I, (28F) received a wedding invitation from my I guess step cousin? It’s my step mom’s niece and she’s 2-3 years younger than me. For context, I haven’t spoken to her, we’ll call her B, in about 15+ years. She lives in Illinois with the rest of my stepmoms family and we live in Florida. B and I have been friends on Facebook and I even like her posts all the time about her family and whatnot on Facebook but she never even does the same with me. As soon as she sent me the invite on Facebook messenger (wild) and I thought it was sweet that she thought of me but also thought it was a little strange because we aren’t close and while I am close with my stepmom, I am not and never have been close with her family in Illinois. After a bit, I realized the invite was probably sent to me with the hopes and expectations of a gift of some sort and not actually because she wanted me to be there. I don’t have an issue with that bc why not send out more invites to get gifts?? 😂 however, I told my stepmom that it was sweet of her to think of me and nice to have the save the date. (even if it is just through messenger) I told my stepmom that I most likely would not be attending as my fiancé wouldn’t be able to take that time off as we are saving for a house for us and our almost 2 year old. We are hoping to have our own place and that’s means we are going to have to save as much as possible in the next year. I’m a stay at home mom, so in order to go, our toddler would have to come with, which would cost even more and just be super stressful to navigate without my fiancé there to help. My stepmom very clearly had an attitude about the reasons for not going. She said “it’s over a year away.” MIND YOU, my fiancé and I are also engaged and on top of the house, plan to get married in January of 2028 so we are established in our own home and finances (as long as we are frugal and save literally everything) so I guess I’m just wondering if I’m the AH for immediately deciding I would not be attending even though it is TECHNICALLY family?
You’re not obliged to go to anything tbh
Let her be salty, it’s nothing to do with her – you don’t even have to give a reason 🤣
i didn’t go to my cousin’s wedding. i didn’t want to go so i RSVPed no and said i had to work.
just tell them congrats and move on, no need to stress a wedding that’s not about you anyway
NTA.
You know you aren’t that close and are smart enough to know where your finances are and where you expect them to be in a year.
Maybe things could change, but you’re being realistic about distance, finances and where you expect to be in a year.
As I’ve read many times in these posts: It is an invitation, not a summons. No is a full and complete sentence.
NTA
Wow, I love that. “No is a full and complete sentence.” I will be using this lol
NTA, valid reason and you weren’t disrespectful so I don’t see why a mere rejection is an issue
NTA in the slightest. Don’t get caught up in all of your reasons and sharing them to everyone though. You don’t owe anyone more than a „no, I can’t make it“ Your stepmom may be disappointed but that’s ok, you’re not responsible for her emotions
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with being financially responsible. The invitation is appreciated but you can’t go. End of story.
NTA—toddler, jobs, distance, your own wedding, travel and home purchases versus a step cousins wedding.
Send a nice card and a gift (if you’d like) and move on.
NTA
But this post could have been
“AITA for saying no to a wedding I don’t want to go to”
You don’t need to make up reasons why they are inviting you
You don’t need to make up reasons why you can’t go.
Just say you don’t want to go
NTA
Just because you receive an invitation doesn’t mean you are obligated to go. The cousin knows you aren’t close, she just wants a gift since people tend to send a gift even if they don’t attend.
Don’t stress over it.
NTA. I might have handled it a little differently; I feel like offering explanations in that kind lf situation just makes things harder.
I think I would have just replied with something along the lines of, “congratulations! I am so happy for you, and it is so sweet of you to invite us! Unfortunately, I don’t think we are going to be able to go, but I am so happy you thought of us!”
Once you start giving reasons, it just encourages them to argue back. It becomes a problem to solve.
YTA for offering up so many reasons/excuses aces assuming the couple is gift grubbing. Maybe they are but it’s also possible that your step cousin is being pressured to invite the whole family. You also seem to place an unusually high value on Facebook likes.
NTA for not going to the wedding. Just decline, send a gift if you want, and move on.