I’m 19 now, but I’ve been vaping since I was about 16. It started as a dumb "everyone else was doing it" thing and it kind of stuck. My mum absolutely hated it when she found out back then. We had a lot of arguments about it through sixth form. Lots of confiscations and lectures. At one point she even started doing urine tests. Even though I was furious with her at the time I agree with her trying to stop me in hindsight. It was a dumb decision to start vaping and I wish I’d never took it up, and I appreciate she was trying to look out for me.
A couple of weeks ago my friend (17) said he was curious about vaping and wanted to try it. He asked me because he obviously can’t buy one himself yet.
I figured that if I said no, he’d eventually find someone who would give him one, so I agreed. I went out and got one, but I filled it with vape juice that was 0% nicotine and in the most awful flavour I could find. I figured if he was curious, he could technically try vaping, but I didn’t want to be the reason he started a nicotine habit. I didn’t tell him there was no nicotine.
A couple days later I asked him what he thought. He said he didn’t get why anyone vapes. He tried it a few times just to see if it would grow on him, but it didn’t, and he said he’s not interested in trying it again. It worked!
Fast forward to yesterday and I decided to mention this to my mum while we were chatting. I thought she would find it funny how much I’d changed and maybe even be a little bit proud of me. Instead she said what I did was wrong. Her reasoning was basically that I manipulated him. She said my friend asked me for something honestly and I deliberately misled him by giving him something I knew wouldn’t represent the real experience.
What really threw me was when I pushed back and asked if she’d feel the same way if the situation involved weed or even something like coke. I assumed she’d say that’s different, but she didn’t. I told her that if she were my friend’s mum then she’d probably be pretty happy with the outcome. He tried it, hated it, and now isn’t interested in vaping at all. From her perspective that should be a win. But she responded her point was that I’m not his parent, and even parents "shouldn’t trick kids about what they’re putting in their bodies". I even asked if it would have been less bad if I gave him what he was expecting, and she said yes!
This reaction surprised me a lot coming from her because she spent years trying to stop me vaping and was very intense about it. So hearing her suddenly take this "people should make their own choices" stance caught me off guard, especially when what I did was less harsh than anything she did.
I can see where she’s coming from, but I still think it’s a valid way to stop someone from taking up vaping. AITA?
NTA
but in future don’t loop your mom into talk about substances, she is just not in the same world as you are.
NTA. You did your friend a favour.
Nta – it’s good that you helped protect your friend.
NTA, you literally saved a 17yearold from a lifelong addiction he’d regret later, so honestly your mom is tripping with that “honesty” logic.
NTA you saved that kid from being manipulated by a nicotine dependency. Wish I had someone do that for me. Sure maybe he will be upset with you later on for lying to him but the lie was necessary to keep him from starting up a dangerous habit
Now that you’ve told us, don’t ever tell anyone else!!
NTA.
While I am firmly against manipulation and lying in almost any circumstance… I also vaped for a decade. I didn’t quit until my late twenties, after vaping the nic equivalent of a pack a day for a decade. Lying for someone’s own benefit is a fine line and a slippery slope. Not something that I want to make blanket-statements about. But I think you truly were in the right, in this situation.
It’s the same idea as dads who let their children try a sip of their beer in order to convince them that alcohol is gross and not worth pursuing — It may not be a fool-proof plan, but if you can convince a young person that a dangerous substance is gross and boring rather than enticing and exciting… May God watch over you and your deceit, lol.
You may not succeed in warding them away from it for life, but even if you can just *delay* their exposure to it… that helps. Maybe it’ll be delayed until a time when they’re more ready to resist peer pressure, have better coping strategies, are less impulsive, etc. At the very least, you’re delaying the onset of the self-inflicted damage.
From now on, don’t discuss this with *anyone*. Not just because they might disagree, but because if it gets back to the person you were trying to help/deceive, it will not only be messy, it will likely increase their resolve to explore what you were trying to safeguard.
ESH. Mom is defensive because you’re still vaping and now you’ve just told her you bought one for a friend, the wise choice would have been to say no. Or at least not tell your mom that you bought an underage kid a vape. If you appreciate that she has your wellbeing in mind, it’s best to not bring up these difficult subjects with her at all unless you’re talking about quitting. You’re not in a place with her right now where you can joke about it, and I’m not sure why you think she would be proud of you for this.
I know you think you’re being clever, but the real win would have been to have an honest conversation with your friend about how difficult nicotine addiction can be, especially now that it’s in everyone’s faces all of the time. The harm these things can do is incredible, I’ve developed severe asthma due to vaping for the last 10 years. It’s not a joke or clever to try to manipulate people into not doing it. I see where you’re coming from and hopefully your friend doesn’t ever pick up the habit, but I think if I were 17 year old me I would have appreciated someone being honest and telling me that most people find it obnoxious to constantly be vaping and that it WILL lead to serious health problems if you don’t stop.
Nta- your mom is probably jealous this scenario didnt happen when you were a teen. She has had to accept you using a vape, so her saying you should let him do it fully is just because shes had to convince herself its ok to vape.
Nta honestly – this is a sign of you growing up and making your own choices.
Her inputs are valid but you didn’t go anything harmful , and did it with positive intent.
Hopefully in a few years when your friend is more mature and past the vulnerability stage you can tell him yourself. He’ll likely be incredibly thankful
NAH.
Your intention was clearly to prevent your friend from starting a nicotine habit, which is a good motive. Instead of giving him nicotine, you gave him something harmless, and the outcome was that he decided vaping wasn’t for him. A lot of people would see that as a positive result.
Your mum’s point isn’t really about vaping though. She’s focusing on the principle of honesty and consent. From her perspective, you let someone put something in their body while believing it was something else, even if it was safer. That’s why she’s uncomfortable with it.
So you weren’t trying to harm your friend, and many people would probably say what you did was understandable. But your mum isn’t wrong either for thinking people should know exactly what they’re being given. It’s mostly a difference in values about honesty vs. harm reduction, not you being an asshole.
NTA. I have been trying to quit for longer than I was a happy smoker. You did your mate a favour
Idk how ANYONE here is saying YTA wtf??? NO YNTA you literally stopped a MINOR from developing a nicotine addiction. If you had bought your friend a vape with nicotine in it it would have been a crime anyway so wtf. You probably should have just told him “No im not buying you nicotine” but I understand why you did what you did because you’re probably right that he would have just gone to someone else. But in the end you cant hold yourself responsible for his actions if you had refused to buy it for him and he went to someone else anyway. I feel like this is probably one of the better possible outcomes, maybe just be forthcoming with him about it later
I’m not going to pass judgement, but I have a few things for you to consider.
1. If you found out someone you trusted tricked you, would you be ok with it if they gave the excuse ‘it was for your own good’ or would you be angry they treated you like a person who wasn’t capable of making a decision for yourself? Would you still trust them? Is it really ok to lie to people and trick them because you feel you know what’s best for them? That’s a slippery slope, where do you draw the line?
2. If your friend found out what you did, would they be angry with you? Especially when you go around telling people, things like this are going to get found out. Would you tell someone they were wrong to not want to be friends with someone who manipulated them, or does cutting off a person who manipulates you sound like the correct response?
3. If your friend had had a bad reaction to the vape or ingested something that caused a bad reaction with it and had to go to the hospital, would you be ok knowing they didn’t have the information they needed to get help because they didn’t know what they had actually been given?
I get wanting to feel like you did something good, but a lot of bad things are done with the belief that it’s for someone’s own good. If it’s not something you would be ok having done to you, why would you do it to others?