This sounds really stupid and I can’t tell if I’m crazy but every time my boyfriend does the dishes, he always leaves 1-2 dishes in the sink.
For context, we’ve been together for 6 years.
The issue is, whenever he does the dishes or other chores, it almost feels incomplete. He always leaves a singular dish in the sink.
I’ve asked him about it and he just laughs. It almost feels like he’s purposefully leaving them for me to do. I got upset at him and told him that it feels like he’s doing it on purpose because he knows it makes me upset. I can’t exactly understand why I feel mad and why he does that. Can someone help me understand?
I’ve expressed how it makes me feel upset, especially because when I do the dishes, I do all of them at once. He thinks it’s not a big deal because he did the rest.
It’s just a small little thing but it makes me feel upset for some reason?? AITA?
Also, this has happened more than 15 times at least… every time I ask him why he can’t just finish all of it but he never has a good reason. I’m confused, he thinks I’m being weird for getting upset at him
How old are you two? My son used to do this when he was about 10 or so. He also would ‘accidentally’ beak a dish here and there. When I finally got him to talk about it, he said it was because he didn’t want to wash the dishes and “besides, you LIKE washing them, so I’m just trying to be nice”… I, in fact, do not like washing dishes, and he was not doing it to be nice.
His whole plan was that he hoped I would get pissed off at giving him the same lecture over and over and over, that I would just decide it was easier and less frustrating doing them myself. Spoilers, it didn’t work out how he planned, his allowance was garnished to replace the dishes he was breaking, and dishes became his main chore until he got his crap together with it. (IE: did the dishes right, didn’t miss any. Anytime I had to lecture him on dishes, he got an extra day pf doing dishes on his chores)
I get the feeling it is the same with your boyfriend. But, unlike my child, you can’t ground him or make him finish what he started. But is this the kind of passive aggressive behavior you want to deal with in the long run? Is he like this with other chores too? Does he generally carry his weight financially and domestically?
If it’s only dishes he being PassAgg on, maybe swap a chore with him of equal annoyance to you? If he’s like this with other things, then maybe you need to reevaluate how much stress he is worth?
So refreshing to read. So tired of the “boy moms” here enabling bad behaviour. Good job on actually parenting.
NTA – i smell weaponized incompetence. Confront him about it. Or leave. If you have a kid with this person youd suffer.
Is your boyfriend always passive aggressive? Is he aiming for weaponized incompetence?
To me, that almost sounds passive aggressive, an intentional poke to annoy you, especially since he laughs when you point it out and refuses to change and finish the whole task. NTA, I’d be annoyed too.
this, is this the kind of behavior you want to deal with for the rest of your life?
This is exactly why you live together before marriage. Now you can ask yourself this question and decide if you can tolerate it. Assume he won’t change and make the decision. Plenty of men out there don’t do dumb shit like this.
You asked him about it, told him it upsets you, and he just laughed?
How old is he?
NTA. You’re describing a weird, asshole behavior. Not something I’d wanna live with, if I were you.
True. He’s doing it deliberately to annoy OP. Probably because he doesn’t like her and is manipulating her to take over doing all the housework.
Laundry? Leave his favourite garment in the hamper. Laugh.
Shopping? Leave out his snacks. Laugh.
Making dinner? Leave out his plate. Laugh.
“Are you mad honey? I thought this was our little in-joke. Isn’t it?”
Seriously though, I’ve always found a lot of practical jokes to be kind of mean spirited. Take a hard look at that man of yours. Is he a nice person? Does he like and respect you?
As petty as I would feel by doing it, this is what I would end up doing, too.
It reads like they’re doing it on purpose because they know how much it upsets op. They’re probably hoping op will eventually just say not to worry about it, pure weaponised incompetence.
Yes he is doing it on purpose! NTA
NTA. I feel uniquely qualified to answer this. My ex husband did this literally every time he washed up.
It was pure, unadulterated passive aggression and weaponised incompetence. He displayed these traits in lots and lots of different ways, the dishes were just the most obvious and consistent example. When I asked him about it, at first he tried to deny it/laugh it off. Then we finally got down to the problem… He didn’t like being asked to do it, so he just did it until HE was “done”(not the dishes), and figured I couldn’t complain because there was still less to do than before.
It annoyed the heck out of me for literally years. Honestly, this is one of those small red flags that usually indicates a much bigger underlying one. This is the type of man you hear “the divorce came out of nowhere” or “she divorced me over a few dishes” from. It’s NEVER just a few dishes, that’s just the straw that breaks the camels back, but they seem incapable of grasping that. You’re not going crazy, he is being an AH, straight up tell him you won’t tolerate it.