I’m in my early 20s. My dad had fish in a fishtank when I was young (they kept jumping out and killing themselves until the entire tank exploded). I had to beg my parents to get a pet, since I have LOVED dogs since I was little.
Eventually, my constant whining was enough that they half-caved and got us a snake when I was 8 (we still got a dog when I was 10, because I was an extremely stubborn brat when I was little). The snake was an Albino Milksnake, which is a 4ft long nonvenemous snake whose patterning loosely resembles a candy cane. Because I was 8, I named the snake "Red". Red was our first family pet, and we loved her to death (even though my Dad did try to convince us to get rid of her a few times when I was in high school).
Flash forward to when I’m in college on the other side of the country. I’m in a lecture, when I get a text from my parents. My parents have just returned home after a 3-day trip out of the country to visit family (the snake is supposed to be fed every 1-2 weeks, and they left the dog with other family).
The text says "I think Red passed away last night." And then there is a picture… I’m left gawking at the blackened corpse of my childhood pet, and unable to properly process the situation (or reply to my parents) because the lecture had another hour left in it, and there was an exam on this stuff next week. This death was extremely shocking to us since the store lied and said the snake would live 50 years, but we googled it after she passed and the life expectancy is 15 years.
I had a few hours before my next class, so I call my parents from the bar down the street from the university after having downed several long island ice teas. I get on a face time and get details from my parents. To my indignation, they threw her body in the compost bin instead of giving her a burial or cremating her in an urn (which is our plan for the dog). Unable to get the image of Red’s blackened corpse out of my head, my tipsy ass screams at my parents for doing this and insists they fetch Red from the compost and find a crematorium. They said they would, then the next week while my Dad was visiting me he admits they lied and left her in the compost, saying I was overreacting to how they handled the death.
Now here’s where I might be the asshole (besides the brief tipsy screaming part). In the few years since, I have told this story to everyone including **ALL** my parents’ friends (some of whom finally convinced them they screwed up). I do frame the story in a humorous light by ending it with *"so I told my mom that when my dog, or my grandmother dies, do not tell me with a picture and a text."*
I’m pretty twisted and sharp with my sense of humor, but my parents think this is just cruel mockery of them for a "teensy mistake," that I am just repeatedly insulting them for the sake of it and ignore all they good they have done for me. I’ve told them that I love them with all my heart, but I will NEVER let them live this down.
Candy cane snakes turn black when they die?
Edit to add more questions: fish kept jumping out of the tank and killed themselves? The entire tank exploded? (I realize these aren’t questions so much as repeating what you wrote with question marks at the end, but… I mean… what?)
They botched the burial, not the death, and only in the sense that they didn’t do what YOU would have done.
I’d say a bit ESH. They could have had more tact than to send you the picture. You could also not harp on and on about it to anyone that will listen, because that’s doing nothing at all.
Move on, it has been years.
I feel this is an ESH situation. Yes it was insensitive of your parents to put the corpse on the compost pile but in my world it is uncommon to pay for a pet cremation (not unheard of but respectful burial of the corpse is more common). I think their real screw-up was in delivering the news to you by text, with a traumatic and grotesque picture, while you’re in class. But you retelling the story to ‘everyone’ and ‘all their friends’ over the course of years that follow, to shame and continually remind them? Odd and unnecessary behavior, and extremely punishing in my eyes. It’s not like they caused her death (or, it seems that is not something you suspect) and it sounds like her life aligned the reality of the lifespan for a captive snake.
I understand if this makes you doubt their judgment and I think a tongue in cheek joke about “please don’t inform me by text” is perfectly fair. But your intent to ‘never let them live this down’ puts you in AH territory in my eyes too.
Genuinely could not have said it better myself. This is perfect. Initial reaction is understandable, but the constant rehashing of it reeks worse than the compost.
NTA
The “teensy mistake” was a) not taking your sense of loss seriously and b) straight up LYING TO YOU ABOUT IT. Tell your dad *he’s* going in the compost when he dies.
Tipsy screaming part? NTA
Publicly shaming them at every opportunity you can since and trying to frame it as a joke? YTA
Your parents and how they handled it? They’re the AH
Your parents being upset with your constant bringing it up? They’re NTA
Final judgment: ESH
Nta. I think you’ll only be able to let this go when they genuinely apologize which may be never
You never looked up information about milksnakes in all those years?
Nta you don’t just throw a family pet away and send horrible pictures of the dead animal to your child
Are you sure the store actually said 50 and not 15?
NTA: But, have you ever considered that your family misheard the person at the pet store, and that they actually said “fifteen” for the life expectancy and not “fifty”? Like, I highly doubt they would’ve lied to you.
NTA. I hate to make this worse… but the snake had been dead a lot longer than one day. They don’t turn black that fast.
NTA. Having a photo of my dead, rotting pet, which is what it was if it was blackened, sent to me would have scarred me for life no matter my age. Yes, you should never let them off the hook for it.
You downed several long island iced teas, a drink that’s nearly all strong alcohol with a splash of coke, in between classes? I know this is a small detail to focus on, but what?