My 12yo daughter has moved schools for year 7. There is a 13yo in her class that I am quite concerned about.
I have seen her talk back to teachers in more than one occasion in online meetings, posts depressing, mature things on Instagram, swears, games all the time, and is generally a bad influence.
I have told my 12yo that I don’t allow her to be friends with this girl because of the reasons I listed above, and tell her to unfollow her on Instagram. I refused to let her stay behind in the library to "study" with this girl.
However my 12yo (asd) told me that the girl has been including her in her friends group and is helping her settle in. She said she made her feel safe in the new environment and is encouraging.
The even bigger problem is that my 12yo kind of idolises that particular girl, which I really don’t like. AITA for trying to prevent that because of my judgment?
I think you should take the time to get to know this girl instead of judging her. Is she trouble, or just a strong, independent young lady who isn’t afraid to speak up when she doesn’t agree with something? The world needs more of that and more people supporting that.
Digging deeper, you may find that she is just who your daughter needs in her life. If she is truly trouble, you’ll figure that out too.
well by forbidding her to be friends with someone you’re definitely creating an even bigger issue (for yourself) than you intended. she’s a teenage girl and the stuff her friend is doing/posting really isn’t abnormal for teenage girls in the slightest. the heck are you expecting?
look.. your daughter has asd and found someone who makes her feel SAFE at a new school. thats rare. you’re judging a 13 year old for being a teenager while pulling the one lifeline your kid actually has. monitor it, dont destroy it
**(YTA)**
My son, Joey, had a friend, Evan, similar to this around that age. I simply did not like this kid for many of the exact same reasons. But he quickly became my son’s best friend.
I decided to include Evan when we did things, the same way I included my other son’s friends. He became part of the kids that were always hanging around. I will be honest, I never have really liked Evan.
However, 12 yrs later, they are still best friends. Even encourages and pushes my son. He comes down on Joey when he needs a swift kick. Evan is there to help encourage him when needed.
It does piss me off when I help and support my son and push him in a certain direction and he blows me off, only to hear how he is now doing that exact thing, because he and Evan talked and Evan thinks he should. Gggrrrr BUT, whatever works.
I am still not the biggest fan of this kid and don’t always like his choices but he has been good for my son. A supporter through thick and thin. We don’t always see eye to eye but my son loves him. I accept him. I also think because I accepted him and embraced him, it helped him make better choices and feel supported as well. Because I didn’t force them not to be friends, my son has also provided the same support to him, and he is better off as well.
Keep an eye out but let your daughter start making her own choices. Invite the girl in. She could be a great girl, but needs that little extra support your daughter (and you) can provide. Don’t make your daughter choose between you but encourage and guide.