Let me preface this by I’ve told my girlfriend multiple times that they are her kids and she can do whatever she wants with them as I do not control her. My girlfriend moved in with me right before new years with her two kids. My girlfriend works a lot so she had her family ‘taking care’ of these kids. Barely cleaning them, not changing them or brushing their hair. Pushing them off into a playroom so they weren’t a burden. LOCKED in their room at night so they wouldn’t get out. And wouldn’t let them out for hours after 7am on the weekend sometimes. Thing 1 thing 2 we’ll call them for redaction sake. Thing 1 is older and thing 2 is younger. Thing 2 when I got to it was feral af. No manners. Dragging full pull ups around nasty dirty. Honestly a little fucking creep always flicking its tongue and growling and biting at people. But thing 2 is now very well behaved polite manners and CLEAN all the time. Thing 1 was a mess but a genius where it was before. Always spoiled and praised over the other. You can tell when it tries to scream to be heard when it talks. Thing 1 is now acting out as it’s not spoiled rotten anymore. Peeing and shitting its pants. Mind you thing 1 has not been in diapers for years and never does this. Idk why the defiance but whatever. Not the point. Since they all moved in with me they’ve been on a routine 3 full meals and a snack a day. New clothes that fit, new beds and mattresses. Hair done and brushed every morning. They are thriving if I do say so myself. Now the problem, grandma and grandpa, girlfriends parents, have wanted the kids to stay at their old home almost every weekend since they left. Their old house is not clean. Piss smell from a lot of animals. Stains everywhere. A layer of filth on every surface. And the worst part is the ROACHES AND BED BUGS. To the point the first time I let them go stay they said ‘mommy I don’t want to sleep here with the bugs’. I find it horrific that I can’t convince my girlfriend that it is child endangerment and neglect to send them, make them stay, or live there in that filth at all. Again they are her kids, she may do what she wants with them. But I constantly have to convince her not to send those kids there. Her parents say they are working on it but it is a mad infestation. Even then since they’ve moved in with me, her parents have moved someone into the kids playroom and got FERRETS,yes MORE animals, and keep those ferrets in the kids old bed room. WHERE ARE THE KIDS EVEN GOING TO SLEEP?! I’m going insane trying not to call CPS or the police on these people. I’m hoping my girlfriend can see how disgusting it is. I’m hoping she realizes that she’s putting my home at risk as well. And I’m also on said routine where I clean every morning once the kids are gone, JUST to make sure I have no bugs or anything filthy here. I don’t think I’m better than her parents. But I know in my heart as a parent of 3 other kids that I can not allow them to go there willingly.
YTA for the way you’ve described these children.
Your girlfriend is a negligent parent at best and abusive at worst. These kids deserve so much better. If you disappeared from their lives tomorrow, what would they do? Go back to this? She needs parenting classes and to be honest I’d insist on it or it would be a dealbreaker. These poor kids.
These poor kids. Your girlfriend is a terrible parent.
ESH
You’re calling these poor children “feral”? And “it”?
Your girlfriend is an absuive/neglectful mother, and your reaction is to move her into your house with your own children?
in op’s defense. He is trying to not gender the children for the sake of anonymity. But I do understand a “they” could’ve been more appropriate in this situation. But I’m seeing in replies op is committing to the bit so i’m going to ask directly.
There is no reason to say “it”.
All the adults in this scenario are AH’s including you for how you describe the children. It doesn’t matter if it’s for comparison purposes.
All of them should be reported to CPS for neglect / abuse and YTA for not doing so sooner.
I get the literary device you’re attempting to ride to make this cute, but it’s really off-putting to describe two children as “it.”
The Cat in the Hat was written in the 50s, when there was no universally accepted gender-neutral pronoun. TODAY using the pronoun “it” for a person of any age is dehumanizing and degrading. Put together with the way you’re describing them (trying to illustrate the neglect they experienced previously), this post is REALLY not coming off the way I think you mean it to.
Again… I get what you’re trying to do. Unfortunately, the way you’re doing it is distracting severely from the point you want to make. Genuinely couldn’t get to the end, because it’s extremely disturbing to hear an adult talk at length about how a child is pissing and shitting on ITSELF.
I’d consider deleting this post and rewriting it without the Dr. Seuss framing, because it is not working for you.
Edit: ironically, I just went and re-read The Cat in the Hat to see if he ever uses “it…” and he doesn’t. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are exclusively described as a collective, and the pronoun used is they/them.
This isn’t a relationship for you.
If you don’t see these as being your kids at some point then stay out of their mom’s life. If it is dangerous at their home then they do need CPS to help them.
Call CPS nothing else needs to be said!
This is worth breaking up over before you have children with this person. There is nothing wrong with you having standards for the people who you care about and share your life with. She may have grown up like that but it is not acceptable to you or for the children (hers included) in your life. Full stop. It maybe a wake up call for her. Just because she was raised to be ok with this, doesn’t make it right.
NTA, This is how you get for child abuse when you didn’t do anything wrong. You should leave this person, and also call CPS if you know she’s leaving the kids with family again.
I get it’s her parents, but she had kids now. Her responsibility is to the family she started, not the one that brought her here. The fact that she’s not seeing the danger to the children here is worrying and quite frankly a sign that she herself isn’t fit to take care of children, just like her parents
ESH – how do you think that even in a reddit post it is ok to call them it and things? Not calling CPS and getting these children protection from the GF, the extended family and I am just going to say it, YOU is criminal.
ESH including you. Call CPS ffs.