I (23F) and my boyfriend (31M) have been dating a while now, and I’ve always loved our dynamic which has been fun and carefree. We tease each other and laugh at each other and don’t take ourselves too seriously.
The other day we went shopping for a birthday gift for a friend and while we were walking round the store we were talking as usual. We were laughing about something I honestly don’t even remember what, and I laughed pretty loudly. I have a bit of a cackle laugh and it’s pretty distinctive.
Suddenly he got serious and told me to “shh” and keep my voice down because I was being embarrassing. This didn’t bother me as we say things like that to each other as a joke all the time, so I continued laughing as that’s what I thought he was doing.
But then he got even more annoyed and told me it’s humiliating to be in public with him when I act like that. This caught me off guard because I didn’t think I was being overly loud or obnoxious, no one was staring or saying anything to us.
So I got a little petty and said loudly, “Oh sorry, is laughing embarrassing now?”
He immediately stormed off, paid for his things, and left me in the store. Once I paid for my things I left and he was waiting in the car and he was still angry. He said I was acting like a child and reinforced that it was embarrassing.
That comment bothered me more than the original argument. We do have an age gap and people have made comments about it before, and hearing him say I act like a child made me feel really weird about the whole thing.
Now I’m wondering if I was really being that out of line and overreacting at the comment he made. AITA?
NTA, as long as you weren’t being overly loud with laughing (which in your post its seems you weren’t), then there’s no problem. If anything, its more embarrassing for him to have had a toddler tantrum by storming out of the store in a huff because you called him out. I would seriously think about how mature he is despite being in his 30s to be telling you its embarrassing to laugh at something that made you react in a positive manner.
NAT. “We do have an age gap and people have made comments about it before, and hearing him say I act like a child made me feel really weird about the whole thing.” Maybe the carefree phase of the relationship is over and he’s moving into the “Be quiet and do as I say” phase. There are reasons people warn you about age gaps.
Who do you think behaves more childishly in the situation you describe: the girl who laughs or the man who throws a tantrum?
what is NAT?
BTA but seriously red flags. The age difference is telling because as a woman closer to his age I can tell you that he can’t get away with treating a gf his own age like this. Your laughing is embarrassing? That’s bullshit, he should be happy when you’re happy and laughing. When you don’t behave he throws and fit and storms out? That’s embarrassing childish behavior, way more childish than anything you did. Which means that he’s immature for his age (even your age) but also is gaslighting you by using the fact he’s older to say you’re the childish one. That’s like saying he’s always right over you because men are more logical – there are dumb men and childish 30 yr olds.
Honestly, your story reminds me of that video of Miley Cyrus on the red carpet joking and laughing and her ex telling her to act normal. So depressing, you deserve better.
NTA funny he calls you childish when HE is the one acting like a child – ie, storming off and having a tantrum. Also, I know you’ve been told before but I must reenforce; the age gap is too big. No 31 year old should want to be with a 23 year old. He likes that you’re younger and you’ll put up with shit women his age won’t.
He sounds like an uptight asshole. Ynta. I don’t think he went about it the right way. He didn’t have to say it was humiliating—geez lighten up forChrist’s sake! I think he way overreacted. 66 yo woman here.
Ah, yes… teasing and insulting is all fun and games. Until it isn’t.
Pay attention: the party is over.
NTA
NTA. He is acting like a child. But you too need to have a conversation.
Hopefully now you can understand why age gaps are a problem at your age…
Someone your own age wouldn’t have been embarrassed by a fun situation like this. A mature adult would understand that dating a 23yo comes with some amount of childishness, but this guy doesn’t get that, which should tell you why people his own age won’t date him.
He doesn’t see you as a whole ass person. He sees you as an extension of himself/his will.
NTA in my estimation, his sudden turn to getting snappish with you wasn’t kind at all.
Turning 31 will be an interesting moment for you; I doubt you’ll find it appealing or appropriate to date a 23-year-old.
NTA but this is why women his own age wont date him
NTA
He’s embarrassed by you existing in a joyful state. Rather than deal with his own feelings, he decided to try to control you, instead. You weren’t at a funeral; you’re allowed to laugh in public. Even obnoxiously!
The major red flags come from him abandoning you in the store because of this tantrum. That’s a pretty clear attempt to punish you for not doing what he wants immediately.
The fact that you are questioning your behavior rather than just dumping him immediately, shows the danger in stain. In these kinds of relationships. You start questioning yourself, your normal human interactions and responses, convinced that there is just something wrong with you. There is not. He just sucks.
Let your SO be themselves who cares what others think. NTA
Maybe he should find a woman his own age who won’t embarrass him with her joy.
OP, I feel confident saying this with no additional information: this is not the first time he has tried to control your (perfectly normal) behavior and it won’t be the last.
He’s dating you because women his age will not put up with his bullshit. You shouldn’t, either.
NTA