Hey everybody! Long time listener, first time caller.
I’m 30yr(m) and I’ve recently taken in my sister’s dog (let’s call him Spot) for the past few weeks. Due to various life situations (work, living with our mom, church duties, planning her marriage), taking care of Spot has become very difficult for her. Spot is a Great Dane puppy and has A LOT of energy. If he was a person you’d probably diagnose him with ADD. For the past year Spot has been stuck in the garage in a giant cage because our mom won’t allow him in the house anymore. For a year it’s been a constant string of him breaking out of his crate, having accidents in the garage, tearing up whatever’s lying around, and overall big puppy behavior. Despite our mom’s constant pressing for her to give him away, my sister loves this dog and cannot part with him. So since I live alone and have some free time due to the nature of my work, I offered to take care of Spot till my sister and her fiancé got their own place.
I won’t lie, it’s been tough. I’m used to living alone so the transition to living with Spot has been hard these past few weeks. You have to understand, Spot is a VERY good boy. He’s so lovable and sweet, there isn’t an aggressive bone in his body. But he just has so much sporadic energy, selective listening to commands, hates his crate, huge separation anxiety, and no personal boundaries that it’s left me absolutely too exhausted to do anything else but watch him. After two weeks, I was recommended by a friend to a trainer that I had considered when we first brought Spot home two years ago. But back then my sister was against the trainer because she thought it was too expensive. Two years later, he’s staying with me and I thought “It’s just a free consultation. I can check if this could be good for him and if it is I can pay for it so my sister doesn’t have to worry.” I went to the consultation and honestly it was very nice and gave me hope for the first time that I could train Spot to be a more well behaved dog and structure out some more of his stronger puppy tendencies. Instinctually I signed up for a course as I left and updated my sisters in our group chat.
This is where I messed up. My sister got upset at me because I didn’t ask her permission first to get Spot training. I tried to explain that I thought he needed this and that she shouldn’t worry about the money because I’d take care of it. She said I crossed a boundary without telling her and that if he was too much for me I should’ve just brought him back. I finished the convo by saying that I was willing to get a refund and bring Spot back to her, he’s still her dog, but I think it’d be a huge disservice to Spot who could really benefit from this, and her in the long run.
Am I the asshole for signing up my sister’s dog for training when I think he could benefit from it? I didn’t mean to try and take ownership of her dog and I hope she knows that.
NTA – your sister was frankly abusing and neglecting her dog by keeping it constantly crated in a garage, isolated, and without any socialization or training. You’re trying to put things right for that poor puppy, she should be grateful
NTA – your sister and mom were essentially abusing this dog. Quite frankly, the dog should be rehomed if the dog does not get a stable and loving owner in the next few weeks (like you seem to be), But you are in no way an asshole and the fact your sister is angry boggles my mind.
NTA, your sister relinquished this type of control over her dog when she gave up the care of it to you. If she has a problem with this SPECIFIC trainer then she’s welcome to find a different one, but as it stands the dog isn’t suitable for a normal pet life and someone needs to train it.
Hell, at this point is she even involved in the dog’s day to day life? What’s keeping you from sending it to the trainer and just not telling her at all?
Definitely NTA- you were doing that puppy a huge favor and also your sister. A dog is never a bad dog unless you make it one (not saying spot is bad). Plus I don’t understand why she would be against such a thing when you are paying and she knows he needs it… I get the asking for permission but you did give updates so perhaps she’s embarrassed she didn’t do it herself? Not sure but anyways you are not the ah here for sure and your sister needs to be talked to about keeping this sweet boy and taking care of him. Dogs are not decor you don’t buy them and let them sit in your house to do whatever. There’s so much to do with dogs besides the occasional feeding and getting let outside she really is abusing and neglecting him. Someone needs to give it to her harshly and with no bs that she takes care of him or gives him to another loving family. I wish you the best of luck either way OP
NTA your sister should not have pets.
Dogs need companionship and company. Without that, they will do the things this dog has done.
You’re sister is horrible for being mad at you for taking better care of the dog than she ever would.
NTA.
Please still take Spot to training.
Perhaps your sister and mother need a reminder that spot is a living being. You don’t just lock a living being in the garage and expect that their behavior is not going to be problematic.
NTA.
I seriously wish someone would help me with my dog and training in this capacity. Your sister should be grateful. Especially since you already paid for it!
Edit: Wanted to clarify. My dog is well loved and taken care of, but she’s only partially trained because I’m disabled and have a hard time with getting her to listen to me sometimes. But overall, she’s the best dog I could have ever wanted.
