Long time stalker, first time poster on a throw away account
My brother (26)inherited my mother’s engagement ring from my late father. My brother has decided to propose with said diamond. He and his current GF (24) had it designed by the original designer of my mother’s (55) engagement ring per my mother’s wishes. The design came back bad. It looks like a spider. Bro and his GF are not happy. My mom refuses they go with anyone else because it’s \*her\* diamond.
I tell my brother to use a jeweller his GF likes, design it to a style she likes. He told me it’s not his problem. His GF needs to sort it out because he’s not the one who’s going to be wearing it. I told him she can afford to buy her own damn rings if she wanted to (she earns more than him) so what value is he really adding to it besides financial value? What makes it special is the thought the dude put in (amongst other things)
He said I made him feel bad, now he won’t talk to me. AITAH for calling out his 0 effort?
NTA
Mom needs to keep her nose out of this.
Bro is the one proposing and should work with GF to find out what she likes, and then get it done.
If this is how he will handle married life, that marriage will fail.
NTA
“She is the one who has to wear it” is a bolt statement. She can always decide to not wear it and simply look for someone who cares
your NTAH. Does he not care about his future wife? It’s pretty cold to say “she needs to sort that out because hes not the one that’s going to wear it” because hes the one asking to marry her, it’s not the other way around LOL. Things like this are supposed to be thoughtful, dont feel bad your not in the wrong for trying to help him, it’s his own loss if something happens
NTA. He should put effort into the thing he is proposing with. Its his gift to her, so it’s up to him to ensure it at least looks good. The gift recipient shouldn’t have to use their own money to fix their own gift that is supposed to be a marriage proposal.
Him putting such low effort into the engagement does not ring well for the marriage. ^((pun intented))
Why is any of this your business?
INFO: How did you inherit your mom’s engagement ring from your father if your mom is still alive? Isn’t it hers?
Context: she’s engaged to a new dude and turns out my dad had gf when he died so mom doesn’t want it
This is the strangest part of all of this. Mom still considers it her ring so why does brother get tp propose with it?? Like it’s considered belonging to the dad enough that is goes in his will, but considered belonging to the mom enough that she gets to dictate how it gets used? Like they have to pick one. And in any case if you’re giving a diamond to someone to use for a proposal, it is a gift and doesn’t belong to you anymore so they should use it how they want. None of this makes sense.
Welcome to the family dynamic
Your mother should keep her engagement ring.
Your brother should buy a new ring.
NTA – also, brother needs to have a sit down with Mom. If she gave him her ring to use for engagement, the diamond is no longer hers and she has zero say.
He can give the diamond back to his mother and pick out something with his gf.
It is no longer her diamond. She gave it to him. He can do what he wants with it. If he is not going to step up, and make her the “bad” person by getting a redesign, or something, he is an idiot.
NTA
If this is how lazy he usually is, the marriage is doomed.