I 16F live in a small house. My parents room and me and my sister’s room connect to their room via sliding door cause their room has the AC so it can just waft into our room. This weekend i had a very important exam 8AM. The calltime being 7:30AM. So i needed to wake up at 6am. The night before i ate with them until 12am already accepting i was not getting alot of sleep.
Then everyone went up. I repeatedly ask them nicely to please tone it down and im trying to sleep but no avail. The setup was, me and my sister have a bunk bed. Her bed is a queen sized bed. So my aunt, former estranged older sister was there, and my 4 year old sister, and my sister. So yes there was alot of shuffling and screaming for my 4 year old sister to come sleep.
So i was fed up i wanted to cry. I went up bringing a blanket, pillow, and my phone. I went to the guest bedroom that has no AC and was extremely hot. I forgot my charger and i went to my room and saw my uncle in my bed. I think everyone visibly saw i was annoyed or exhausted and felt embarassed.
I woke up that morning exhausted as i had slept at 2:30 – 3AM. I woke up annoyed and exhausted told my dad home felt like a boarding house. I was pretty rude i admit that. Then my grandmother chimed in saying i won’t be blessed, and my dad agreed. I went to the car and didn’t talk to him. I came home 12pm everyone was still asleep i fell asleep in the study room until 9pm.
Later that night he did family bible devotions and made me read verses about endurance and being thankful that everyone was loud because they were happy.
* They said my aunts and uncles were also tired and we can’t just kick them out. And that everyone just came here in a coincidence.
* I told my mom how i asked them nicely 3 times and she said ‘just that much?’ i asked if i was suppose to ask 77 times? my dad said yes
* My mom pointed out about how my uncle bought the food
* My mom said i should’ve gone to them to complain and she would’ve made everyone quiet down. But they would still be loud with all the shuffling.
* I told my parents how when its them sleeping they demand we be quiet and then she said its different and im blaming them for something they did a month ago?
* She said i had an "ugly attitude" and i was rude to my dad and i keep walking out. I said i walk out so i won’t snap and scream at everyone. Then she says its not hard to be a good person.
* They said they’re the parent here and im just the child.
* She asked me did i just expect her to tell my relatives not to come over every important exam i had? i said yes. She said i had a bad attitude.
* When i asked my parents how to change my ‘bad attitude’ they said im smart so i could figure it out on my own.
So in short i assume they want me to just take it for the sake of family.
That sucks, next exam. Claim your bed early and don’t eat late.
Okay, so now you know a few things:
* your family don’t give a rat’s a$s about your performance on exams, even important ones that can affect your future schooling, and they may even sabotage you on purpose;
* your relatives’ decision to randomly visit and have a big, loud, late dinner was more important than your need to study and sleep;
* the adults in your life would rather crap on you about your justified disappointment in them, than to actually feel guilty and make it up to you; and
* your parents woud rather weaponize religion against you than choke out an apology for trashing your exam prep.
You’re a smart kid, so start making a plan for the next exam — where can you sleep (and study) beforehand that’s quiet? At a friend’s house? In a shed in the back garden with a mosquito net? In a car? Whatever it takes, start doing that, because it’s obvious that your family don’t want you to get a good education…maybe they’re afraid you’ll move away from them, or do better in life than they did….
NTA and I’m sorry you went through that.
That’s the thing they want me to succeed. They even said that specific college wasn’t that important and I’ll find one either way and not to worry. They just don’t want to tell my relatives to not come the dates I have an important exam and it frustrates me so much.
Thank you so much for your response this was really comforting 🫂
>they want me to succeed
OP, there’s what people SAY…and then there’s what people DO. What your folks did does not match with wanting you to succeed — they just decided that the college “wasn’t that important”, trashed your chances, and got mad at you for being upset.
Well, if it was important to you, *it was important,* OP. If nothing else, you wanted the practice in doing a college entrance exam.
>They just don’t want to tell my relatives to not come the dates I have an important exam
…because they’d rather have an open-door party-palace policy for your relatives, than protect your chances on an “important exam”. Good to know for the future.
Gotta ask, who is the most educated person in your family? Would your parents listen if THAT person told them to protect your study and sleep? You might need adult allies here.
Here’s what funny and ironic to me; The college i was doing the exam for is my mom’s school. My mom is taking her masters right now. And I really wanted to pass that school since she says it’s a really amazing school.
And just now at dinner they were talking about how much of an amazing school it was and all I could think of was “ah I probably ruined my chances because I wasn’t in the state of mind to answer”
Even more ironic is all my relatives were supportive of me and are all college graduates with good jobs. My mom is just prideful and puts them over me and I might sit her and my dad to talk to them about this.
Thank you so much again for your response this made me sob so hard sorry for my long yapping
Pssht, you’re not “yapping” OP — you’re a young person working your way through a very thorny problem.
Ask your mom and dad what happened the night before YOUR MOM took the entrance exam for that school. Who came to the family party that night? How many folks were stuffed into your mom’s bedroom that night?Was there a 4yo child in the house too???
…Personally I would worry that your mom is jealous and doesn’t want you to attend “her” college. What do you think, is it possible she deliberately sabotaged you?
…Again, I think you might need to find yourself an alternate refuge to study and sleep in peace before the next important exam. And if your parents continue to decide that your college dreams aren’t “that important”, you will need to either stop telling them about crucial exams and dates and go Grey Rock, or simply remove yourself from the household for good. Because in the real world, your education is going to matter a heck of a lot more than whether your parents hosted a bunch of family for happy dinners.
Good luck and catch up on your sleep if you can, OP. Lots to think about.
Culty vibes here. NTA.
Your home sounds chaotic. Who lets a 4 yr old stay up after midnight, and eating dinner that late?
Actions speak louder than words. Their actions show they want you to fail, and they only care about themselves.