I’m a single mom to 3 kids, Jonah (9), Elise (5), and Mila (3). I have a babysitter, Cameron that picks the kids up every day and stays with them until I get home. She typically works 12-15 hours a week.
Cameron has a severe tree nut allergy. We have an EpiPen in the house for her and the only tree nuts in the house is Nutella, which is strictly a weekend snack.
The kids went to their dad’s house last weekend and I guess he packed some sort of trail mix in their lunch. When Cameron was emptying out their lunchboxes, she had a reaction. She called me but I can’t have my phone on me at work, then she called my neighbor and my boyfriend (our emergency contacts). Nobody picked up so she packed a bag with tablets, toys, and snacks, loaded the kids into her car, and took them to the ER with her.
Cameron is totally fine. The kids were a little freaked out by the hospital but when I eventually got there, they were all fed and entertained.
I had her take the week off, paid, and sent her a $250 bonus for having to deal with that. I also told her to let me know how much the replacement EpiPen and the hospital bill ends up costing and that I’ll cover it.
The problem is that I had set aside that $250 for Jonah. He started flag football and that was supposed to cover his uniform, shoes, and any other expenses. I texted my ex and asked him to get Jonah his flag football uniform and shoes but he refused since that’s what he pays child support for. I told him that I don’t have the money for it anymore since Cameron had a medical emergency while on the clock due to him packing trail mix in their lunches after I told him he was allergic. He’s upset that I’m sending his child support money to the babysitter when I knew my son needed shoes and is threatening to take me to court for misusing child support.
I told him he’s welcome to do that but in the meantime, either he gets the shoes and uniform or Jonah doesn’t play flag football. Now he’s out calling me a bad mother to anyone that will listen because I want him to pay for his kids activities for once.
NTA.
But you need to reframe it as replacing the EpiPen and associated costs. Not for the football shoes
NTA. A good babysitter is worth their weight in gold and since none of what happened was her fault it’s only right that you pay for her medical expenses. The only a$$hole in this story is your ex.
NTA.
You’re taking care of your babysitter and making sure you won’t need to find a new one.
Sometimes shitty things to good people. The is one of those situations.
NTA. You are a very thoughtful employer. The ex shouldn’t have packed nuts knowing the sitter was allergic.
NTA – tell your ex to try. Unless you’re performing illegal activities with the support money, you can spend it on whatever you want.
As for the kid, yea taken in a vacuum, I can see both sides. But it’s not! Your ex gave her the issue that caused the hospital trip. The fact he has no empathy towards that is concerning.
NTA
Dads a cheap@ss. Sometimes kids need more. And taking care of the babysitter for reliable support is important for having future childcare.
NTA. The kids need a babysitter and you used the child support to pay the babysitter. That’s not misuse of the money at all. You spent it on the kids. Furthermore it was due to his mistake that you had to do that at all.
NTA – Ex can’t be upset that you’re using the child support for…literal child support. I don’t think it’s clicked in his head why he might have to pay child support lol
NTA. A sitter is someone you entrust with the lives of your kids; potentially losing a good one is a much bigger problem than not playing football for a season (unless dad pays).
Unless your divorce paperwork says differently, Child Support is typically for daily every day expenses and things like extracurriculars are extra and should be split.
Nta! He screwed up. He should be responsible for covering the costs. Regardless of the fact that your child support is to help pay for things for your children, he caused an emergency situation. Your babysitter sounds absolutely fantastic! Your decision was correct. He can cover the uniform or the kid can’t play. You sound like a wonderful mom.
NTA
Child support is to pay for everyday monetary issues stemming from the children I.e. food, clothing, toilet paper, everyday essentials.
Flag football and the accessories therein would be considered extra so I would encourage him to try to take you to court over it. The judge would laugh, if he has the money to take you to court, he has the money to pay for his mistake in sending nuts to a (predominately) nut free home.
Arguably he’s a lucky man for not killing the babysitter and potentially a phone call to his employer instead of dealing with him directly would be a fun appropriate move here since he won’t talk to you in a way you deserve to be spoken to.
Child support actually goes to the children’s basic living expenses, not typically including extracurriculars (which he should additionally be paying half of). Your ex should be the one paying for the pen replacement and the bonus. He poisoned your children’s caretaker. That’s not okay and if anything he is the bad parent because he couldn’t even be considerate of the person watching his children. NTA.
Why isn’t the ex covering the babysitter’s medical expenses since he caused this? He knew of her allergy and still packed nuts?
NTA. You’re a good employer. And your babysitter sounds great. Ex is totally unreasonable and don’t appreciate the person who takes care of his children.