I(24F) live with my bf(25M), his grandma(80F), & his dad(53M). I need to know if I’m being unreasonable or mean/rude. I feel like I’m going crazy in his house.
We all share 1 bathroom, often times the grandma will leave poop on the seat or in the bowl. I didn’t want to embarrass her so I have been sending my bf to talk to her..usually to say "Hey you left poop on the toilet, just make sure you clean up after yourself when you’re done in there"…and she will always argue that it "wasn’t her" or she "doesn’t remember doing that".
So my bf and I came up with the idea to put a sign up, it reads "Please remember to wipe the toilet seat and flush the toilet <3". The dad is mad at me because he thinks I put up the sign and that it’s about him, so he’s been avoiding me hardcore. I guess she thought I was being passive aggressive, idk.
So at 4 am I go to use the bathroom and I see there is poop on the seat..at this point im mad because I’ve asked my bf to talk to her about 4 separate times on different occasions. So I asked my bf to put up a bigger sign & then talk to her in the morning I asked him to tell her "GF is frustrated and wont ask me to clean your mess anymore, so from now on she’s gonna come straight to you to tell you to clean it up..no matter what time it is". Morning comes, he goes, talks, & the entire time she’s saying "It wasn’t me but fine" Then she goes to use the bathroom. On her way out of the bathroom, bf & dad are talking, she rips the sign down and crumples it in front of my bf & says "Well you didnt have to tell me cause ***she*** already put a sign up" Then she tosses it in the garbage. She blamed me for the sign. Then she starts to cry while walking away. Dad just stands there staring, he got the same talk that she did from bf (sometimes he leaves butt prints on the seat) so I’m guessing he also blames me.
I’ve never lived in a house with someone who forgets to flush the toilet or even check the seat before leaving..is this normal? Am I being unreasonable?
Edit: I’m gonna answer some questions. Yes we pay rent evenly between us all- this house is just as much mine as it is hers (She does NOT own the house, no one here does). I would love to suggest taking her to a doctor but she is not blood related to me, and I feel at this point with how mad they are at me they would think I’m being condescending or demeaning to say "Lets take grandma to the doctor". Also I would LOVE to move, I just dont have any money or resources right now..I dont need suggestions on how to fix this- there really isn’t fixing the viewpoint of beliefs of someone who is 80. I just need to know im not mean or a horrible person for my actions.
INFO – is she incapable of taking care of herself? why are you even living there
NTA. Speaking from experience, cleaning up a toilet with someone else’s poop on it is DISGUSTING. My male coworkers leave little butt stamps, poop, and pubes on the seat *daily.* I’m the only female, so I don’t want to call out the perpetrator, but it’s disgusting and infuriating. I’ve already had to use the bleach spray today and it’s only 10 a.m.
INFO: is it possible that the grandma is developing health issues that are making it hard for her to use the toilet? It’s a super delicate subject but worth considering.
You need to move out. This is not the place for you. Older people sometimes overlook things like this that they have done. It’s not going to change and you will never be happy sharing a home with them.
NTA has she been to a doctor? My grandpa did this and he was around 80 when it started. He ended up having some issues in the head and issues with his body which caused it. I dont think your the asshole you shouldnt have to deal with this. I would lose my mind if i was you since i cant handle that type stuff. But she is old and i dont think shes meaning to do it. I think shes just old and may not even know its her. I think you should bring her to a doctor to get her checked out to make sure shes with it.
Honestly that sounds like a pretty shitty environment (sorry for the pun)
I feel like if his dad got angry at you maybe he was also leaving the mess. If it was really not him, I think you should all sit down and have an honest conversation, where you explain that someone is doing that, and it’s a bit disgusting always being the person who has to clean it up. Be honest and tell the gramma you put up the sign to try and avoid the uncomfortable talk, which you realise made it worse. You’re not trying to put blame on anyone or trying to embarrass anyone, but just ask honestly for them to clean up after themselves because it’s pretty unfair to always be the person looking at someone elses mess.
You’re absolutely not being unreasonable, I would go crazy in that house. Maybe you and your bf should also consider looking at apartments to move in together, it’s definetely not great for a relationship.
If your life situation allows it, I would try to find other acomodations, if not, try to talk to them honestly and explain that it really bother your because you’re not used to that sort of mess.
NTA but how are they even managing that? are they walking around w shit smeared on the back of their legs? sitting down in someone else’s shit is a verifiable health risk. if they can’t manage to make it into the bowl or at the very least clean it up after, then you need to get a place of your own. tbh i would go ahead and start looking for another living situation.
NTA, altho at this point even if they DID clean up the toilet afterwards, I wouldn’t trust it. I would be bringing wipes with me to the bathroom and cleaning even if it looks clean!
No, it’s definitely not normal to not flush poop and/or to leave poop on the seat! That is so unhygienic. Do you think the grandma has Alzheimer’s?
Since you have tried numerous times to address the issue and nothing is changing besides people getting angry, I think it’s time to make other living arrangements.
When the family was ignoring Nana’s red flags for dementia, forgetting to flush then saying it wasn’t her, and poor wiping skills were the first things happening
INFO? If dad is mad, maybe he’s doing it. Who is cleaining it up? I would not clean it up. Does she have dementia? Digestive disorder? or is it Dad? There is something going on here.
Grandma won’t keep it clean. She sounds like she’s in dementia stage already. She won’t remember and your efforts are in vain. Either get used to this and clean yourself or move out and find a different place to rent for yourself.
There is a 80 year old grandma in a house! Get your own place or be part of the family and realize just like having a child or a compromised person in the household you make allowances and and maybe figure out a way to help this person without taking their dignity.