My best friend (M31) moved to Florida a few years ago so we don’t really see each other much in person. He’s married now, recently had a kid, but we do talk most days and play video games online together here and there. I (30M) understand the frustration of not being able to hang out in person but we’re in our early thirties now and there’s a lot going on.
I own a retail store and it’s very busy during the holidays, and Xmas and new years are the two busiest times of the year and he was flying down with his wife and 6 month old baby between 12/20-12/26 and told me this a few days before they flew down. 12/20 (Saturday) is my girlfriends birthday and she and I had planned to be together and go to a winter wonderlands light show together since Thanksgiving and overall just be together that weekend. I offered my friend to join us at winter wonderland around 5 pm. They said they couldn’t to that, so then said we could probably meet around 730-8pm. He said his baby had to be in bed by 8 pm so they couldn’t.
Today I gave times and dates I could meet up in between or after work but the schedules just didn’t align. I have to give my employees a day off which is today (Monday 12/22) meaning I work all day until 7pm alone. I’m able to meet later at night for dinner or just to meet, but it doesn’t work for them as the baby needs to be in bed by 8pm, and the times I offered such as Tuesday (12/23) they’re unable to do since they had prior plans. So because of this they’re upset with me since I can’t meet up, but I’ve given up to 4 separate instances where I’m available, it’s just that those times don’t work for them but they’re still upset with me
I’m trying to make it work but this always happens whenever a plan is being made to meet up. The schedules don’t add up and then I get blamed for it and it sounds like they’re making me out to be a bad friend and it makes me feel bad, but I am genuinely trying, it’s just over the holidays it’s really tough with work and I had already had pre planned things with my girlfriend the weekend they flew in.
EDIT: I have pictures of the texts in a seperate post in my profile from yesterday
I love them both very much and they’re very good friends and I understand them getting frustrated, but I’m not really sure what to do from here or how to deal with it. Please help!
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NTA. Christmas is a crazy busy time for a lot of people. This all boils down to them not giving you enough notice to plan successfully. That said, you have been as accommodating as you can and providing multiple options and made an effort so this isn’t on you, it just isn’t working out this time.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve suggested. They gave you late notice that they’ll be visiting, and you already had prior plans. You tried to suggest alternatives, but as you mentioned, it just doesn’t align.
They have a baby, so that’s understandable that they can’t be out late, but you have your store and you can only be out later.
NTA.
NTA, they knew before a couple day of arriving they were coming so they could have told you in advance if they really wanted this to work. They want you to sacrifice your job for them when they couldn’t give you enough advance notice. Sadly you can’t see them this holiday and that will just have to be fine.
NTA You’ve given several times and they don’t line up. Sometimes, that’s just how it happens.
NTA. And quite frankly, they sound narcissistic. Who tells their best friend that they are coming into town 5 days prior to them arriving and expects them to just drop everything for them??
Nta. See if you can arrange some time off after the holidays and go visit them. or ask if you can visit where they are staying while baby sleeps.
I’m in a long distance best friendship with my oldest friend. We plan things well in advance (I’m flying to see him in early March. People need to accept the need to plan.
“Listen, I understand that things are tough with a new baby, but if you really want a trip where we can prioritize hanging out together, you really need to include me in the planning stages *before* you pick your travel dates. I would love to hang out in person, but that’s always going to be tough if you pick days when I already have a lot of obligations.”
NTA. Sometimes plans don’t work out, especially when new babies and retail work (or other professions that have “opposite” schedules) are involved. It would be nobody’s fault, except that they are AH-ishly putting the blame on you.
On a more practical note: We have had a lot of babies in my family in the past few years, with all kinds of restrictions due to their sleep/eating schedules. There are numerous ways around this, including the parents taking shifts, hanging out in hallways (at the edge of the baby monitor’s range), bringing the baby’s travel crib to other people’s houses, etc. I’m not saying it’s easy or that it is the same as before the baby comes along, but it is possible. Plus, even if you have to skip a few get togethers now, in a year or two, the baby is old enough to really show their own personality, and that’s *amazing* to watch
NAH
Life gets in the way. Planning is the key, and making time for friends is hard. “I have kids.” “I have a business to run.” Both valid, both are higher priorities than the friendship. That’s no one’s fault, really. But maybe a frank conversation about it would help make everyone see that “I’m in town and would love to meet up,” does not mean the other person is a bad friend when the answer is “can’t make it work at that time,” any more than refusing to travel or accept houseguests while the kids are in school would make them the bad guys.
I don’t understand how your friend cannot meet you alone after baby is in bed. Wife can surely be left alone with the kid for 2-3 hours? Or is she your best friend too?
NTA. Don’t let them guilt trip you. Turn it around on them and ask them why they only told you they were coming on the 20th. Ask why they didn’t plan time for you in advance if they wanted to see you. You see, you aren’t a bad friend for trying. You gave them plenty of alternatives, but they chose not to make them work. They could leave kiddo with family or a sitter for a few hours. Having kids makes people more inflexible, but they should understand that by now. This can hardly be a surprise for them.
NTA. Your friend barely gave you any notice of their visit. You’ve tried to be accommodating and offered them several options, which they turned down. I would have gone with N A H, but the fact that your friend is upset with you and blaming you for this isn’t fair. If they wanted to meet up with you, they should have given you more notice and made plans with you ahead of time, especially since the holidays are such a busy time of the year.
It sounds like they basically expect you to drop everything and hang out on their timetable, which isn’t reasonable or fair.