For context I (27f) am pregnant with my first child. My husband has an older brother (34m) and his brother has a girlfriend (33f) and they have 2 children (10f and 8m). My husband (30m) loves his neice and nephew and his niece has always been close to my husband since 4 and when she got older (around 6) she would ask him to take her to the zoo, museum well anywhere kids usually like, she would ask why he never takes her out or goes to go see her outside of when we would go to my MILs house (she takes care of them). He would lie and say it’s because we’re busy or we had other things to do but in reality, it’s because her parents would not let us. He even thought when I came in the picture that they would feel safer since I would take care of my nieces and nephews but they refused saying they weren’t comfortable enough with that and that the kids were too young (we would ask to take both of them). We eventually gave up on asking and we would do our best to try and go more often but MIL lives about an hour away and when we would ask to hang out with his brother and gf to see the kids they would make excuses. Now my husband has a bestfriend who we consider family and his son and daughter call us aunt and uncle, the bestfriend is married to my BIL sister so my husbands nieces and nephews and his best friends kids are cousins. We have taken our “niece” (bestfriends daughter 11f) out plenty of times and we would even call BILs gf to see since her cousin was going they would allow our niece to go but we were met with “I am sorry but my sister might trust just anyone with her kids but I can’t do that” and would say no.
Now that I gave a run down of what the dynamic is, I am set to have my son in September and we were over at their house a couple weeks ago and BILs gf just kept saying “I can’t wait for the baby to be born we’re going to be taking him all the time” I ignored the comments at first I mean we rarely see them because even when my husband has invited them to gatherings, vacations we take, or even just out to eat they always say no so why would they even think I would let them take my baby alone to their home 1.5 hours from mine and on top of that expect me to drop him off. When I realized she wasn’t joking, I said “well why would you think you would be able to take my infant child when we couldn’t take your grown children for some ice cream” and she instantly got upset. I just don’t understand why if she never trusted us with her kids she would think I would trust her with mine. At first the excuse was she didn’t know me, then it was I was just the gf and didn’t know how I would treat them and then when married on we just don’t trust anyone with our kids which fair. My MIL (which is a shitshow of its own) says I am being unreasonable and shouldn’t be petty and says I shouldn’t have said that but my husband and I agree yes we were being petty but at the same time why would we trust someone who doesn’t trust us?
AITAH?
NTA. It’s weird AF that they would even think that was going to be an option. As you said – they don’t trust you, so why would you trust them?
Even if they were on the list of trusted adults, the idea that you’re going to drive 90 minutes to drop off an infant is ridiculous.
nta. refusing to let you be alone with their children(?) and immediately planning to “take” your baby “all the time” is, quite frankly, a little creepy.
in the very best case, it is extremely tone deaf. treat these people as they treat you; with extreme suspicion.
Absolutely NTA it’s so weird she’d get upset with this. I cannot think of a reason that explains it.
You’re not being petty at all. You called her out & she needed to be. She’s being a hypocrite. I wouldn’t let them near my kid, especially not without me right there
I mean, NTA, and you gave her a perfectly reasonable explanation. SIL is not necessarily wrong in not letting you take the kids (not because of anything in particular, but as you said, if she just doesn’t trust anyone with her kids, which. Fair enough), but to assume she’ll be able to take your kid anytime is a reach lol. Yeah you could have looser boundaries than her but, if she doesn’t trust you, why would you trust her?
It’s also the fact that she just assumed they would take him, instead of asking you about it, or maybe having a deeper conversation. She was acting very entitled
NTA, I’m not even sure that you were being petty. Why would you be inclined to allow people who don’t trust you with their children to take your child? Why would they think that was an option? Either way, I wouldn’t be allowing them to watch my kid.
NTA and HELL NO. She’s strange and irrational. I’d never let someone who doesn’t trust ME keep my kids bc now I don’t trust YOU. Creep
NTA, this is your baby. Don’t let family members bully you into something you’re not comfortable with. She chose to set a boundary which she wants to be able to break. Stand your ground if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable, just like she did for years. You have every right.
NTA. Why is she so interested in your baby? That’s very strange.
NTA. Tell her “Just like how you don’t let “just anyone” take your kids, I will not be letting just anyone take mine. That is the end of the discussion. It’s not negotiable. I will not be entertaining another minute of conversation about this. With anyone.”
**Now if you want to be petty**, throw in “I hear your sister lets just anyone take her kids, ask her if you can take hers.”
For SIL/BIL: “You set the precedent for aunt & uncle time with the kids, and we’ll be following it with our child as well”
For MIL: “This is our decision and if you can’t respect it you will not be spending time with our child either.”
NTA. They’re reaping what they sowed.
Yes this. Be careful as well if MIL has your son she doesn’t let the in-laws take him.
The absolute fucking audacity your BIL’s GIRLFRIEND has to say you couldn’t take her kids because you were just your husband’s girlfriend, when here she is, JUST A GIRLFRIEND, telling you, not asking you, but telling you she was going to take your child “all the time”, has me absolutely howling right now. What a complete and total tool she is. You know what? I take that back. Tools are useful. BIL’s GF is the little paper flaps on the side of a bakery box that try valiantly to keep the box closed, but epically fail.
EDIT: ABSOLUTELY UNEQUIVOCALLY NTA
NTA but don’t leave your baby with MIL either because SIL will just happen to drop by and take him for a spin since MIL thought her request was fine.