Hi there,
I was on vacation travelling with a travel buddy for around 2 months. During this time we often split the bill or at times one would pay for the other, etc. especially if there were some liquidity problems (credit card didn’t work and we needed to book something quickly etc.) I had the role of writing everything down and I did so neatly with an app and with my notes. So at the first half of the month I did an excel sheet with all the entries, date, price, whether to split, etc, calculated the sum of who owes whom and made the payment. Then for the second half I did another bill, at that point he lent me around 410 dollars, which together with some AirBnB payments that he owed me, resulted in a final debt of 300 dollars. I promptly told him that once we are back in our home countries and I get my next paycheck I will pay him back the 300, so in around 3 weeks or so.
Back in our home country, he asked me for the excel sheets & the bills and I sent him everything and for some reason (even though I’ve clearly wrote everything down) he couldn’t understand it and then started accusing me of having left things out and forgotten. He got mad that I left out some 250 dollars which were actually inside the Excel sheet. I told him multiple times we can go over it if he doesn’t understand it but he kept saying factually wrong things (e.g. that we did 3 bills even though there were only 2, that I forgot positions). So at some point I got mad myself, said he was disrespecting me with the accusations, and I insisted that everything was correct and stopped answering. So a few days later he wrote me a message saying he went over the whole excel sheet, he thinks its okay and accepts it, and that he didn’t want to disrespect me but got annoyed because of three things:
1) that I had left out the 250 dollars (I DIDNT IT WAS INSIDE THE EXCEL SHEET)
2) that he felt like he had to chase after the money (I told him literally the exact date of when I would give it back to him???)
3) that I left some positions out and only put them in after he told me (which I didn’t – it was 1 or 2 hotel nights – like 30 dollars in total – which wasn’t in my list but that’s why we did the second bill together -> to fill in any gaps because you can’t expect me to get 100%!!!)
I’m pissed because not only did he not trust me with writing down the items (he kept pressuring me all the time when I told him I got it), he accused me multiple times of things I didn’t do, and from the very beginning I told him that I owed him 300 dollars, and towards the end he accepted the fact that I owe him 300 dollars, so the bill and excel sheets were 100% correct, the whole time long. AITA?
NTA. Your friend’s lack of understanding your accounting methods resulted in his accusing you of something that seems to have been untrue.
You’re not really explaining where you think you may or may not have gone wrong with your friend. Your explaining what he thought was incorrect and that you disagree.
Anyway, just pay him the money when you say you’re going to and be done with it.
NTA. However if there is a next time, make sure that you text him the details on a daily basis or have a group chat to log the date/reason/cost. That way you both have all the information all the time and can dispute it right away IRL.
He should have made his own excel sheet
Use splitwise or similar next time
Both of you can use it and pay accordingly, and just adjust at the end.
Sounds like NTA. Be patient, remember he’s your friend, and he helped you. You understand the spreadsheet because you made it. He’s confused by it. Some people are super paranoid about money.
Sounds like your friend and you aren’t compatible splitting costs that way.
He is not your friend.
Friends don’t treat someone like that.
They trust and believe one another.
If you travel together again, settle up EVERY day so it’s agreed to while fresh in your mind. Then recalculate the next day. That way they’re smaller, easier to digest numbers, and possibly, you can even it out by the trip’s end.
Or take turns each day paying, and settle up every few days. But let it go months.