I’m 27F. My sister is 31F and has a kid. I also have a friend/excoworker (24F) I still go to the gym with sometimes.
Last week at the gym, my friend and I saw a random beach video and were like “we need a weekend in Mexico.” It wasn’t some big planned vacation just an impulsive weekend idea.
A week later (Friday), I called my sister while she was at work to tell her and invite her, because I genuinely thought of her. She basically said she can’t because of work, school, and her kid. The call was short because she was busy, which I understood.
Then Sunday morning she calls me and immediately goes off on me, like straight up insults, calling me “fake,” saying I didn’t actually want to invite her and that I only told her so she wouldn’t feel left out. Her whole argument was that she could “hear it in my tone” on the phone.
I told her, “I literally invited you. I don’t know what tone you wanted me to use,” and she kept insulting me. So I hung up. After that we texted a bit and it got heated, but my main point was: I’m not going to sit there and get cursed out, especially over something like this.
Now I’m second-guessing myself. Maybe my tone really did sound off? But also… who calls someone and opens with “fake ass bitch” over an invitation?
AITA for hanging up and not entertaining that conversation
NTA. You invited her to come along and she said no because she’s busy with a kid, school, and work. That was clearly an answer. Calling you out like that seemed petty.
Could it be that she wanted to come but couldn’t possibly do so and just said no. But then got upset when you didn’t insist?
She literally gave me a bunch of excuses why she couldn’t go, including saving money. She also said that she needed like 3 months to be prepared for any trips. When I said, I see. She didn’t even let me finish what I was going to said and said bye I’m working.
So she thinks it was a last minute invite to a trip you had been planning for months. That’s not your fault. Please go and enjoy your trip deal with this aftermath later.
I told her that we planned this at the gym like a week ago.
ESH
I’m kind of siding with your sister
I’m a person that doesn’t see value in entertaining thoughts… “we should do x one day”… great when.
You called her while she was at work and the call was short- you two have had no pre existing conversation about talking a trip- it wasn’t like you found this great deal all of a sudden, the call could have waited.
If you REALLY wanted to go on a trip with your sister, you would have called her when she wasn’t working, or set a date to hang out and said “hey would you ever be interested to go to Mexico with me one day?.. oh you need to save up money for a year, okay. You can only go on these times? lets schedule it and make it work”
that was a half hearted invitation.
If you had said it in a bar “oh we should go to Mexico on a trip” that would be different but you were just adding her onto your plans, so it wasn’t a fake invitation, it just wasn’t whole hearted.
I disagree. It was a spontaneous trip that she and her friend thought of. She invited the sister in good thought but it’s not her fault the sister needs a 3-month advance notice to plan. OP should be able to take a trip if she wants to. Whoever is invited and can join, join. If they cannot, tough!
I see, but she calls me all the time when she is at work. And it was a trip that we plan this month for the beginning of next month. I don’t see why I have to plan a whole plan just to ask her if she wanted to go.
You don’t. Her life is completely different now-everything revolves around her child because it has to. It’s extremely difficult for parents to make spontaneous plans, and that’s okay.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m guessing that her anger is misdirected, she’s likely just feeling burnt out from her life and wishes she could go. There are times when I felt like that when my kids were little, but it’s not right for her to take it out on you. Parenting requires sacrifice and this is one of those sacrifices.
Enjoy your trip OP!
NTA and it’s better to hang up than blow back at the person. But she may have just been reacting out of just feeling stuck and wanting to go. Regardless you did better by just cutting the communication at the point and not listening to it.
NTA. Your sister is completely overreacting. She may be feeling a little resentful that you can make a fun plan like that last minute, and she can’t anymore due to life circumstances. But that’s what happens when you choose to have a family, and you have to come to terms with what that entails. Her taking that out on you with that kind of language is totally uncalled for.
NTA. With a small kid it becomes a major project to getaway for a weekend. But she took out her frustration at her inability to go by wrongly blaming you.
You were wise to hang up after her harsh insult.
Sisters. Can attest they can be equally irritating & irrational when you’re older as well lol
You are not the asshole. She is. She is way overthinking this. Yes you should have hung up, sometimes there is no reasoning with people. Tell her you won’t invite her anymore because you just don’t need this type of reaction.