I (21F) been dating my boyfriend (23M) for 2 years now. Everything has been great so far and his family has been welcoming to me, although my family is a little bit more naturally friendly. His parents are the strict conservative type but have kept any comments they may have to themselves (I am not conservative, I have tattoos). But I really haven’t had complaints so far.
We were at an early Christmas party at his uncles house last weekend. We had a gift exchange and I had decided to get me and my bf matching shirts that say “I ❤️ My Hot ADHD Boyfriend/Girlfriend”. We obviously both have ADHD and I thought they were pretty funny! When he opened his gift him and his cousins and some of his nephews/nieces were dying laughing. However, his parents were staring daggers at me. I could feel their animosity towards me the rest of the evening and it made me a little uncomfortable. But my boyfriend loved his shirt and changed into it right away.
I was talking to my bf’s sister yesterday and she told me her parents made a comment yesterday about the shirts, basically saying they’re inappropriate and “why would she get him something like that?” I really don’t think it would be a big thing but maybe I’m being a little insensitive? So I guess I’m asking, AITA here?
NTA – if he likes it, that’s what matters.
His parents are ableist who see ADHD as a source of shame.
I bet they don’t care about the ADHD part, they care that the shirts describe each other as hot. They might be mad about both things, but the fact that they are conservative makes me think it’s about the implied sexual attraction.
NTA for the shirt itself. It’s super funny. I made my bf a shirt that says “I don’t struggle with autism, I’m actually very good at it”.
Gentle YTA for giving it to him in front of everyone. That’s one you keep between the two of you, parents don’t understand how it’s become a joke and is not an insult.
Do you think it’s the ADHD or the “hot boyfriend/ girlfriend” part? I could see if they’re truly conservative they wouldn’t really want to see shirts that allude to the fact that you all are sexually active or find each other hot.
I actually didn’t even think about it, I am meaning to talk to them about it but I wonder if that’s actually the reason they didn’t think it was appropriate.
Your boyfriend loved it. There shouldn’t be any questions.
Added vote: nta
It’s more to do with social behavior and less to do with AITA.
His parents may harbor guilt (or complicated feelings) around his ADHD. Perhaps they dont believe he has it, perhaps they feel guilt that they didn’t get it treated, perhaps they do believe he has it but harbor a bit of shame around it – perhaps they just are worrywarts and just harbor genuine concern around it and can’t tolerate any joking.
It’s one thing to joke about your own mental issues – it’s another thing to publicly tease someone else about their mental issues. Even if they receive it well, it can make you seem insensitive or can rub others the wrong way.
I don’t think youre TA – but I think you can learn from this and be a bit more discreet when gifting with larger groups of people that you are unfamilar with.
Very sensitive take. Also OP doesn’t know what the parents actually said. Instead it’s the pot-stirring sister gossiping.
>It’s one thing to joke about your own mental issues – it’s another thing to publicly tease someone else about their mental issues.
This, and especially with generational differences. My parents definitely are from a culture and time where speaking about mental health in general is taboo and you wouldnt catch them dead in a shirt advertising what they are dealing with. So maybe BFs parents are like that but the gift was for BF and he loved it, so OP should just ignore it.
NTA – all that matters is that he loved it. his parents opinions on the shirt are irrelevant because it’s not a gift for them.
NTA – there are different approaches people take to this topic. Some people think of any medical diagnosis as extremely private.
Like one of my daughter’s friends at school is completely deaf in one ear (to the extent that hearing aids won’t help) and her parents are very very private about it. They won’t tell anyone and are worried it would embarrass her kid. Meanwhile my friend at work is in the same situation and regularly says “can you stand to my left so I can hear you? I can’t hear anything out of my right ear” like literally everyone knows and she doesn’t care
Some people think medical diagnosises are private. I personally think that’s weird too because then other people are unable to make small accomodations to make everything easier (like above example of standing by the hearing ear)
I am in your camp, we should normalize being open about medical, emotional etc challenges and differences in our lives.
A lot of older people are still of the opinion that neurodivergence and mental illness or any disability is something to be ashamed of. They especially feel it makes them look bad that their bloodline is “weak”. They make passive aggressive comments about “that boy aint right” but they certainly don’t think anyone should be out and proud. They suck, fuck em
Parents that don’t have adhd rarely understand AdHD and are often ashamed of it. See it a mental disorder, something that shouldnt be joked about etc. So embracing it and laughing at it seems inappropriate to them.
But who cares what they think
NTA
NTA…I know a few people who would love a shirt like that