For some context I (17F) live with my mother and my father, but am currently in the process of finding an apartment. My brother (27M) has been no-contact with our parents for 2 years now and lives with his fiance (27F) and 2 kids (10F and 2F). This weekend some of my extended family came over (they live 5 hrs away) including my aunt, uncle, and cousin (17M). During this visit they all decided they wanted to go fishing. I’m not particular to fishing, but I have my fishing license so I didn’t complain.
In the car on the way to the lake my aunt kept making comments about my choice of degree. I am in my 2nd year of college, pursuing a Bachelors in Biology, and hope to go to medical school one day. She kept saying things like "Your degree is useless", "No one will hire you with that degree", "You should get xxx degree instead", etc. These were all comments I had already heard from my parents, so I wasn’t surprised by them, but after a while I was growing a bit tired of having my education and major consistently insulted.
She was also making comments about how "american culture is so different" and that "they’re idea of family is very different and I don’t like it". This was an obvious jab at my brother because he had gotten with an american woman then cut off our parents for being narcissist’s.
After a whole day of this I come home to my mother, who ends up bringing up a fight from 2 days ago to get a rise out of me. So after all this I call my brother and ask him if I could come over because I needed to refresh and clear my head. My aunt becomes insulted when she hears I’m leaving, saying things like "We’re only here for the day", "I’m gonna take it personally if you leave", "Are you really gonna leave your cousin alone" "Are you kidding me". Keep in mind, I asked my cousin if he wanted to come with me and he said no, and that I should just go by myself.
I ended up going and hanging out with my brother and his family, but I couldn’t shake my aunt’s words while I was there. I know that they were only there for the day, but I was so tired of hearing all the bs from them. So I wanna know, ATIA?
NTA. It’s always okay to protect your peace and mental health. Removing yourself was the right move.
And because your family CLEARLY won’t say what should be said, this momma will. I’m so proud of you! Wow! 2nd year of college in a bio degree and you already have a plan for your future… at only 17?! You are clearly brilliant, focused, and have a level of emotional intelligence far beyond your years. I’m deeply proud of and so impressed by you.
NTA, you don’t owe them your time and presence if they’re just going to be jerks. Your mental health matters.
This is exactly what my brother said. I don’t owe them my company, especially if they are just going to spend the whole time insulting me and my life choices.
Nta you don’t have to spend a day there because a relative is visiting. If she wanted to visit with you she should not have been so rude. Point that out next time. Oh and I have a degree in Biology. I just retired 2 years ago and am very well off financially. I never had a problem finding a job and have had three job offers trying to get me to come out of retirement. Your aunt does not know what she is talking about. Never take advise from an idiot.
NTA. I don’t speak to my mother or my brother anymore to protect my peace. Life is too short and too precious to waste time with people who refuse to try to understand you or at least be polite to you.
This is exactly why I’m planning to move out soon. I refuse to allow any of them to drain me of my peace and happiness for any longer than necessary.
NTA
Since when is a degree in Biology useless when going into the medical field. Its a STEM major. It’s one of the fields you \*need\* to go to college for. Besides that, it seems like your aunt just likes shitting on you and your brother. Probably because she is unhappy herself, but I dunno. Good job on leaving
It just killed me inside because this is something I am so passionate about and they all know that. I love my degree. I love my major. And I refuse to let anyone minimize the sacrifices I’ve made and the work I’ve done to get to where I am.
As you should. All that matters is that you’re happy doing what you love. What others think is irrelevant. Keep doing you and stand proud. You got this.
NTA- Why would you stay somewhere you’re clearly not welcomed? Aunt should learn how to read the room. And the mother should keep things family-related and actually do something useful with the time she has with the whole family rather than stirring the pot.
This is a classic case of Toxic auntie syndrome. NTA.
>”I (17F)….am in my 2nd year of college”
Sure you are. Account created today.
My eldest has a biology degree. In my eyes, she is a friggin’ rockstar! She has a great job, that helps make the world a better place.
My kid sister also has a biology degree – it was a doddle for her to move from Australia, to the UK, and find a job. (**Clarification edit:** She didn’t move because she could not find work in Oz, but because she married a UK bloke, and it made more sense to live there, for the time being).
NTA your aunt is bitter because your making something better of your life then she probably ever did. Odds are she spent her whole life treating your mom like garbage too, which might explain why your mom was so quick to try and shame/frustrate you in front of your aunt. Keep doing you Op, let your success be what defines you, not some angry entitled lady who doesn’t matter.
Also cus I’m curious, you said you’re in your second year of college at 17? I’m assuming this must be a different country than America then cause that really threw me off a bit. I mean that should be obvious from how the post is worded I guess.