I recently broke up with my bf, Logan (fake name), because I found out he went for me because he thought I was lesbian, or at least bi. For context, I am bi, when I met Logan, I had multiple butterfly clips in my hair and a peekaboo dye job, so I guess I didn’t look straight. I’ve told him of my sexuality since we’ve been dating for about eight months at this point. Two days ago, he got really drunk and was joking to his friends that he ‘got on of them.’ I was a little weirded out when I figured out he was talking about me. My best friend must have seen my expression because she asked him what he meant by that. He said he approached me because, and I quote, he wanted to you know (here he waved his hand)… see. And then he said she (me) was hot, and it ‘worked.’
I pulled him aside a little while later and asked him what he meant. He was still drunk, but all of his answers were super vague. I think he realized I wasn’t happy. He kept saying you know, and, I looked like one of those, and I was just taking a chance, and over and over again, we’re good now, why are you on this? I straight up said, "Did you think I was a lesbian?" and he wouldn’t answer. Then I asked him, "did you could ‘change me?" (for context, lots of straight men seem to think all lesbians can be ‘cured’ by heterosexuality) And he laughed and said he was stupid but just wanted to shoot his shot, and it all worked out. They were all really unsatisfying answers but I was trying to convince myself he was drunk and to talk to him tomorrow, when he said something along the lines of, we’re good, you’re straight. I said, no, I’m bi and he said I’d never been with a woman, so I was technically straight.
Anyway, I left, and after thinking it over, I’m not really itching to save an eight month relasionship. So I sent him a breakup text (yes, I was an asshole for this, I know). Now, a lot of his and my friends are saying I jumped the gun a bit. I didn’t listen to any explanation of the person I was having a conflict with when they were sober, I just relied on the words they said when they were drunk and made my decision, which they have, in some part, apologized for.
[](https://www.reddit.com/user/Judgement_Bot_AITA/)
NTA. You didn’t jump the gun, you dodged a bullet.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years via text because he pulled some insane shit. People aren’t always owed communication, and a straight guy who thinks he can change a queer girl is not the kind of person I would care for either. NTA
Drunk is just unfiltered, no NTA
Being drunk doesn’t make people say things they don’t believe. It just reduces their inhibitions and makes them say things they’d normally hide.
He meant every word he said. You reacted appropriately, and YNTAH.
That’s not jumping the gun, that’s dodging a bullet!!! I bet he’s they type too who if you were a lesbian would say he could “change your mind”. Super NTA
Edit: spelling
NTA. Drunk words are sober thoughts. The bi-erasure is sickening, and he outed himself by thinking you were a lesbian that he could convert. Fuck him and his stupid ass friends. You did the right thing getting away from him. You deserve someone who sees you and your sexuality as it is, not as what he claims it to be. Not being with a woman doesn’t change who you are. I’m pan and haven’t had the pleasure of being with a woman physically, I did date a few women for a bit, but we never had sex. I’ve also been in a relationship with a man for almost 8 years now, so it’s not like I’ve had many chances to “prove” I’m gay. Nor do I give a fuck about “proving” myself to the heteros.
That being said, I’ll never let someone claim I’m straight because of my dating history. That’s just homophobic and disgusting.
yea it can happen that way I was with a man for almost 20 years before getting with a woman (also pan). But I considered myself at the very least not straight prior to this.
> he said I’d never been with a woman, so I was technically straight.
Girl, you dodged a bullet like Neo in The Matrix. Bi-erasure isn’t something you should tolerate in a relationship!
And it’s 8 months. You’re fine. You can break up with anyone for any reason, this reason just happens to be a pretty good one lol. Good for you for setting the standards for yourself.
There are straight men who think they can cure lesbians? Based on what, a success rate of 0%? NTA btw.
NTA
”Got one of them” yuck, major red flag. You definitely dodged a bullet.
Don’t second guess. He sounds like an idiot bro. I don’t know you at all but I’m sure you can do a lot better.
i totally get where you are coming from, to know the reltionship started as a bet essentially and not because he really liked you is tough. what you need to ask yourself is who has he been since? has he been good to you and respectful? is he sinceren and committed? is he worth forgiving?