This happens very frequent but I’m only now speaking about it to someone else. I texted my friend tonight around 9-10 PM because we haven’t talked all day,just with a normal convo. Right after my text she then called me 5 times through FaceTime while we were texting,still telling me to pick up the phone. She called me a few times through a text now number,I’m assuming she thought I’d pick up a random number over hers. Then went back to spam FaceTime calling me,and still constantly texting me to pick up the whole time. Sometimes I am straight up and say I don’t want to be on the phone at the moment,just don’t feel like it but nothing personal,unfortunately she always takes it fully personal then gets an attitude expecting me to call back after I see that she’s mad,and I just didn’t feel like dealing with an attitude after a long day of moving around so I ignored it. When we are on the phone she wants to stay on the call all day and then sleep on the phone as well,and it’s just too much for me,as I like my personal space as well. Am I the butt for acting this way towards my friend?
NTA. Faced with a ‘friend’ like that, I’d quietly fade from their life. It’s not the kind of engagement I want. I’d let her know that I’m not available for a long phone call at the moment, but would be happy to continue the conversation via text. If she can’t handle that, well, she’s only looking out for herself then, no? You can do the same.
NTA. I’d think that a lot from a girlfriend, let alone a friend.
On the phone all day? Sleep while on the phone? Spamming requests when you don’t pick up? Yikes.
Is she always possessive of your time?
I’d set some clear boundaries and not give in if she’s mad.
ESH. It’s very simple to text and say “I can only text right now”. You don’t have to explain why. She however should not be spamming you. Who would even want to talk to someone if they only picked up because you were harassing them.
NTA. She sounds exhaustingly high-maintenance
NTA. If someone calls me and I don’t pick up, they should know I’ll call them back when I want and if I can… Especially if we are already texting so I know this isn’t some kind of emergency. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with someone who expects so much from me.
NTA. She sounds lonely with some really insecure attachment issues. I think she’d benefit from therapy, but her request is fully unreasonable. You can’t drop your whole life every time she’s feeling some distress.
I have a friend who did that. If I could answer I would but it was annoying. Sometimes I would watching a show with husband and didn’t want to FaceTime.
We finally met up for lunch one day and she was extremely loud and rude to the server. I was mortified. Haven’t seen her since and when she texts me I respond with minimal effort. I won’t text her first and won’t be going out to a restaurant with her ever again.
NTA – for not answering the call, but you are TA for not talking to your friend about this long ago. If you actually want to be their friend, then you both need to talk this through, about what you’re both prepared to do, or they’re going to keep getting hurt, and you’re going to continue to be frustrated.
As soon as someone intentionally spams me like that – especially if it’s not to say “your house is on fire, you need to get out” or “i’m being actively murdered, i need your help” – sorry, i have no patience for anyone with such lack of emotional regulation.
NTA. You’re not obligated to respond immediately just because someone else decided to call. If its urgent she can text you that. Nobody is the butt, people are just different.
I’m exhausted and I was just reading your post sweet pea…sheesh
Nta she wanting you to shit boyfriends do. Maybe she likes you because I have never done that with just a friend.
I had a friend like this. Not to harsh but a friend like that is not worth keeping in contact with.
Unfortunately, for whatever reason, your friend has some serious needs that are unreasonable for you to fulfill.
The only thing you can do is be clear. “When I don’t pick up a call, it means it’s a bad time for me to be on FaceTime [texting, talking, whatever]. If I don’t respond, please stop calling.”
You don’t have to do everything she wants — if you need/want to get off the phone, get off the phone! I realize that may be difficult, but you have a right to your own time, and to get that time, you’re going to have to claim it. Some people can’t help but take *everything* personally, and other people can get caught trying not to hurt them and abandoning their own needs. *But you simply have to establish a boundary and accept that it might be hard for them.*
The fact that she wants to be on the phone all day and even wants to sleep on the phone is concerning. I wonder if it would be possible to suggest she talk to a counselor. In any case, whatever her problems are, it won’t help either of you for you to make them yours.
Be clear. Tell her calling you 10 times in a row is too much. She’s telling you what *she* wants, you also get to tell her what *you* want.