For context me (42m) and my wife (41F) have been living together for up to 10 years at this point and have been Married for 8 our baby(2monthsM) woke me up fairly early in the day around 7am. I got up and started to calm him down and feed him my wife got up and demanded i make her breakfast. I put the baby down to go to the kitchen but he started crying so I picked him up and politely asked her to make her own breakfast as I was busy. She got really angry and refused to talk to me for about an hour. I later brought it up and said I’d be happy to make her breakfast now as the baby was calm and asleep again. She said that wasn’t the point and I should prioritize keeping her fed over the baby crying. I told her that baby required more attention as it currently cannot help itself when she can. So AITA?
Edit:we bottle feed our baby. As in she pumps out we store it in bottles so either one of us can feed our child when its hungry or mad.
…sorry? Your wife (a grown woman and mother) wants you to ignore the needs of your child to favor her own? Wtf. If this is real NTA and the fact you even feel like you have to ask makes me worried for the rest of this relationship.
OP – I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but did your wife want a child? There is more to this, and that more is about your wife. I am willing to bet that this is not the 1st time either, something like this has happened.
She was actually the one who brought the idea of a kid up in conversation first and you would be correct this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
NTA as a mom of a 4 month old, I’d be mad if my husband DIDN’T calm down the baby and instead chose to continue making me breakfast lol. Really, the baby’s needs should come first. Maybe she has some PPD going on?
Is she breastfeeding? Has she been checked for postpartum depression?
Going through pregnancy and labor can be really difficult and even traumatic for some people and she might need you to take some extra care of her given what her body’s gone through, 2 months is not that long and her hormones are prob all over the place
It’s not unreasonable to think that his wife may still be recovering from the pregnancy and childbirth and requires a bit of extra support from OP…however, that being said her assertion that he should prioritize making HER food over caring for their child is ridiculous. OP seems to be stepping up and once he had settled their child, he offered to make her breakfast. If she wanted him to make food as soon as she requested, then SHE should have taken over caring for their child so that OP could work on making food.
Of course you are NTA. Of course your wife is TA. Of course anybody is TA who says an adult’s wants are more important than a baby’s needs.
NAH. You’re both new parents and she’s two months post partum. Talk to each other.
NAH
PPD hits a real hard peak around the 3 month mark. And being a geriatric first time mom…. oof.
You don’t deserve to have her frustration taken out on you, but she might need some professional help.
NTA but I hope this isn’t real because it’s not a great sign for your wife’s mental health. Either there’s postpartum issues or she has some concerning empathy issues in general.
If she wanted you to focus on feeding her, then she should have offered to take over feeding and soothing the baby. When I was breastfeeding, that was our system. I fed the baby, my husband fed me (and himself). But if she had no interest or concern about the upset baby and just wanted you to walk away from a 2 month old baby? That’s not okay.
The way you’ve written it, she definitely seems to the AH. However, at 2 months postpartum, no sleep, no energy, no time to have a shower most days, maybe crappy appetite, sore boobs, bleeding, hormones all over the shop, possibly up all night feeding/nursing…. let her have her rant. She needs to be mammied too.
NTA but echoing others that if this is real, PPD is a huge concern atm. Feeling competitive with your baby is a symptom that isn’t talked about often because it’s not considered socially acceptable, but it’s very real in PPD. You did nothing wrong but please please support your wife in seeking help!
NAH
Post-partum recovery stage 3 is 2-months through 6-months post-birth on average, but can be longer; up to a year isn’t unusual.
You’re request wasn’t unreasonable, and I’ll give you the benefit of using good tone.
It may simply be a case of your wife still being sore, healing and exhausted. And with a newborn, that restorative sleep is hard to come by. With your wife trying to prioritise her needs over baby, she sounds at the end of her endurance. She’s thinking survival, not family.
A little more patience with each other and you’ll both get there. That first year is the hardest. Perhaps try to find a quiet time and in a non-accusatorial mindset work out the “why” of what happened today. It’s probably not about food. More likely support.
Maybe she needs water and snacks by the bed? Breastfeeding (if she is) adds 500+ calories to her needs daily.
Also, if you haven’t got one yet, recommend a baby sling or baby cuddle sack so you can wear them while going about the house. Having 2 hands is wonderful!!
Best of luck from this internet Grandma. You both can do this!
Info… what are you not telling us? Either you’re exaggerating this to make your wife look bad. Or your wife might have postpartum depression and you’re actually wasting our time asking us if you’re an asshole instead of figuring out how to get her help.