ideas change overtime, while I didn’t want kids at the time, how I feel about it may have changed
I meannnn NTA for not wanting to be with someone but you do realize your visa being tied to her means if you leave her you’re breaking the law….. right….????
Yeah I do realise that but what am I supposed to do? I guess I’ll stick it out
I mean obviously go home to your own country at that point…. You’re there under her — if you leave her the only right thing to do is go home and re-apply for work visa or citizenship.
NAH
A relationship that didn’t work out. That’s all this is. I will say that you should have expected this… You’re about 26 years younger than she is…. Damn near half her age. Of course your life goals don’t align… She’s gonna be retiring while you’re just getting started in your career.
I don’t feel bad for either of you. You chose to be with her and stay with her because she was helping you made life decisions based on your relationship with her. She could have easily moved on but she chose to “reconcile” with you. No one should feel bad for someone that repeatedly offers to support someone only for it to backfire. She’s 54. She should know better.