Hi, I’m new, sorry if I make a mistake against the rules or something. So I (30F) married my husband "Elijah" 4 years ago, and from the beginning of our relationship we worked virtually (he for clients, me in a company).
Two years ago I discovered he was having an online affair while I was pregnant, so I asked him that I should have more access to all the stuff (smartphone, bank accounts) and also to delete his social media except for WhatsApp. He agreed reluctantly. I stayed for the baby.
Last month, unfortunately, there was a personnel reduction in my company and they fired me. In the last year though, my husband got really comfy and because I was earning 3 times more than before, he started losing his clients and not looking for more. So when I was fired, we faced having basically 0 income. I asked him to get any type of job to help us. Because he has no college degree, he took the job of a local cashier in a nearby supermarket. We are surviving with minimum income. We have a broken fridge and we are saving for that.
Two weeks ago I found out through WhatsApp that he was having a close friendship with a coworker, "Clara". She is younger than me and according to my husband "has a boyfriend". He sends her audios. She is very flirty with him. I saw this and ask him to please stop this as is hurting me. He said I was too jealous, but agreed, said he has "talked to her and stopped the friendship". I went to the supermarket the other day and she was staring at me horribly.
As today is my birthday, I went through his bank account to send me some money to buy a soda. And I found out that he has gone to a restaurant yesterday. Weird, as we don’t go out to eat like a year ago. So I thought the worst: that he invited Clara to eat. I confronted him and he lied saying "someone has stolen and clone his card" and "if you want me to resign then I’ll do it cause you are too jealous". I threated to ask her directly. He admitted he invited her lunch because "she didn’t have money that day and she’s just a poor woman", that "I shouldn’t get mad because he was doing a nice gesture". He’s now only apologizing for the lie and not the "gesture". He says that "God will be good with him for having good gestures". He didn’t spend a lot, but I’m really pissed.
Is he right? AITA?
YTA if you stay with this man. He’s ruining your life.
This feels like watching someone rationalize their way into another affair honestly. The “God will reward good gestures” line is particularly rich coming from someone who already cheated once. Clara definitely knows what she’s doing.
girl stand up – YTA
NTA for getting angry, but YTA for “staying for the baby” and allowing yourself to be continually disrespected. And why would you stay with a man who doesn’t respect you or your relationship for a baby? So the baby can see it? Pull yourself together and leave this loser.
“Went through his bank account to send me some money to buy a soda”
LOL…WHAT?! This part and the way some other things are written are leading me to feel like this can’t be real.
You shouldn’t have stayed. The baby would have preferred happy parents to this. Or, at least one happy parent.
NTA and please leave this lying cheater. Get tested
Make a plan first, then leave him. The man is a gaslighter and it is obvious that he is having an affair. NTA.
This isn’t about him taking a coworker to lunch while not being able to afford it, it’s that he lied and he’s cheating on you. AGAIN. He is a liar. Stop asking questions because it will be, you guessed it, a lie. Jump off the merry go round of betrayal already. YTA if you stay with him.
N/TA for getting mad at him, but you will be T/AH for allowing this to continue. Please get out. He’s unfaithful, lies, and has 0 respect for your feelings. If he thinks buying lunch for a ‘starving co-worker who’s poor’ is more important than supporting his family, he obviously cannot prioritize. Nor does he care to. Give yourself some peace of mind.
You’re both the AH.
Your list of demands and ultimatums in reaction to being cheated on are nuts. You should have left him then, but if you aren’t going to, you have to move forward and learn to have a normal relationship, not snoop through his stuff waiting on him to slip up.
He’s broke, lazy, AND a cheater? He’s literally bringing NOTHING to the table right now.
NTA But you are if you continue to stay.
1. He’s taking food out of your baby’s mouth (and yours) to feed a coworker.
2. He’s doing this with full knowledge that your home needs a fridge.
3. He’s already had an emotional affair online.
4. He lost his clients and got lazy because you were making money.
5. He’s working for basically minimum wage and not trying to do better.
6. You clearly don’t trust him.
7. You clearly have reason not to trust him since he lies so easily.
and finally … staying for the baby is the biggest mistake you will ever make. The baby will grow into an observant child who thinks the dysfunction in your household is normal. They’ll think it’s okay to struggle to pay bills. They’ll think it’s normal for daddy to spend money on other women. They’ll think it’s normal to go without. They’ll think it’s normal for women to be unhappy in their marriage and life because that’s just what women have to do. Is that who you want to raise? Because that’s who you’ll be raising if you stay.
Call a friend. Call family. Tell them you’re coming. Go. Get a job. Get a home of your own. And coparent to the best of your abilities.
Sweetie, I say this in the kindest way possible. You ar3 a fool if you stay with him. You should have never stayed the first time. He either is already having an affair or he is working up to get physical with that other woman. He has been using you to support himself, you said since you were making so much money he basically stopped working. Take your child and leave
He’s having another affair. NTA