NTA, training for a giant neglected puppy (which he is) is fanatic! And since she’s so down to ditch him now, guess what, you’ve got a dog! It’s the wedding, it’s the honeymoon, it’s moving, it’s a human baby…
NTA
stop bringing up training with your sister. but absolutely do it.
NTA. Not training a Great Dane puppy is a recipe for disaster. Leaving the puppy alone for long periods in the garage, also not good.
Being a pet owner means we do what’s best for the pet where possible. Ignoring the issues won’t make them go away.
Having a dog is clearly too much for your sister. Well trained dogs are a benefit. If someone wanted to pay for my dog’s training, is jump at the chance.
NTA. Your sister and mom were abusing that puppy by keeping him crated for long amounts of time and not providing him with any outlet for his energy. Bored and frustrated dogs destroy things. If your sister gives you crap, threaten to call the ASPCA on her. She should consider the training a wedding gift. You are doing a wonderful thing for Spot. And how the hell are you crossing any boundaries? You are taking care of her dog. That includes the ability to make veterinary and training decisions. How does she expect him to live in your home if you can’t make decisions, for example, whether or not he’s allowed on your furniture or in the kitchen.
When my beagle was a pup, I started sending her to a dog walking service where she would walk and play with a group of 7 other dogs. It was expensive but it was so worth it. She would come home totally exhausted. No more bedding or pillows were destroyed. The dog walker was also an animal behavioralist, so she would provide training on the walks. She would bring her home and show me what she taught her. She did it of her own accord, she never asked my permission for training. But I was completely grateful for the attention and extra help. I never felt like any boundaries were crossed. If it’s any consolation, I had a Great Dane years ago and they are very trainable dogs. They are just gentle giants who need attention and affection. He’s probably so happy to be free of that cage and finally getting some attention.
Definitely go ahead with the training. Your sister can kick rocks. She had her chance to be a responsible dog owner for a few years, and she blew it. I honestly wouldn’t trust her with the dog anymore. If she pitches a fit then maybe you don’t really need to go to her wedding. Spot is very lucky to have you in his corner. Somebody needed to finally look out for his interests.
NTA Your sister pisses me off, and I don’t think I’ve ever expressed such a thing here before. She should’ve realized that Spot did need training when your mother declined to have him in her house.
When she learned you went for the consult, signed him up and paid for the course, she should’ve thanked her lucky stars – and you! What a relief for her not to have to tackle Spot’s behavior after all the wedding hubbub. How great for Spot to learn and be rewarded for being such a good boy. Everyone wins. No? Why not, sis?
NTA
Firstly, this isn’t a boundary, your sister needs to learn what the new buzzwords mean. And secondly, the dog is living with you, so he’s basically your dog right now. Anyone who doesn’t train their dogs is a massive ah, huge! It’s desperately unfair, and I would go so far as to say abusive, to leave a dog in a crate all say because you won’t put the effort into caring for them properly. She’s essentially mentally damaging the dog by not training him, he lives with you, she doesn’t get a say.
UPDATE:
My sister and I talked. I apologized again for going ahead with the training and not checking with her first. She let me know she’s sorry too and that she just feels frustrated that she doesn’t get a say in her dogs life now that she’s so far away and it just hit her deeper than she was expecting. She thinks she has no say in what happens to Spot now and that wasn’t my intention to make her feel so distanced from the bettering parts of his journey.
For context and to help paint my sister in a better light the first few years with spot were hard. He had dietary issues and would make accidents in the crate that she and my mom primarily cleaned, he was strong and pulled super hard on the leash (with her arthritis it was impossible), he was a big dog and my family was used to smaller more petite pups. My mom was ready to find him a new home but me and my sister refused and took it upon ourselves to keep him. I stayed in my mom’s home for a full month to train him because where I was living then didn’t allow big dogs. But I was miserable. We got cheap Petco training and no matter how hard I’d repeat the lessons he wouldn’t learn and me and my sisters would be at odds. I realized I missed my home and being in my mom’s house stressed me out to no end. So my sister agreed to look after him full time so I could go home and she shouldered the full responsibility. She figured out a new leash structure for him, his diet, so many things I didn’t know. And then just last year my mom hit her with the “he’s no longer allowed inside” rule. We’ve been through a lot and she’s put way more time into this dog than I have. Even if she hasn’t done everything right I’m proud of her and want to make sure she gets the best pup back when she starts her new life with her future husband.