I 19F (at the time) shared an apartment with two of my close friends. Let’s call them H and J. H 19F (at the time) and J 19M (at the time) started being roommates fresh out of highschool. They invited me to join in since their apartment was close to the university I was going to attend. Everything was calm until our friend M broke up with her boyfriend. M 20F (at the time) asked if she could crash on our couch until she could find a new apartment. We said yes since she was a close friend. She ended up not looking for an apartment for the first 4 months and saying she was pretty comfortable here for now. H told her she needed to find an apartment since we couldn’t keep letting her crash here forever. M started searching for apartments in the area but for four people. She said she wanted us all to move in together since we where already so comfortable with living together. Now the thing is, I didn’t want to move out of our apartment. I was really comfortable there and moving after just settling in. Another reason is because M would vent to me every other day. She would talk about her break and and her mental health to me all the time and it gave me no time to study or work on assignments. We ended up helping her find a nice one bed one bathroom apartment down the street and said we could help her move in.
Now a few days before she was supposed to leave to her new apartment, I got a message from a mutual friend calling me a horrible person. When I messaged back and asked what they ment, they said that M told them all about how H, J, and i where extremely rude to her while she was staying here. I ended up asking M about it and she called me a liar. I said she didn’t need to get so defensive since all I asked is if we made her felt unwelcomed. She ended up getting mad and started yelling at me, telling me that all I did was try and push her out of the apartment to fast and that she was still recovering. She ended up packing her bags and leaving that night after she said she didn’t want anything to do with us ever again. I felt really bad since I didn’t mean to make her upset and was just trying to get her back on her feet.
A few months later I ended up running into her at a grocery store and she ignored me. Later that week she ended up messaging J and asking if she could come over and apologize. J asked me what my opion on this was and i said no since she said she didn’t want anything to do with us again and she should stick to her words. She ended up telling mutual friends that I manipulated J and H into thinking she was the bad guy. I’m getting messages ither asking me my side of the story or just calling me a horrible person. So AITA or is she pushing this whole situation to far?
EDIT: So after reading some comments I think I should add a few details that I think might make what I sid more clear.
1) M and I met back in my freshman year of highschool. We became friends after I joined a club she was in
2) While M was crashing on our couch, she didn’t help out with rent or with food even though she had a stable job.
3) M didn’t tell J or H that she wanted all of us that she wanted us all to live together until one night at dinner.
4) M has pulled stunts like this before and I didn’t want to see how it would end up for me
5) According to H, she made her uncomfortable constantly.
6) she lives around 10 minutes away from us so I am bound to run into her again.
7) H and J are a year younger than me. They have early birthdays and I have a later one so this was their first experience with a bad roommate. (And that’s why we where 19 when this happened.)
8) this all happened in 2025
9) I am now 20 years old
I’ll post an update if I can.
NTA. Four months was far too long to begin with. But you dodged a bullet not allowing this toxic drama queen back into your life.
NTA – first off, it really sounds like you only did favors for her. Very one-sided relationship by the way. Second- what kind of person starts looking for a new apartment for 3 other people without discussing it first?! So pushy!
Now about becoming friends again at first I thought you could give her another chance but after hearing how she talks behind your back? No way, she stirs up trouble and have every right to distance yourself. Now how about sending everyone who asks you about the situation this thread? Might help lol
NTA you and your friends have given her a big favor by just letting her crash in your space. A good friend would ask to help pay rent or try to talk to you guys. She sounds a little entitled by going behind your back to say bad things about you and your friends and then getting mad when called out.
When people show you who they are,believe them. You might have thought of her as a friend but she didn’t view you as one. She viewed you as someone she could use. Reality is she is having to pay bills or face eviction. NTA. Bet she is thinking she can move back in and is trying to make you feel guilty enough to let her do that.
she is more drama than you need to deal with while in college.
if you feel inclined, write up a standard response for friends who inquire to send out
“dear, (insert rando busy bodies name here)
im sorry M has deemed fit to spread misinformation, but it is just that.
my roommates and myself allowed M to stay TEMPORARILY and she took it upon herself to try to make it permanent. The roommates and myself NEVER encouraged this and assisted her in finding her own unit.
M is offended we did not want to move with her and her cheese slid right off her cracker.
take from this what you will , but M;s ego and hurt feelings CANNOT and WILL NOT take precedence over our studies.
thank you for your concern
“
NTA. She invited herself to stay, dragged her feet for months, trauma dumped on you nonstop, then tried to trash your reputation when you set a totally reasonable boundary.
If she really wanted to apologize she could have messaged you directly instead of going around you and playing victim to mutuals. She burned that bridge, you are not required to rebuild it for her.
M is too much of a drama queen and chose to ruin your reputation because she couldn’t have her way forever. Don’t bother hearing out her apology because she only wants something from you or your roommates. She’s out of the picture so leave things as it is, otherwise get ready for more complaints coming your way from mutual friends. Just go no contact with her.
NTAH
4 months is too long to crash on a sofa. Especially if they aren’t paying anything towards rented food. Best to let that person disappear from your life
> Best to let that person disappear from your life
Like a fart in the breeze. NTA.
NTA.
Her constant changing the story of what happened shows you simply can’t trust her.
That’s all. Move along.
Don’t do it queen she’s trying to manipulate and use you again
Good gods. I’m exhausted just from wading through those tumultuous waters of who-did-what!
NTA, and you’re best off letting that drama queen ship herself far into the horizon. Nobody needs that chaos in their lives especially during studies.
FREE RENT was what she wanted and four months of her hanging around not pay a nickel is more than enough. Your mutual friends can’t see through that. Tell them to take her in.
I have a friend like this and she is fucking exhausting in anything other than small doses. Constantly looking for drama in her life and (naturally) finding it before calling me & my missus up to vent for an hour or more. We both like her but she ignores any problems we might be having because hers are always more important. It’s got to the stage where, if it’s her on the phone, neither of us will answer to avoid being drawn into a lot of petty squabbles that are, on face value, pretty much her own fault. Emotional energy vampires.