I’m on a trip to a foreign country with my boyfriend and his best friend. (24f, 26m, 26m) they’ve been best pals since forever and they normally get on great, they’re like brothers. His best friend is a great amazing guy and I get along with him great.
the issue is that on this trip they’ve been arguing nonstop, over the most basic shit. Like the hotel we picked, over bus routes/walking routes, over using the chargers. It’s so childish and petty. It only subsides when I get in between them and mediate but it’s a bit too much for me.
yesterday morning they brought up an argument from yesterday over us missing a bus and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. It was when we were coming out of the hotel. I texted them both that I’m gonna spend the day on my own and then put the convo on mute. Had the best day of the trip so far, explored museums by myself, at my own pace, was able to relax.
Later I checked my phone and saw a tonne of missed calls and messages. They were freaking out and worried about me, said I should have just gone Awol in a foreign country on my own. I told them I really couldn’t handle their stupid childish bickering anymore. Except now it seems they were getting along and were both teamed up against me. it seems this is what it finally took to get them to get along and be friends again.
Except now I feel really bad cause I clearly made them both super worried and anxious, pretty much ruined their day while I was out relaxing. I can tell they both really care about me a lot and I wish I could do anything to just make them drop the stupid schoolyard behaviour, cause when they are best friends they are really sweet. But I clearly upset them both and made them worried and now I feel like the asshole
NTA- you said you were taking time to yourself, you’re an adult, they needed to respect that. They both sound so high maintenance with how much drama they need to generate in their lives.
NTA. Sometimes people don’t realize what they are doing til
It is called out. I would have done the same thing to have a peaceful day!
Nta. The biggest and most clearest reason is that you DID communicate your plans. Them finally putting their bs aside is meaningless. It shouldn’t have taken 3 and you throwing your hands up for them to decide to shut up.
NTA for taking a day to yourself, but you could have done a much better job of communicating your plan and your needs.
She did. It’s not her fault that they overreacted.
NTA. Men are strange creatures. Sometimes we bond through arguing. I could see how this could be overwhelming though. You let them know you were going to spend some time alone. That should have been enough.
NTA. You told them exactly what you were going to do and then did it.
If they freaked out and worried about you being on your own, that’s actually an insult to you. It’s an unspoken belief that you’re not competent without them to watch over you.
Your away time is the best thing that could have happened. It got them to stop bickering and it showed them that you’re a capable person, plus there’s a limit to their stupid behavior that you’re willing to put up with.
Do not go on a trip with children unless you want to parent them.
NTA. They deserved your reaction.
NAH — I don’t think taking a day to yourself was asshole behavior, but I don’t think their concern was unreasonable either. Communication is key when traveling abroad in a group, and I think the least you could have done was update them or shared your location throughout the day. There are so many horror stories of tourists disappearing abroad so I imagine you being unreachable for the entire day was a scary experience for them. To be clear, not saying you needed to be answering their calls or letting them invade your peace, but even something as simple as communicating a time you will be back would be common courtesy for your travel companions who would be seen as responsible if something had happened to you.
NTA
You could have communicated better you were ok, but they fully deserved you taking a step away from the chaos.
NTA.
Taking time for yourself was justified when their bickering and pettiness had ruined every day of your holiday so far. Maybe this was the wake up call they needed to realise that their behaviour has just got to be too much. Actions speak louder than words.
I think YTA, not because you chose to spend the day on your own – that was perfectly fair- but because you muted the conversation and didn’t check in even once. How would you feel if they’d done the same in return?
Torn between NAH and a sooooft YTA. Not because you went off on your own, but because you went the petty route instead of addressing your frustrations with them. If you’d said ahead of time “I cannot handle you guys fighting so often, and if you continue to fight constantly, I will need to take space” i’d say NTA. But you gave no warning. You just left and muted and didnt give any updates and did all that without warning.